I was cursed twice when I was born. The first of which was my name. My parents thought that Bobby Jay was just the cutest name they could give their new bouncing baby boy, oblivious o the fact that I would someday be a man. Officially and legally, it’s Robert Jay Somtmers, but nobody ever calls me Robert. I’m good with Bobby, but not Bobby Jay. I think my middle name, especially paired with my first name is babyish and embarrassing. The second curse was my sexuality. See, I’m gay, though I wouldn’t realize this for a number of years. Maybe it’s that baby name that made me gay. Who knows why these things happen. The name thing was fairly easy to handle. I just never told anyone my middle name and hoped to God that nobody would discover it. But, my sexuality? That was a problem.
My earliest recollection that I liked boys was when I was 10 years old. I can still remember his name after all these years. It was in my fifth grade class at Canwood Street School that I looked at Steven sitting a couple rows away as if I was seeing him for the first time. Steven was about five feet tall and slim with brown hair buzzed short. Glancing at him, I thought he was cute. That confused me. “Are boys cute? Maybe to girls, but not to other boys.” At least everyone knows it’s supposed to work that way. I peeked at him again and thought he had pretty brown eyes. There I go again. “Pretty EYES? Eyes are eyes. Sheesh!” It was hard to tear my eyes away from him. I thought I might like to kiss him. I felt a stirring in my pants and looked down to see I had a stiffy. I tried to wrap my young mind around these strange new feelings.
Eventually, I accepted that I was attracted to Steven. Then, I wondered if it was only Steven I was attracted to, or are there other boys that might give me that same tingly feeling? I decided that research was in order. So, the next day during recess, instead of engaging in my usual playground activities, I just strolled around the playground. I stopped at one apparatus after another, checking out the boys at each location. It’s funny when I think back on this now. The way I window shopped each new group of children that I came upon. I appraised each boy for his cuteness factor and was delighted to find that I rated a few as kissable. Although this sexual awakening puzzled me, I didn’t feel any shame in my new interest in boys. Much to my dismay, the fear and shame would come later as my schoolmates thoughtlessly spouted new words they had learned. They were hateful words. Words that made me feel bad about myself. Homophobic slurs probably learned from their parents, or from other boys with ignorant, homophobic parents.
So, at the tender age of ten, my sexual awakening began and life became very complicated. I wondered if the other boys and girls in my class were having similar thoughts. Even more intriguing, are any of the boys looking at other boys this way? Or, am I the only one? This was all so new to me. It was fascinating and scary at the same time. I observed my classmates, watching without success for infatuated glances at their fellow classmates. Or, even glances at ME? Hehe. Why would anyone be infatuated with me? I was nothing special. Just an all-around average kid. Average looks, average height, and average weight. Brown eyes and light brown hair with a stubborn cowlick.
In the boy’s bathroom, I grew curious about other boys’ anatomy. But, my shyness prevented me from ever taking a peek when at the urinals. Although the bathroom was a frustrating experience in this regard, it was there that I learned a new behavior that was to continue throughout my life. I saw that many of the boys in the upper grades would spit in the urinal before peeing. I thought that was so cool. This was a place where boys could spit away from disapproving parental eyes. It just seemed so naughty and cool, so I adopted the practice myself and I felt cool too.
It was around this time that I also developed an interest in girls. Maybe because it was expected of me as a boy. There was this one girl in particular that I thought was kind of pretty. Her name was Louise . Louise had curly brown hair, hazel-green eyes, a cute little nose and a friendly smile. She smelled nice too. She also happened to live just down the street from me. I never displayed any overt interest in her until one day during recess my friend Joel excitedly told me, “Bobby, I just asked Louise to go steady with me and she said ‘yes’”. I didn’t even know that he knew her that well. Of course, neither did I outside of a few brief conversations. A strange feeling came over me, like I had been punched in the gut. I had no claim to her, but still it felt as though Joel had stolen something from me. I was the one who thought she was pretty. I was the one she should be going steady with. So, what did I do? At recess the next day, I walked up to Louise and I too asked her to go steady. I’m not sure what my thinking was at the time. Maybe that she would suddenly accept my proposal and dump Joel like yesterday’s trash. Well, Louise accepted my offer in addition to Joel’s offer to go steady. So, both Joel and I were now going steady with the same girl. Weird yeah, I know. But, we were like ten years old at the time. What did we know about relationships? It never amounted to anything, at least for me. I never held her hand or ate lunch with her. It was another year before I even kissed her. It was a relationship in name only, like I had earned a new Cub Scout badge. If Joel had taken any further steps in his relationship with her, I never learned of it. Shortly, my so called “steady” relationship with Louise just faded away. No formal breakup or anything. It just ceased to exist after a while like it never happened.
