Dear Journal and everyone snooping,
At first, the new policy sounded wonderful to many people in the Shack community. It was like that feeling you get when you’re a child, right after all of the presents had been opened on Christmas morning, only to discover that there’s one more hiding deep beneath the branches of glowing pine, and it’s got your name on it! Alas, all good things always seem to come with a price. From this day forth, all Googlers using the locker rooms must do so in the nude. The only exception to this is if you’re a girl. Girls are not allowed to be naked ever again. This has been decided to help keep the peace between Google and Europe.
If at any time anyone of the female gender is caught even thinking about being naked, they will be sentenced to three months in a federal prison then sent to a European tailor to have clothes permanently fused to their body. This may seem a bit extreme, but the alternative would be worse. We do not want our children growing up with a fear of black holes, because everyone knows that the world is going to end that way. When the time comes, we, the people of Earth, will go naked, unless you’re a girl. Girls aren’t allowed in the black hole. It’s like a club house.
In advance, I thank you.