Ah, yes! With spring around the corner, it’s time to get ready for the inevitable spring chickens bouncing around in the basement, just waiting to be let out for some fresh air. During this dreaded time of year, I must busy myself with other means of entertainment, which is why I turned my focus toward the impossible to capture… Comicality! That’s right, folks. I made it my mission to bed THE Comicality, and what better way to get someone’s attention than to write them a song? You know, a lot of people don’t know this about me, but I have a wonderful voice. It’s comparable to a young Greyson Chance, with a dash of Freddie Mercury. With a song like this, there’s no way Comicality will be able to resist me… no way he’ll ever be able to say no… and, well, once he’s in my basement, it doesn’t really matter anyway, right? So without any further ado, I’d like to introduce you to an almost original piece, written byContinue reading »

BBW – Big Bad Wolf News —From our partners at GBW – Großer Böser Wolf Nachrichten Halloween – on the other side of the Great Pond, it’s supposedly one of the biggest holidays of the year. That’s why I decided to see for myself what it was all about, and how scary it really was. Upon arriving at the airport, I was a little disappointed. There were no grinning pumpkins rolling around on the baggage carousel, and no skeletons were strung up next to the immigration and customs people. They didn’t even hand out any candy, which I had assumed to be a big part of this holiday. I really had been looking forward to the free candy! But I didn’t lose hope just yet; maybe I would find the real America outside of the airport. And I was right! I got my first real scare when I entered the local consumer paradise, Walmart. It wasn’t as if the store was decorated, or as if the employees were wearing particularlyContinue reading »

A new phenomenon is sweeping the nation – boy farms! Up and down the country, new boy farms are popping up, often managed by more or less ordinary people as a hobby. BBW News decided to get an inside look into one of those places, and Mr. Burt LeToy graciously offered to open his doors for us. When I arrived at the LeToy farm, I was a bit confused at first because I was expecting to see a – well, a farm. Instead Burt welcomed me into his modest suburban home and led me down a flight of stairs into his basement where he unlocked the three locks on a sturdy oaken door. I was surprised about this level of security, but Burt explained to me that he’d had some problems with a ‘bunch of dirty poachers’, as he called them, who apparently were hiding in some shack in the outback. The entry area of the basement was clean and painted in bright rainbow colors. I felt like I wasContinue reading »

There have been countless medical drama shows on TV, providing us with an insight into the busy world of hospital emergency rooms, where handsome young doctors save life after life while still finding time to flirt with the nurses. BBW News wanted to find out what is really going on in this country’s ERs, so I spend a whole weekend in a Detroit area hospital, observing the medical professionals at work. No TV show could have prepared me for the craziness I was about to witness! It all started harmlessly enough. A boy was brought in by his parents. He had a black eye and there was some blood on his face from a cut. From what I could overhear, he had been in a scuffle at school when he picked a fight with a bigger boy. He got a few stitches and a ninja turtle band aid, and he was out of the ER just a few minutes later. A routine case for the ER personal. I had alreadyContinue reading »

From the Winterpeg News and Gazette By Ted (Winterpeg, Canadia)  A stand-off pitting a maverick Winterpeg business tycoon against the weight of The Federal Ministry of Labour appears to have reached a successful conclusion earlier today, ending days of negotiations regarding fair and equitable employment practices at a local manufacturing concern.  A Ministry spokesman revealed that the agreement reached would keep the Winterpeg enterprise open for business as well as ensure fair and practical treatment of the firms’ employee’s.  “The negotiations were arduous,” the clearly exhausted Ministry spokesman revealed, “but in the end very successful.” Trouble started for TurtleBoy Industries Ltd (TBI™), late last week when agents and representatives for scores and more actors, singers and models demanded that their young clients be allowed to resume their careers in the entertainment industry rather than toil in the iconic Winterpeg bakeries of local magnate Mr. TurtleBoy.  “It’s like he just grabbed my client off the street,” remarked one Agent.    A reporter inquired if by “he” the Agent had meant Mr. TurtleBoy,Continue reading »