In 6th grade, Louise had a birthday party at her house and I was invited. As the evening progressed, someone suggested a game of “spin the bottle”. We all sat in a circle, boy-girl-boy-girl taking turns spinning an empty Coke bottle. The bottle was spun repeatedly until it pointed to someone of the opposite sex. The spinnor and spinnee were then supposed to go into this nearby guest closet and kiss. There was one cute, blond boy at the party named Patrick that I would have liked to spend some time with in that closet, but according to the rules there was no chance of THAT happening. For some odd reason, Patrick and this one girl always ended up together. When he spun the bottle, it would always end up pointing to her. And, when she spun, the bottle always ended up pointing to Patrick. I suspected some kind of fix but couldn’t figure out how they were doing it. On one of my turns to spin, the bottle ended up pointing directly at Patrick. I knew I would need to spin again, but the possibility gave me a thrill. I felt a warm blush on my face, but apparently nobody noticed…including Patrick.
On my next spin, the bottle pointed to a particularly pretty girl with medium length, strawberry blond hair and green eyes. Her name was Sherry. There was the requisite round of oohs from everyone as we headed to the closet. I was kinda excited, but when I closed the closet door after us, she turned to me and said, “Look, Bobby. I don’t want to kiss. Let’s just pretend that we did, ok“? I was disappointed and after counting out about 10 seconds, we emerged with the expected embarrassed look on our faces. The next person to spin was this very plain looking, slightly plump girl named Jane. That’s right…plain Jane. To my dismay, her spin pointed directly at me. Since we weren’t allowed to “pass” our turn, we went into the closet and I tried the line that Sherry used on me. Well, Jane wasn’t going to have anything to do with any cheating. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she would rat me out if she didn’t get her kiss. So, I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. THIS is how I should have handled my turn with Sherry, but it never occurred to me to be so bold and I wouldn’t have had it in me anyway. I was quite introverted and always did what I was told. This was undoubtedly the result of my upbringing. My father was quite the authoritarian figure and never hesitated to use his belt on me or my younger sister when he felt it was needed. And, he felt it was needed much too often if you ask me. I did get a couple turns in the closet with Louise and each time gave her a short, sweet kiss on her lips. She didn’t complain. Maybe she thought we were still going steady.
My family moved over the summer after I had finished sixth grade, which meant leaving my childhood friends behind and having to make new friends. By the time I entered Parker Junior High School, there was no question in my mind that I was at least bisexual. I found boys to be attractive and sexy. Junior high was different from grade school in that we had separate classes for each subject, which was great because each class held a different bunch of cute boys to look at. Puberty was kicking in hard and I was popping boners frequently as I drooled over every cute boy. When the bell rang at the end of class, I would often need to hide my state of arousal using my notebook to avoid embarrassment as I left the classroom.
The love of my life in seventh grade was John Prentiss, but he went by the nickname Toby. How cute is THAT? To this day, he remains in my top five of hottest boys I’ve known. He had medium length blond hair and beautiful clear blue eyes. He had the softest looking skin with a dusting of fine blond hair on his arms that was noticeable when the light hit him just right. He was slender, as opposed to skinny, with long, smooth legs, the face of a teen model, yummy lips and a small, perfect butt. He was perfection in my eyes and I was mesmerized by his beauty. Toby was only in one of my classes, second period Social Studies. Aside from that, I saw him in the halls once a day as we went to our respective classes. I would wait by my locker, pretending to be busy organizing my books, waiting for the moment when Toby walked by with his entourage. Toby was always surrounded by both boys and girls. He was a popular guy and I was jealous of the kids that were privileged to walk by his side. I wished that he was in my gym class where I could have the opportunity to see more of his delicious body. But, that didn’t happen. Maybe next semester.
I could only dream about having Toby as my boyfriend. In my favorite fantasy, Toby and I were close friends. We regularly went to each other’s house to do homework together, which would eventually lead to hours of kissing and fondling…sigh. In reality, I knew nothing about him, but my heart told me I was in love. I swear I was working up enough courage to talk to him. And, of course I was lying to myself. There’s wasn’t a chance in hell that I would ever have had the nerve to approach a boy so incredibly beautiful. Why would he even want to spend one minute of his time on me? I wasn’t worthy of sharing the same air as him.
When I entered 8th grade, I was devastated to learn that Toby had moved away over the summer and that I would never see him again. My heart was broken. “Oh Toby…why did you leave me? You were what made each school day bearable. ”
Overall, junior high was a frustrating and lonely time in my life. I gazed hopelessly at the cute boys in school, but never spoke to any of them. Just being in close proximity of a cute boy made my stomach turn summersaults and I felt like I might throw up. Homophobic slurs were dispensed freely. “Queer”, “fag”, “homo” and “fairy” were among the derogatory insults of the day. I also heard other vulgar slurs that made me feel horrible about myself. I was scared to death that I would be found out. There was nothing effeminate about the way I walked or talked, but still I was paranoid that people could still somehow see the faggyness in me. I blended in as well as I could.
