As the Erickoey Virus continues to spread, governments across the globe had no choice but to quarantine all major cities in order to prevent the virus from infecting the farmers and their crops.  The infectious disease has not yet managed to become airborne.  However, it can be transmitted through bodily fluids, including any fluids that may seep into the soil.  Therefore, water and waste have been shut off, leaving all highly populated areas barren of fresh drinking water and overwhelmed with stench and dangerous gases that are escaping from the sewer systems. Thus far the quarantine has proven effective, aside from one ginormous flaw: it has been discovered that a child carries a natural immunity to the virus, despite being the son of patient zero.  That’s right!  Our very existence now depends on none other than the Shack’s infamous Bort Ick-Ality, son of Erick and Comicality. Unfortunately, the child has been sealed within the barrier walls of LA, along with thousands upon thousands of infected souls and desperate civilians.  AlthoughContinue reading »

This past month has taken a heavy toll on the Shackonian Forces.  Only days after his reincarnation, Orvus had raised an army from the Dark Realm of Uzemae and pierced through the lands just as easily as a heated dagger through butter.  The northern settlement of Vyladia Keys was first to fall and every village within a fifty mile radius has already been reduced to ruin, leaving nothing but death and ash in his wake.  The Midlands of Ephyrous have teamed with the Vampires of Junckyrd and have managed to hold off Orvus’s forces, but for how long is uncertain. Although despair is overwhelming, all is not lost.  The Shackonians of the Fifth and Sixth Order have constructed a map that will lead us to The Scroll of Prophecy and a brave few have been selected to recover it from the Isle of Irk.  Our very existence now depends on a single squadron of mismatched heroes: Jevidiah Olando Hexibus Nor of Knoxxelle [JOHN] – General of the Great Battalion ofContinue reading »

Erick: :: Stares at Pete with a creepy unblinking glance :: Hi. = = = Pete: Erick, I’m not sure who has the creepy unblinking glance. Is that me or you? (o: Hi.   = = =   Erick:   😮   >:o   You are trying to seduce me!!   Pete. Pete I am auditioning girls to be Bort’s girlfriend. Pete, are you a girl interested in my son? He is a bachelor. I am also looking for a suitable doctor with experience in the homosexual-vaccines field to cure Bort of his disease.   = = =   Pete   If you have read my story, Umbrella Incident (at https://imagine-magazine.org/im-online/library/), you will know that I have two neph-. er… nieces, yeah, nieces, living at my house and they would be the perfect companions for Bort. Like Bort, they have interesting names (for girls), Mike and Tim. I think they would be prefect companions for your son. Perhaps we could schedule a play date so the little ragamuffins can meetContinue reading »

On Wednesday, April 25, our bestest Bwctwriter, Matt, bought himself a new car!  A few of you may be thinking that Matt just bought a new car, but that was like six years ago, so he sold that one because it’s now an antique.  He got $26 for it! Now, Matt’s new car is the awesomest ever!  It’s black and eco-friendly and comes with its own windshield wipers.  In fact, it’s so awesome and black and eco-friendly that the Caped Crusader borrows it on weekends.  He’s saving 35% of his annual rocket fuel costs! You may be asking yourself, “why am I even reading this?!” Or better yet, “what does Matt get out of this deal?!”  Well, the Imagine Team can’t reveal all the dirty details, but what we will say is that Matticakes just bought himself an orange cape.  We managed to sneak the following photo before Matt hurt us: As you can see, Matt is nowhere to be seen, and Mr. Caped Crusader’s looking awfully flush.  Well, asContinue reading »

On May 2, 2012, Shack Out Back Superstar, Comsie Cality celebrated his birthday!  In the spirit of the event, the Imagine Team got together to create something special for him on his special day.  In the beginning we tried to work with his boyfriend, Erick; however, Erick kept screaming at us about trying to seduce him and threatening to tell the on us, so we had to scrap him. For three long weeks the Imagine Team slaved away, designing a super-special birthday cake, and JayDee spent three whole nights preparing it.  The cake itself, after being baked, had to be flash frozen so that it wouldn’t go off before the party, so poor old JayDee had to work in the freezer! Meanwhile, Pete and TurtleBoy worked together on the decorations, invitations, and super-secret surprise!  All that was left to do was make the arrangements with a super-secret person. Come the evening of May the second JayDee was rushed to the hospital to be treated for hypothermia and frostbite, while PeteContinue reading »

