Bort’s Inappropriate Christmas Gift
This holiday season, Comsie Cality confessed to giving his son, Bort Ick-Ality, a sock puppet by the name of Mr. Suck-N-Swallow. The Mr. Suck-N-Swallow line is a bedroom toy designed for men who are having problems conceiving a child and used during masturbation to collect and preserve semen for clinical impregnation at a later date.
On the open board, Comicality wrote: “And Bort? I am getting him a special sock puppet named Mr. Suck-N-Swallow, who will take all of Bort’s magic seed and have it cryogenically frozen as he goes through his adolescent years. And then we will find a harem of suitable mates who will take the seed and produce us a fine lot of offspring.”
When the Tabloid Team asked Comicality why he would do such a thing, he merely shrugged and said “You can’t have too much of a good thing.” However, he would not elaborate on his answer or reasoning. Furthermore, when we spoke with Bort, he denied the very existence of the sock puppet, despite the fact that we could see it on his foot, and when we tried taking the Mr. Suck-N-Swallow away from him, he growled and bit our ankles. What’s worse is that the police were called and ended up arresting the Tabloid Team for theft!
Rest assured, Shack Out Back friends, the Tabloid Team will not rest until Comsie Cality is brought to justice, and Mr. Suck-N-Swallow is removed from the home.