I didn’t WANT to be this way. I wanted to be normal like everyone else and not feel so alone. “Isn’t there even ONE other boy in this WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL who was a homo like me? I COULDN’T be the only one.” I yearned to share my homosexual feelings with somebody…anybody. I wanted to be reassured that I wasn’t a horrible person and that everything would eventually get better and there would be happiness in my future. I just didn’t know who I could safely talk to about this. I couldn’t come out to my parents. They would hate me and probably kick me out of the house. My school counselor? NOT A CHANCE. It would end up in my permanent record. And, the church’s stand on homosexuality? PFFT! There was no way I would get any support there.
When I started Taft High School, my fear of discovery increased tenfold. If I thought junior high was bad, high school was worse. The kids were cliquish. Most fell in with the “popular kids” group, the “jocks”, the brainy “nerds”, or the “stoners”. Then, there was the “losers”, a mixed bag of kids consisting of those who were painfully shy, awkward, short, fat, handicapped, smelly, or just different in some way. The “losers” were not actually a cohesive social group like the others who hung out together and ate lunch together though some did in very small groups. They were generally loners and were the most picked on and bullied in school. I felt like the biggest loser of all. Having not gotten my growth spurt yet, I was short. Also, introverted, lacking in self-confidence, and…gulp…gay. As a designated loser, I got shoulder bumped in the halls, my books knocked out of my hands, and I was threatened by the much bigger jocks because they thought it was funny. If it was known just how different I really was, life would be a living hell. I didn’t dare a step out of the safety of my closet.
High school kids can be incredibly cruel. Once a kid is the target of a bully, he usually suffers abuse for the entire duration of high school. I just couldn’t gamble on approaching a cute boy knowing what would happen if he were not that way. I couldn’t trust myself not to radiate the attraction I felt for him. If he were to presume my intentions, whether true or not, it’s likely that he would have no hesitancy to spread the news around school about the new fag. If someone started the rumor, or even just insinuated that I was gay, the rest of my high school days would be a living hell. So, given the odds that I would ever find a kindred spirit, I just couldn’t take the chance…ever. I was deep in the closet with no desire to “out” myself, or be outed, and suffer the degradation and bullying that I knew would follow. I would end up an outcast. I’d lose the few friends that I had and my father would never understand.
I desperately needed to know at least one other gay boy. I needed to know that I wasn’t suffering alone. Nobody in the whole school was openly gay. At least nobody I was aware of. The notion of a Gay-Straight Alliance did not yet exist at Taft. That was to come too late for me.
Craving the physical touch of another person, I dated girls. I was a good looking boy. (I know because my mom told me so). Getting dates with girls wasn’t difficult. Because girls didn’t activate the sexual tension I would feel around cute boys, I had no problem approaching them, especially girls considered less than attractive. Yeah, I made out with them and went as far as 2nd base, all the time wishing it was a cute boy in my arms. I probably could have gone all the way with a girl, but I had no desire to. What I longed for was that incredible, mind blowing feeling of being hopelessly, madly in love with another boy who felt the same way about me.
I watched boy-girl couples walking hand-in-hand in the halls. If two boys did this they were sure to elicit snickers and derogatory comments, if not worse, from the majority of students. Maybe someday the world will become more accepting of gays. Unfortunately, my time is now. I guess I’m doomed to live a life of frustration, at least until college. Maybe things will be better then and I’ll find a boy I can love and who will love me back.
To relieve my sexual frustrations, I regularly masturbated using my mental library of cute boy images and fantasies. And, I wasn’t even having sex with someone I loved. I HATED myself. I HATED that I was different. Why ME? I was a GOOD kid. What did I do to deserve this curse? But, the pain was always with me. My heart knew what it wanted and my logical mind kept me safe. This internal struggle was tearing me apart. I was depressed and cried a lot. I turned to drugs to block the pain. At 15, I started using Marijuana to escape the pain and anguish that I felt being so lonely. I wished this was the 60’s. The hippie era. The era of free love. Sex, drugs and Rock ‘n Roll. YEAH RIGHT. Plenty of free love and sex if you were straight. I started hanging out with the stoners; the ones who liked to get high and party. My grades began to suffer.
Today is Saturday and my parent’s twentieth anniversary. Kind of a big deal because it’s a milestone of sorts. They are celebrating it with a party at our house this evening. All of their friends were invited, and my sister and I were expected to be there as well. Naturally, I had procrastinated in buying a gift for my parents. A trip to the local shopping mall was in order. I finally dragged myself out of bed around 10:00, got dressed and headed over to the bus stop. The mall was only 15 miles away, so the trip was pretty short. The Westfield mall was huge. Three stories and it even had a multi-screen cinema. I wandered from store to store looking for a gift appropriate for a couple married for twenty years. In the Nordstrom’s department store, I explained my problem to a friendly sales lady. She informed me that the traditional gift for a twentieth anniversary was something made of china, and showed me several items. Limited by my teenage budget, I settled on a pair of his and hers china mugs, and took my purchase to the gift counter to have it gift wrapped.