Everything had been going so well. The days were getting warmer, the skies were getting brighter, the treasure hunt was fast approaching, and The Boys of Widow Lake was nearing its release day. Going well, that is, until Thursday, March 29, 2012, at 6:16AM. Up until this point, the Shack had been rather tame, like the quiet before the storm.UKGuy, our dear friend and ally, declared war on peanut butter, and as blasphemous as this was, TurtleBoy was willing to let it slide—until others joined him. Whatifsowhatsit, Aikku, and UKGuy have joined forces in the battle against our beloved spread, and Roran has declared himself as Switzerland, as he has nothing against peanut butter, so long as it’s ‘crunchy’. As a peanut butter lover, supporter, and daily partaker, I, TurtleBoy, have taken it upon myself to defend the defenseless. The peanut has been through enough as it is. Our chocolate bars and snacks have all become ‘peanut free’, all sporting the dreaded image of an unshelled peanut with the redContinue reading »

The two-way radio hummed with never-ending static as Comicality waited for a reply. A smug grin was stained across Orvus’s face as he gazed upon his rival’s defeated expression, and he stood up straight and laughed. “You see, Oh Dark One, even your son is against you.” Comicality didn’t move. He just stared down at his feet in silence. “If you leave now, I might let you live,” added Orvus as he fetched the canister of gasoline. “However, if you don’t leave, I’ll be more than happy to add you to the blaze.” “No.” “Excuse me?” Orvus tipped the canister and poured the remaining accelerant atop the head of a stone gargoyle. “Perhaps you do not understand.” Crouching down in front of Comicality, Orvus retrieved the lighter from his pocket. “If you don’t leave, you will burn, and if you try to stop me your son will burn.” Orvus’s eyes widened with pleasure. “What?!” blared the squeal of the radio, still secured to Orvus’s hip. The moment the child’s voiceContinue reading »

Dear Journal and everyone snooping, It’s no secret that Google is changing their privacy policy.  You can’t miss it!  The notices are everywhere, the emails are rushing to inboxes all over the world, and the articles are popping up on search engines almost as frequently as Justin Bieber!  But what does this mean? In the early hours of Wednesday, February 15, the Imagine Team got together to review Google’s new privacy policy.  According to the fine print, all boys’ locker rooms will no longer provide partitions between toilets or privacy curtains around showers.  Unfortunately, this new no-privacy policy violates many European privacy laws, which has left millions of Euro-Googlers in a panic. At first, the new policy sounded wonderful to many people in the Shack community.  It was like that feeling you get when you’re a child, right after all of the presents had been opened on Christmas morning, only to discover that there’s one more hiding deep beneath the branches of glowing pine, and it’s got your name onContinue reading »

As the new GFD Blood Bank neared its unveiling, Comicality scampered about to make everything as perfect as possible, adding final touches here and there and a splash of cobwebs in all the darkest corners.  However, unknown to our Ruler of the Night, an anti-darkness scheme was on the rise. High above, on the rooftop of the Blood Bank, crouched behind a hand-chiselled gargoyle, was none other than Orvus, the Bringer of Light and Justice and All Things Good—or at least that was his title for today.  With a gas canister in one hand and a custom Light Supremacy Zippo in the next, Orvus was about to commit the most heinous of crimes against the vampire world: the GFD Blood Bank would burn! Down below, immerging from behind the large wooden doors of the Blood Bank, Comicality exited the building, carrying a single, tiny box that housed the leftovers of our old Blood Bank home.  If it weren’t for the faint sounds of trickling fluids, and Comicality’s ever-hopeful thoughts ofContinue reading »

The Shack’s Tabloid goes Comic-Style in this month’s edition. Check out this month’s Hot Gossip in its full, illustrated glory!

In recent days, it has come to the Tabloid’s attention that our beloved Ruben and Lenny have become an item.  The only problem is that they’re separated by a massive body of water, an equator, and a time warp that keeps them in separate days about eighty-five percent of the time. The Tabloid can’t have this. We sat down with Lenny to see if we could help bring these two would-be lovers together permanently.  Our first attempt failed miserably.  We attempted to use Bort’s transport method and stuffed Lenny inside a wooden crate with a generous amount of bubble wrap.  Unfortunately, while being loaded onto the plane, Lenny was discovered by the loader, due to the constant popping of the bubble wrap.  Apparently, those air-filled bubbles were too much for Lenny to resist. After bailing Lenny out of the Lost-and-Found, we brought him back to the drawing board.  Three stick men and twelve arrows later the whiteboard was covered with the most ingenious plan ever devised. Throughout the next 24Continue reading »

