Reports across the globe of a new, extremely contagious virus have hit cataclysmic proportion. One in every three people has already contracted the Erickoey Virus; the world fears that the remaining two are not far behind.

It started in the United States. A train, on its way from Los Angeles to Chicago, was stopped just outside of Kansas City when it became apparent that travellers were becoming ill. Passengers were speaking in tongues, sometimes indecipherable, and would randomly bite the ankle of unsuspecting people. It didn’t take long before the crew realized they had to stop the train and declare a state of emergency.

Government officials had quarantined the area, but the two mile radius quickly proved to be insufficient, as many guards soon began to behave sporadically. It was then that it was discovered that chocolate is an inducer. Anyone who partakes in the scrumptious treat will soon burst out in an uncontrollable rage and slap the nearest person. This is especially dangerous, as traces of chocolate, on the fingers of those infected, is transferred from hand to cheek and absorbed through the pores. In a matter of minutes, those who are slapped become one of the infected.

The Erickoey Virus is deceptive and hard to identify, especially in youth. Symptoms are extreme cuteness, watery eyes, overly-dilated pupils, rosy cheeks, and degenerative speech and manners. The infected will not realize their condition. They will only know that they are cute and are quickly seduced by this knowledge. By the time those who are infected desire sugar, chocolate being the most prominent craving, it is too late for them.

It took a mere matter of hours for the virus to spread throughout the surrounding states, and only days to consume the country. By the time reports started coming in from Canada and Mexico it was realized that containment is impossible. Within two weeks, the Erickoey Virus had spread throughout the world. What’s worse is, you could be infected right now and not even realize it.

Although the virus doesn’t appear to be fatal, it does take away your free will and endangers those around you. If you are experiencing extreme cravings for sugar, find that your thoughts are racing, and can’t help yourself but to bite the ankles of anyone in your path, seek medical attention immediately. The virus can be prevented only if it is caught in within the first ten hours of infection. After this time, you’re screwed.

Published July 1, 2012

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