That task accomplished, I headed to the food court. It was about 12:30 and I hadn’t eaten yet today so was pretty hungry. The food court is shaped like a big “U” with tables and chairs scattered around in the middle. Just approaching the food court with the aromas from its many food stalls is enough to make my stomach start growling. I walked past the typical mall food fare of Hotdog on a Stick, Subway, Wetzel’s Pretzels, Jamba Juice and some ice cream place. I ended up at this Asian food stall called “Chopstix” and bought a sweet and sour pork plate, with a side of rice. With my tray and Nordstrom’s bag in hand, I started searching for an empty table. As I scanned the seating area, I noticed a couple of cute looking boys my age at one of the tables about 20 feet away. As I took a closer look, I froze and my jaw dropped. I knew the boy on the left. It was HIM! It couldn’t be. But, it WAS. IT WAS TOBY!! My Toby from junior high. I couldn’t move. I just stood there staring at him with my feet glued to the floor.
Toby and his friend were chatting away, having a good time. They occasionally scanned the room, obviously scoping for pretty girls. Then, as Toby let his gaze drift around once again, panic set in. My eyes darted left and right searching for an escape before he noticed the bug-eyed freak standing there with his mouth hanging open. Too late, he spotted me. With a double take, a smile grew on his face with recognition. He said something to his buddy who rolled his eyes and then Toby waved me over. WHAT? NO WAY! I looked behind me figuring that he was smiling and waving to someone else, but there was nobody behind me. When I looked back, he was still smiling and waving me over. I slowly approached his table and just stood there, my mouth still slightly open in surprise.
He said, “Bobby, right?” I just nodded my head, still unable to speak. “Pull up a chair and join us, dude”. He seemed happy to see me. I was surprised that he even remembered who I was. I put my tray down and took a seat, all the while staring at him with disbelief. I could see that they had just finished eating. I had almost forgotten there was another person at the table, when Toby introduced me to his friend. “Bobby, this is my friend Kevin. Kevin…Bobby. Bobby and I went to junior high together before I moved to our new house.” Kevin was pretty cute. He had a medium build, reddish brown hair and a sprinkling of freckles across his nose. I managed to squeak out a shy “hello”.
Kevin gave me a “Hey” and a quick up-nod of his head. He looked irritated that that I was joining them. I felt like I was intruding. Maybe I was imagining it. I DO have self-esteem issues. I didn’t want to be rude to Kevin, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Toby. He was still as gorgeous as I remembered him, if not more so.
I realized I was staring at Toby, so I lowered my eyes to my food. My mind was racing. I couldn’t just sit here like a dork, but couldn’t think of anything to say. The silence seemed like it went on for hours, but in reality was just seconds. I thought to myself, “C’mon Bobby. SAY something.” I felt awkward and embarrassed at my inability to speak. Finally, I said pitifully, “I’m surprised you remember me.”
He frowned and answered, “We were in Mr. Oren’s Social Studies class together, right? That guy was a real trip. I loved when he got all flustered at us kids and his face turned red as a tomato.” Now, it came to me. Even though we had never spoken to each other in junior high, I realized that Toby knew my name because roll was taken every day. But, the fact that he actually remembered me just floored me.
Here I was sitting with my dream boy, who I thought I would never see again. Not only that, but he knew who I was and seemed happy to see me again. With a confused look, I turned to Toby and said, “I thought you moved away.”
He explained, “We did, but really not that far, just far enough that I ended up in the next school district.” Toby, being a good host, kept his friend, Kevin in the conversation, now and then explaining some of the events we were talking about. Even Kevin had warmed up and was enjoying our conversation. I found Toby surprisingly easy to talk to and wondered why I was so afraid to ever talk to him before. Oh, Right. He was a god and I was just…me. Toby and I chatted about our time together in Junior High, kids we had both known there, and crazy times like this one fire drill. The boys in gym class were in the middle of getting dressed when the fire bell rang. They had to hurry out to the lawn, and this one guy named Daniel tripped and fell on his face because his pants fell down. We all got a chuckle out of that one. As we talked, I couldn’t help but stare at Toby and admire his beauty. He had filled out a bit since I last saw him last. He was no longer the skinny kid I remembered, and now displayed some evidence of athleticism. He looked AWESOME. He wore his beautiful blond hair a little longer than when I last saw him, and he had that delicious tan that only blonds seem to get. When Toby spoke to me, he always smiled and looked directly into my eyes, which made me so nervous. I couldn’t believe that I was actually sitting here with Toby and talking to him. He actually seemed interested in what I was saying. Not only was he beautiful on the outside, he was beautiful on the inside too. He was sweet, friendly and funny. I was infatuated all over again and couldn’t control my giggling. Kevin seemed to be having a good time too, and my giggling amused him. Somehow, I managed to eat most of my meal though the food kept falling off my fork because my hand was shaking so much.
Toby then glanced at his watch. “Hey Bobby, Kevin and I had planned to catch the next showing of the new Star Wars movie, ‘Episode VII: The Force Awakens”. I hear it’s really cool. Would you like to join us?”