Do we have your full attention?!  Because this image has nothing to do with the article! Mike.  UKGuy.  We’ve all heard the rumours, the accusations, and the constant bickering of opinions: Are they one and the same? The Shack Tabloid investigates: First packaging ourselves up, the Tabloid Team was sent to the United Kingdom.  Upon arrival, and after being delivered to Marks & Spencer in London, England, we set out to find UKGuy.  Fortunately, we didn’t have to look for very long, as we found him shopping in the men’s underwear department a mere fifty feet from where we de-crated ourselves. In no time flat, and after chasing UKGuy through the mall and pinning him to the ground, and tying him up with leftover Christmas garland, we sat him down outside of a McDonald’s and asked him who he really was: “Who are you?” we asked. “I’m Robert, a Marks & Spencer employee.  Who the hell are you?” “We’re the Shack Tabloid Team.  We’ve come to find out who youContinue reading »

Bort’s Inappropriate Christmas Gift   This holiday season, Comsie Cality confessed to giving his son, Bort Ick-Ality, a sock puppet by the name of Mr. Suck-N-Swallow.  The Mr. Suck-N-Swallow line is a bedroom toy designed for men who are having problems conceiving a child and used during masturbation to collect and preserve semen for clinical impregnation at a later date. On the open board, Comicality wrote: “And Bort? I am getting him a special sock puppet named Mr. Suck-N-Swallow, who will take all of Bort’s magic seed and have it cryogenically frozen as he goes through his adolescent years. And then we will find a harem of suitable mates who will take the seed and produce us a fine lot of offspring.” When the Tabloid Team asked Comicality why he would do such a thing, he merely shrugged and said “You can’t have too much of a good thing.”  However, he would not elaborate on his answer or reasoning.  Furthermore, when we spoke with Bort, he denied the very existenceContinue reading »

On Friday, November 4, 2011, Comicality ran into an old high school pal.  Of course, this ‘pal’, as we all already know, was not just that!  He was Comsie’s high school lover!  Needless to say, Erick is absolutely furious.  However, what happened next came as a surprise to us all. Comicality is the father of an illegitimate child. His Once-Lover is now the proud parent of an eight year old child, by the name of Micca Yolti.  Apparently, it’s not so impossible for the male-side of our species to become pregnant, as we were once led to believe.  The only difference is that each trimester is three years in duration, and the child is, obviously, not delivered through the dreaded vagina.  In males, children are delivered through the belly button.  Fortunately, this is far less painful than what you were just thinking a moment ago. Sadly, despite blood tests and interviews that say otherwise, Comicality denies poor Micca as his child.  The only possible explanation that our Shack Tabloid investigatorsContinue reading »

Over the past few months, the Shack Tabloid has been tracking Orvus: a sleeper agent of an unknown organization that has set out to destroy all things false and fabricated.  On the night of Wednesday, November 16, 2011, at 2300 hours, Orvus was seen leaving his apartment for the first time in two weeks. The Tabloid’s undercover reporters, who have been tailing Orvus, followed him to a rundown warehouse, on the outskirts of Chicago, Illinois, where he met with a small but very familiar face: none other than Bort Ick-Ality. After last month’s plan to collect a ransom for Bort’s ‘safe return’ had failed, it seemed that Orvus and Bort had found their way back to the drawing board.  Although the Tabloid’s reporters, whose identities have been withheld for security concerns, could not hear exactly what they were planning, what they had managed to overhear sent chills down their spines. On Friday, November 25, when Bort was scheduled to be shipped back to his father Erick, in Los Angeles, heContinue reading »

For a little more than a week, Shack Out Back Leader, Comicality was absent from all online life.  Consequently, the Shack Forums suffered immensely.  But what exactly was the reason for this disappearance?  The Shack Tabloid did some digging and discovered something so dark and obscure that we almost decided not to share.  Fortunately, we’re a lot dumber than we look. In the early evening of Saturday, October 15, 2011, Comicality was spotted entering an old, abandoned scrapyard.  He was alone, dressed completely in black, and holding a large newspaper out in front of his face as he walked.  If it wasn’t for Comsie’s large, purple cape, we would not have recognized him. Hiding inside an old, broken down school bus, we cautiously watched and waited for nearly an hour before something completely unexpected happened.  Bort appeared from behind a pile of squashed cars, and he was not alone.   His wrists were tied behind his back, and he was being guided by a dark, shadowy figure who was pushing himContinue reading »