It happened on Halloween, of all days.  Comicality was pounding away on his keyboard, trying to get his next chapter done in time for the following morning so that he could fall into a deep, candy-coma, when all of a sudden: blood.  Lots and lots of blood.  It was gushing profusely, spraying all over his monitor and keyboard.  It was like each one of his fingertips had decided to explode simultaneously… and they did. It was a bloody mess.  Looking at his keyboard, it was impossible to distinguish the ‘G’ key from the ‘H’, not that you could see a difference on a regular day, as Comicality writes so much that the typeface on each key had long-since faded away. No one can say that we didn’t see this coming.  Comicality writes and releases more stories than anyone on the Internet that any of us know about.  In the past month alone, Comicality has published more than 10 chapters to several of his most popular stories, including Billy Chase, GoneContinue reading »

Over the past few weeks the Vampire Warehouse, forum to the GFD Blood Bank, has been transformed into a battleground.  Werewolves in lab coats have left several of our vampire leaders under siege, stranded within the warehouse’s basement.  Thus far the vampires have been able to hold their ground, but their walls have been penetrated on numerous occasions. Fortification is failing, and our numbers are dwindling.  These werewolves are relentless.  The fact of the matter is, without reinforcements, the Vampire Warehouse will be overrun, and soon. This is a call to arms!  Any and all vampires are needed to help battle the masses before it’s too late.  Without your help, the Vampire Warehouse will fall and in its place will mark the Rise of the Lycan’s Generic Pharmaceutical Pharmacy. We cannot allow this to happen.  Werewolves are ferocious enough as they are.  Imagine how much stronger they will become when disease and infection are no longer an issue. So please, put on your armour, unsheathe your swords and help defendContinue reading »

Long, long ago, Wolfie was a corner-stone of the Shack Out Back.  He held the community together with a little glue and a lot of love.  But then, out of the blue, he disappeared; selected to lead a crew of five on an important mission to a far off galaxy, more than 36 light years away.  I think. He was sent to investigate a Goldilocks planet, roughly 36 light years away, called G i4591b. “They were huge!” Wolfie explained with excitement.  “The planet is about 4 times the size of Earth, and so are the people!” According to Wolfie’s report, human-like giants, averaging at 23 feet, 5 inches in height, populate the planet with even bigger plant and animal life. “We were worse than midgets.  [We] could practically fit in the palm of their hands.  And their wild life — simply amazing.  Some were much like the dinosaurs that roamed our planet during the Jurassic period, others were just like our own; only much, much bigger.” Wolfie is currently underContinue reading »

Early Friday morning on February 22, 2013, at 12:01 a.m. Digital Bob gave birth to a two-headed child, after 3 minutes of surprise labour.  Playing the cat, the Imagine Team let curiosity get the best them and joined D. Bob for an interview. “It was a complete surprise to me,” admitted Digital Bob.  “I didn’t even know I was pregnant.” Anyone who lays eyes on the dual-spirited baby can attest to the child’s chilling presence.  Its flesh has a ghoulish green tone, slightly scaly and even has the first signs of horns on either side of its forehead… er, on the right head, that is. “I don’t care what anyone says.  My baby is not a monster,” says D. Bob.  “He’s a gift from God and I’m going to cherish and protect him forever and ever.” Of course, shortly after the interview, D. Bob and his child(ren?) were transported to an undisclosed facility where more thorough tests could be conducted. We at the Imagine Headquarters would like to wish D.Continue reading »

It’s a well-known fact that blueberry pie is the current best pie in the world.  Regardless of this fact, Jake Johnson has challenged the natural order of things by declaring raspberry pie to be the best. Because this obviously can’t be true, as raspberries are disgusting, there can only be one explanation for this: Jake Johnson is an alien. He has been sent to Earth from the planet Tootart, with the sole purpose of discrediting our beloved blueberry.  Recent discoveries have revealed that Tootartians have been living among us, as sleeper cells, for hundreds of years in an attempt to learn what makes humans adore the blueberry. Up until recently the Tootarians have managed to keep their plans secret.  However, it has now come to our attention that raspberries contain an almost-untraceable chemical compound called Tutinatiumoxide.  After extensive study, this chemical has been identified as a mind-controlling agent. As it turns out, the consumption of too many raspberries, or only a few over many years, allows the chemical to buildContinue reading »