WOULD I??? More time to spend with my dream boy. I blurted out, “YEAH, Sure.” Realizing that my response was too fast and loud, I followed with a more subdued, “I mean…that sounds like fun. Thanks.”
After purchasing our tickets, we bought drinks and an extra-large box of popcorn to share, and found our theater. As we walked down the aisle, I suddenly panicked, realizing that I might not end up sitting next to Toby. But, when we found a row with several empty seats, Toby whispered something to Kevin that I couldn’t hear, and then let Kevin enter the row first. Toby went next, followed by me. So, Toby was now seated between Kevin and me. YES!!! I was overjoyed to be sitting so close to him. The theater was new and modern. It had stadium style seats so everyone had an unobstructed view of the screen, and double wide arm rests with built in cup holders. We shared some popcorn with each other and then the movie started. I was startled when Toby shared the arm rest with me. His smooth skin felt so good against mine and the fine hairs on his arm tickled a bit. I immediately got hard. I can’t believe I’m actually TOUCHING him. As Toby let his legs relax and spread wide, his knee ended up in contact with my knee. There was no reaction from him at our touch, but my conditioned reflex was to move my knee away. I suppose that’s what people meant by a knee jerk reaction. Straight guys didn’t touch knees in a dark theater, right?
After a minute or two, I decided to take a chance. What did I have to lose? If he didn’t like it, he would move his leg. But, when I let my knee return to touch his lightly, he didn’t move away. Inside, I was going crazy. I pressed down on my boner to relieve the pressure and used the box of popcorn to hide the visible tenting in my pants. I was looking at the movie screen, but my focus was all on my physical contact with the gorgeous boy sitting beside me.
Then, Toby lifted his arm from the arm rest and I immediately mourned the loss of his soft, warm skin against mine, but what he did next was reach into the popcorn box in my lap. In order to grab a handful of popcorn he had to press down, causing the popcorn box to press against my still hard member. My eyes went wide and I gasped knowing that his hand was just inches away from my erection. I’m not sure if Toby noticed my reaction, but he looked at me and gave me this big grin. When he finished off his handful of popcorn, he replaced his arm next to mine, but this time it felt like his arm was pressing a bit firmer against mine. I smiled and felt whole again.
All this physical contact made it impossible for me to concentrate on the movie. I was a nervous wreck. I continually glanced at him through the corner of my eye. Did he have any clue what he was doing to me? Now and then, Toby would turn to Kevin, trade some elbow poking and whispered remarks resulting in Kevin glancing over at me with a smirk. I felt a bit jealous at their interaction, but I knew that as friends they obviously had inside jokes to share with each other. Before today, I never really expected to see Toby ever again. But, here I was, not only sitting beside him, but managing to have some skin-to-skin contact. It was more than I ever dreamed of. I knew I would never forget this day. Little did I know, the day was to get even better.
The movie ended and the lights came on. I quickly moved my arm and leg away before Kevin could see our intimate contact. My head was spinning. We got up and left the theater. I was about to say goodbye and rush home to spend some private time relieving the pressure my erection had been begging for over the past two hours. To my surprise, Toby turned to me and asked, “Hey Bobby, if you have nothing planned for the rest of the day, would you like to come over and play some video games? You might like this cool Atari 5200 game system that my dad gave me. It has lots of the old arcade games like, Pac Man, Missile Command, Space Invaders, Centipede, and a bunch of others.”
SERIOUSLY?? MORE time with my honey? No way was I going to miss this opportunity. I looked down at my Nordstrom’s bag with the anniversary gift inside. I still had a few hours before my parent’s party. So, trying not to sound overly excited, I said, “Sure, sounds like fun”.
We all hopped on the next bus towards Toby’s house. It was the typical seating arrangement for buses, a pair of seats on each side of an aisle. We found an empty row and Toby grabbed the window seat on the left, pulling Kevin into the seat next to him. I took the empty seat directly across the aisle from them. Toby and Kevin were having quite an animated conversation, but the drone of the bus’ motor, the frequent gear shifting, along with the loud voices and laughter from the other passengers made it near impossible to hear what they were saying. Since Toby was facing my direction, I managed to pick up only bits and pieces of what he was saying to Kevin. “…come on…really want…I’ll make it up…” Toby seemed quite determined about something and Kevin appeared to be reluctantly nodding his head.
I gave up on trying to eavesdrop on their conversation and gazed out the window on my side of the bus, though I paid little attention to the scenery flowing by. I was soon busy with my own thoughts. With a dreamy smile, I replayed in my head the last couple hours sitting next to Toby in the theater. I wondered if there would be more chances to sort of accidentally touch him at his house. Then, nervousness set in. Toby and Kevin were good friends and I hope I won’t feel like the odd man out. But, then Toby DID invite me to join them, right? He didn’t HAVE to do that. I decided that no matter what, it will still be more time in the company of my dream boy.
