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It all started on Friday, August 19, 2011, when Orvus went clubbin’ with some friends.  The following Sunday, he reported his first alcohol-related blackout, but this is what really happened:

Somewhere between club numbers two and three, Orvus was slipped The Blue Pill, which triggered a secretly implanted sleeper chip, embedded at the back of the neck against the brainstem.  This sleeper chip is designed to gain access to the hippocampus, where it then hijacks all function in order to access, what is referred to as, shadow memories.  In short, the Orvus we all know and love is blocked to give birth to a sleeper agent.

 

OrvusImmediately following, Orvus hacked into the Pentagon’s mainframe, connected with hundreds of different software companies, and then released thousands of Trojan packets that he disguised as updates.

Consequently, anyone running WebTV was first to suffer the effects of this invasion.  On day one, our beloved Comicality was the only person in the entire world who unknowingly witnessed this event.  It started with mere coding alterations, which led to the disruption of Comicality story releases.  However, only days later, the ‘software updates’ evolved and spread like wildfire through his WebTV box, completely destroying his Ethernet connection.

 

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All of this was nothing more than a side effect of what was to come.  In a few short days, Erick received a message from – who he thought – was Bort, requesting immediate assistance in St. George, Utah.  Erick, of course, then jumped states with a fresh supply of bubble wrap, leaving the Shack Out Back with little information as to what was actually happening.

 

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Over in Rhode Island, BwctWriter(Matt) was bombarded with a violent flash stormed, which reporters have been calling Hurricane Irene.  This is when things get complicated.  Hurricane Irene is actually the result of The Orvus Project.  The Trojan packets sent throughout the internet were designed to seek out a machine called The Tempest.  Complete details as to the actual function or intention of this machine are unclear; however, its capabilities are clear: it is a machine built for destruction.

Within days of activating The Tempest, Hurricane Irene was created and sent toward the east coast of North America, wiping out the power of nearly 10 000 000 homes and businesses.  It wasn’t long after that Canadian Shack Out Back residents were also attacked, reaching as far as JayDee’s home, in Quebec, and causing a violent storm to hit over Manitoba – and finally allowing TurtleBoy’s lawn to green a little(YAY!).

At this time, the Shack Out Back is still under attack.  Comicality is yet to access his WebTV, Orvus has gone AWOL, and Erick is still MIA.  It is unclear if Hurricane Irene was created to distract the world from Hurricane Katia, or if all of this was created as a plot to bring TurtleBoy a decent downpour of rain, but what is known is that any one of us could be next.

Anyone holding information in this matter is encouraged to send their knowledge to:
turtleboy@imagine.csob.me using the subject “Conspiracy” in the header.

Published September 2, 2011

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