2013’s First Speak Week Inspires Shy-Boy Orgy in the Back Room Comicality’s done it again.  A, once innocent, game that was designed to promote forum activity and interaction has now been permanently sullied.  It started as a harmless discussion on sex, which most people took as an opportunity to voice their opinions on the matter and perhaps help others gain more confidence in the bedroom.  Unfortunately, it worked too well, which leaves us with the only conclusion that Comicality launched this Speak Week with a hidden agenda—to get everybody nekked. To be fair, for anyone who replied to every single Speak Week question honestly and on time, they remained unaffected.  But that’s what made the plan so ingenious.  It was designed so that everyone who knew about the activity had to participate, otherwise they would face the consequences. As it turned out, every single lurker, every last Speak-Week deserter and every single person who saw and didn’t reply all the way through discovered exactly what these consequences were.  Sex.  AndContinue reading »

My cheek stung.  Something had hit me so hard that my ears were ringing, but I had no time to stop and cry just yet.  I had to get Bort to the top of the U.S. Bank Tower before it was too late.  However, when I opened my eyes, still rubbing at my cheek, what I saw took my breath away—THE Erickoey. “Dad?!” Bort squealed in excitement. “Dad!  You’re alive!” “I…” Erickoey looked down at his hands and shook his head as he tried to sort his thoughts, “I’m sorry.  I don’t know what came over me…” Erickoey was half-naked, wearing only a long, fluffy Santa hat and matching pants.  The pants, however, had gooey stains of brown that smelled sweet in the air.  And that’s when it hit me again, or, more specifically, that’s when Erickoey hit me… again and again and again. “Erick!  Erickoey, stop!” I begged, just as I noticed something attached to the palm of Erickoey’s hand.  “Erick, what’s that in your hand?!” Erick stopped andContinue reading »

Three days in the jungle hadn’t prepared our heroes for what lied ahead.  The brave team, and Micca, stared up at the tall, desolate, jagged-edged mountain, steeper than the Cliffs of Shackonia that bordered their homeland’s capitol. With their jaws agape, tempting the flies, Captain JOHN swallowed hard and stepped forward to address his men.  In his mind’s eye he had prepared the most motivating, invigorating and rejuvenating speech he had ever spoken aloud before, but when he cleared his throat to speak, all that came out was, “Let’s get a move on, then.” And the team of weary men trudged on, preparing their ropes for the climb of their lives. “I don’t get it,” whined Micca.  “The mountain didn’t look this bad from the beach.” cRyptic smiled at Micca sympathetically and placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “It’s okay, Micca.  I’ll help you.” But Micca just cocked his eyebrow and shook his head.  “With what?” he asked and leapt high into the air and landed on top ofContinue reading »

Standing next to Bort’s crate, alone and surrounded by the infected, I feared there was no escape; that I was done for, that there would never be another day beyond this one.  And that’s when it happened.  Out of nowhere, a strange and naked man dropped from above, wearing only a ninja’s mask and belt, and he pushed me back while waving a box of chocolate in the air. “Go!” yelled the nudist ninja. The mouths of the infected began to froth and foam as they cooed and clawed at the air, and, taking this moment to escape, I turned and ran in the other direction. When I got outside, the smell of chocolate was already beginning to attract an even angrier, hungrier mob of Erickoeys, but beyond the cluster of infected I could see Bort, who had climbed a tree and hidden within its branches.  I wasted no time and darted toward him, dodging infected after infected like they were the projectiles in a game of dodge ball.  However,Continue reading »

“Beyond the Seas of Shackonia, cradled deep in the heart of The Beast Lies the Singular Gem of Ambrosia, heeding way to where immortals feast. Become one with rock and sea and air, only then will your hearts swallow whole The depths of the cave of the vile Serpent’s Lair, deep within you’ll uncover the scroll,” recited Captain JOHN as he and the crew gathered around the map of Irk Island, attempting to grasp what it meant. A sudden groan from Micca’s empty belly directed everyone’s attention to him, and he blushed sheepishly.  “Well…” started Micca, from the shelter of a thick blanket to protect him from the sun, “we’ve travelled ‘Beyond the seas of Shackonia’, so now we have to cradle ourselves ‘deep in the heart of the beast”. Lemonians cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah, but what does that mean?” Captain JOHN rolled up the map and slid it inside his jacket.  “There,” he pointed to the island, at a tall, rocky mountain.  “The island’s ‘TheContinue reading »