When we got off the bus, Kevin turned to us and said, “You know what? I just remembered that I have this family obligation so I won’t be able to join you guys.”
WOW! One-on-one time with Toby. Awesome! Toby, pouted, “Aw dude, that sucks.”
And, trying to sound sincere, I followed with “Yeah, that’s too bad” trying not to reveal the joy I was feeling inside.
“Well, G’bye Bobby. It was nice meeting you. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime. Bye Toby. You guys have fun,” said Kevin with a wink and a smile, as he headed off towards his house.
Toby looked at me and grinned, “Well, it looks like it’s just the two of us then.”
It was a short walk from the bus stop to Toby’s house. As we walked to his house, Toby brought me up to date on his life since junior high, and talked about his friendship with Kevin. He said they were very close friends and could tell each other pretty much anything. We also talked about the latest music videos and discussed the movie, not that I remembered much of it, but I did my best to hold my end of the conversation. We arrived at Toby’s house. It was a nice looking house, a white two-story with green trim and shutters, and a well-manicured lawn.
Toby used his key to open the front door and shouted, “Mom, I’m home”. His mother came out of the kitchen to greet him and then noticed this new boy standing by her son. She was a very good looking woman with blond hair. I could see where Toby got his good looks. He then introduced us. “Mom, this is Bobby. He’s an old friend from Parker Junior High. I ran into him at the mall.” I got a warm feeling hearing him refer to me as his friend. She said she was glad to meet me and asked us if we wanted a snack or something. Toby replied, “No thanks. We had lunch earlier and popcorn at the movie, so we’re good. We’re going to play some video games in my room.” We headed upstairs with Toby in the lead. Toby closed his bedroom door behind us.
I looked around his room and I was in awe. I’m actually standing in Toby Prentiss’ bedroom. This is where my dream boy sleeps, plays and studies. I looked at his bed and wondered what he wore to bed, if anything. I blushed at the thought. It was a nice room. Not too neat, not too messy. He had these awesome, framed psychedelic posters of classic rock bands from the 60’s on his walls. There was the iconic Abbey Road Beatles poster, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix and others. I told him the posters were really cool and these were some of my favorite Classic Rock bands. He smiled and told me he had acquired them from his dad.
His Atari system was on a small table along with a flat-screen TV. There was a single chair in front of the table that looked like he had moved it there from his desk. So, he moved the chair out of the way and pulled the table closer to his bed so we could sit side by side while we played. Toby was sitting on my left. When I saw him kick off his shoes, I did the same. He fired up the Atari system and told me to choose a game. I selected Missile Command since I was quite good at it having played it often in the arcades. None of the Atari games were two-person interactive, meaning that in two-player mode, player one would play until he lost his turn, and then player two would take his turn., and then back and forth until each player had lost all of his turns. He let me start first. The object of the game is to save my missile silos from the invaders by firing missiles to intercept the invaders’ smart bombs as they dropped. The arcade games used a trackball to aim the missiles, but the home console used a joy stick, so it took me a few minutes to get the hang of it. But, once I did, I was playing like a pro. Toby was impressed with my play and said so. To hear him compliment me made my cheeks burn.
When it was his turn, I pretended to be absorbed in his game, but I couldn’t stop peeking at him out of the corner of my eye. He made the cutest faces as he worked to keep up with the increasing speed of the game. We were sitting really close together on his bed and I leaned in closer under the guise of watching him play. I breathed in deeply and took in his scent. He smelled so good. Like cookies ‘n cream with just a touch of boy sweat from our earlier walk from the bus stop. I was getting hard again. While his attention was on the game, I did my best to reposition my hard on so it wouldn’t be so visible. We played a couple other games and I continued to steal glances at him while it was his turn, resisting this urge to lean over and lick his face.
Then, when it was my turn again, I could sense him watching me as I played. I could tell he was looking at me rather than the monitor. He was making me nervous and I was making mistakes. It felt like the temperature in the room had risen ten degrees. Toby was amused at my broken concentration. I played on, trying not to lose my turn so quickly, but I could tell he was still watching me. And, then it happened.
Toby leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. That’s when I lost all concentration on the game and my turn ended. I turned to look at him with wide-eyed shock. Seeing my reaction, Toby got scared and immediately apologized. “Oh Shit. I’m sorry dude. That was…that was wrong of me. I thought…maybe you…um…just sorry…my mistake. You probably want to leave now.” Toby looked so distraught. I continued to stare back at him with my eyes still wide and mouth open. He didn’t know what to do because I wasn’t saying anything. Then, gradually my expression changed from shock to amazement with the realization of what just happened. OH MY GOD! Toby KISSED me. I managed to stutter, “N-no, it’s c-cool. I’m not mad. It just surprised me, that’s all.” My expression softened and with a shy smile I bit my lower lip.
