Do we have your full attention?!  Because this image has nothing to do with the article!

Do we have your attention? Because this image has nothing to do with the article.

Mike.  UKGuy.  We’ve all heard the rumours, the accusations, and the constant bickering of opinions: Are they one and the same?

The Shack Tabloid investigates:

First packaging ourselves up, the Tabloid Team was sent to the United Kingdom.  Upon arrival, and after being delivered to Marks & Spencer in London, England, we set out to find UKGuy.  Fortunately, we didn’t have to look for very long, as we found him shopping in the men’s underwear department a mere fifty feet from where we de-crated ourselves.

In no time flat, and after chasing UKGuy through the mall and pinning him to the ground, and tying him up with leftover Christmas garland, we sat him down outside of a McDonald’s and asked him who he really was:

“Who are you?” we asked.

“I’m Robert, a Marks & Spencer employee.  Who the hell are you?”

“We’re the Shack Tabloid Team.  We’ve come to find out who you are.”

“I don’t know what that is!”  Obviously, the “Robert” fella was not willing to cooperate.  Fortunately, the Tabloid Team has ways of making people spill the pork ‘n’ beans.

“Are you or are you not UKGuy, from the Shack Out Back?” we asked, while prodding his gut with a stick.

“Who?!”  This “Robert” was a lot tougher than we thought.

“So you’re Mike?”  We continued to prod.

“No!  I already told you, I’m Robert!”

At this point, we were becoming impatient.  “What have you done with Mike and UKGuy?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”  The man was persistent.

“Take us to them!”

“Who!?” the man pleaded. “I don’t know who you want me to take you to!”

It was then that we realized that this “Robert” fella might not be UKGuy or Mike, and he may not even know who we were talking about, so we let him go with a warning and several lashes with a wet noodle—that was JayDee’s idea.

Unfortunately, after three hours in England, we were unable to locate either of the two Shack members in question.  Fear not, though!  We don’t give up so easily.

The Identity Crisis investigation continues…

Published January 1, 2012

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