Toby saw that I wasn’t upset and that I actually seemed to be okay with that sweet peck on my cheek. A smile grew on his face and he said, “Well, then I won’t surprise you this time.” And, he leaned over, gave me a sweet kiss on my lips and sat back to observe my reaction. I blushed and giggled like a girl. When he saw an even bigger smile on my face, Toby slowly leaned in again. But, this time I met him half way, and our lips connected for a long, sweet kiss. His lips were so soft. I wasn’t prepared for how sweet his kisses were. Our lips parted and we looked into each other’s eyes with affection. Then, as if there was some gravity force pulling us together, our lips found each other’s again. Toby’s left hand moved to behind my neck holding my mouth against his. My arms just naturally surrounded his narrow waist. I felt Toby’s tongue tickling my lips. I opened my mouth slightly to allow his tongue entry and to meet mine for the first time. Our tongues danced together. I’ve waited my whole life for this.
My heart was pounding. I can’t believe this is happening! I’m kissing a boy and it’s everything I thought it would be. No…it’s even BETTER. This is not just ANY boy. I’m MAKING OUT with Toby Prentiss! I melted against him. I was in heaven.
“Pinch me. I need to know I’m not dreaming this.”
“Funny guy. C’mere you.” and with an amused smirk, pulled me into another long, heavenly kiss.
I suddenly realized that his mother was in the house. I broke off the kiss. “Um, your mother is…”
Before I could finish, he said, “Don’t worry. My door is closed and we have an understanding in this house that nobody barges in when the door is closed.” And, then with a Cheshire cat grin, he whispered, “Besides, I locked my door behind us when we first got here.” After a short pause, he said, “Bobby, I have another confession to make”, and he bit his lower lip with embarrassment. “Um, I sorta told Kevin to take a hike so we could be alone. See, I always thought you were cute and hoped that…“
“Wait, what?” YOU thought I was CUTE?
“Yeah, but I thought you didn’t like me ‘cause you never spoke to me and always darted out of class before I could say anything to you.”
“Dude, I was so intimidated by you.”
With a big sigh, Toby looked down at the floor. “Yeah, I get that a lot,” he admitted with a hint of sadness in his voice. “Girls go crazy for me, but guys…well, the ones I think might be…you know…gay…at least the ones I’m interested in…seem afraid of me.”
“That’s because you’re so… beautiful. You’re like…untouchable.”
“Look, I hope I don’t sound conceited or anything, but I know I’m pretty good looking and…“
“Um, PRETTY good looking?” I interrupted.
“And, sometimes”, he continued, “It’s a curse instead of a gift.”
My eyes got all misty. “Well, you’re the best gift I could ever wish for. And, not just because of the way you look. You’re fun to be with, you’re smart and charming and…and…fuck…will you please kiss me again before I…“
And, before I could finish, he did…again and again. I was screaming inside with exhilaration. I pulled him tighter against me. Then, tighter still like I was trying to physically merge our bodies. The world outside our embrace ceased to exist. Only those sweet pink lips and amazing tongue mattered. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest. My eyes watered up and a tear fell down my cheek.
Toby took notice and became concerned. “Bobby…what’s wrong?”
I looked into his beautiful blue eyes and told him, “Absolutely nothing is wrong…sniff. Everything is perfect. I’m so happy.” I hugged him tightly with my chin on his shoulder. I turned my head and tenderly kissed his smooth cheek, then his jaw and then kissed my way down to lovingly nuzzle and kiss his soft neck. He pulled back and studied my face and then kissed away my salty tears. We kissed passionately and I gently pushed him back on the bed. All the years I had wished and hoped for intimacy with a wonderful boy had finally come true. And, it was not just with any cute boy. Toby might think me the biggest dork in the world after this display of affection but I didn’t care. Tomorrow can take care of itself. Today, I’m going to indulge myself to the max. I was a boy possessed. I planted sweet butterfly kisses all over his face and then more lingering kisses on his soft lips. I was overwhelmed with emotion. The words that I’ve been dying to say all these years came flooding out. “Toby, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I’ve ALWAYS loved you.”
He was visibly choked up by my display of affection and declaration of love. “Oh, Bobby…” he sighed and swapped positions with me. I reveled in the feeling of his weight on top of me. He mashed his moist lips against mine with renewed intensity. He used his tongue expertly and I was dizzy from the emotion. I moved my hands under his shirt and explored the youthful muscles of his back. His skin was so smooth and warm. I needed to experience more of him. I tugged upwards on his shirt and he got the message.
He pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it on the floor. My hands roamed over his smooth, hairless chest and flat, soft stomach. I had only imagined how nice a boy’s body would feel, but this was WAY beyond anything I had dreamed of. I pulled him tight against me and we kissed with even more passion that before. I could feel his erection behind his shorts pressing against my hip, as I’m sure he could feel my own fully hard 6 inches.
I rolled him over so that I was on top again and practically ripped my own shirt off, tossing it to the floor along with his. I hungrily attacked his neck, kissing, licking and sucking on it as he moaned uncontrollably. I kissed my way down to his collar bone, then his chest, inhaling his intoxicating aroma. I was in a sexual frenzy as I took first one of his nipples in my mouth to suck on and play with my tongue, and then gave equal time to the other nipple. I was driving him crazy with lust.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket but I ignored it. After all these years of wanting and needing to share a physical love with a special boy, nothing was going to interrupt what was happening now, especially some text or phone call. Nobody was more important and needing of my attention as Toby was at this moment.
Our hearts were pounding so loud I would think Toby’s mother could hear them if she were to walk by his door. Toby pushed me up gently to get some space between us and reached down to unbutton my shorts and tug on the zipper. He pushed my shorts and then boxers down over my hips, exposing my quivering, fully engorged member for the first time in the company of another person. A drop of pre-cum fell to Toby’s stomach. I managed to push my shorts and boxers as a unit down my legs and used my feet to kick them off completely. I reached down to unbutton Toby’s shorts and let down his zipper. We rolled over so that Toby was once again on top and together we worked to relieve him of his remaining clothes.
With the exception of our socks, we were both completely naked now. Toby positioned himself between my legs and I spread them wide to allow him access. We attacked each other’s mouths like there was no tomorrow. Toby ground and rubbed his hard member against mine. The sensation was indescribable. We were both moaning with pleasure. I just couldn’t get enough, especially knowing who I was sharing this experience with. I felt my orgasm building and building, and then when it seemed like it couldn’t get any better, I experienced the most mind blowing, powerful orgasm of my life. I shot spurt after spurt of hot, white seed between our bellies as I tried not to scream out for fear of being heard by Toby’s mother. My orgasm triggered Toby’s and as he began to shoot, he raised up on his knees and elbows as we both watched his multiple spurts of love juice land on my chest, neck and even my face. Completely spent and with a light sheen of perspiration covering our bodies, we goofily gazed at each other with joy and affection.
With a wicked grin, I used my finger to capture the “cum drop” that had landed on my face and sucked it off my finger with a sexy, seductive look on my face. It didn’t taste bad at all and knowing that this gift was from my one and only true love made it all that much sweeter. The look on Toby’s face when I did that was priceless. He plunged his mouth against mine, sticking his tongue as deep as possible while I sucked on it and we rubbed our bodies together mixing our spent love juices.
We sat up and hugged lovingly, but found it somewhat uncomfortable because of the fluids now growing cold on our bodies. We both giggled and Toby got up to get a towel. He took one end of the towel and thoughtfully handed me the other end so that we could simultaneously clean ourselves up. Just then, my cell phone buzzed again. I found my shorts and pulled the phone out of a pocket. It was a text from my Dad. The message read, “Bobby, this is the second time I’ve texted you. You have 30 minutes to get home and dressed for our party. Don’t let me down“. Pouting, I showed the message to Toby. He understood that I had to go.
I retrieved my clothes from the floor, dressed, ran my fingers through my hair to make it somewhat presentable and sat down again on the bed next to Toby. I gently took his right hand in mine and brought it to my face until the back of his soft hand was pressed against my cheek. I closed my eyes and savored the events of the past hour.
Toby’s eyes grew misty as he watched me tenderly kiss his knuckles. I brought his hand back down to the bed and gave it a squeeze. I looked him in the eye and lovingly told him, “I’ll never forget this day as long as I live”.
“Neither will I, babe”, he responded and we shared one more passionate kiss. We both would have liked to begin another round of hot, steamy sex, but I had to leave and broke off the kiss with an apologetic smile. I knew there would be more chances and new ways to demonstrate my love for Toby in the days ahead.
We stood up and I retrieved my Nordstrom’s bag from the table where I left it. After one last hug and kiss, we exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. Then, Toby opened his bedroom door and escorted me downstairs.
Toby’s mother gave us a smile and said, “I hope you boys had fun today. I hope to see you again soon, Bobby”.
Toby told her, “Yes, we had a lot of fun.”, and we both looked at each other and giggled.
His mom shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I wonder what mischief that boy has gotten into now.”
I said goodbye to his Mom and Toby let me out the front door and closed the door behind us. Standing on the front porch, I took his hand in mine. I wanted to tell him again that I loved him, but felt that might scare him off and I didn’t want to jeopardize the relationship before it even got started. What we shared today was special to him too. I could see it in his eyes.
“Bye Toby” I said softly biting my lower lip.
“Bye Bobby”, he returned with that awesome smile of his.
I started to leave but we had trouble letting go of each other’s hand. As I made my way towards the bus stop, I kept glancing back to see that Toby was still watching me from his porch until I was out of view. I couldn’t help by smile at the memory of this utterly amazing day. I had to look down at my feet to make sure I wasn’t actually floating.
This was, without exception, the most wonderful day of my life. Sometimes you do get what you wish for.
This is a semi-fictionalized autobiography and my first effort at fiction writing. I was inspired by the wonderful stories written by Comicality. The courage and motivation to write this came from Comsie’s essay, “What to write, what to write”. Thank you for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed it.
– Uncle Bob