“It wasn’t that long ago that I was a kid in high school, and I used to get very jealous when I saw my boyfriend flirting with someone else. Especially after Boyfriend #2 crushed my heart. I learned to relax a bit more and let things take their course after breaking up with Boyfriend #3. He was a true monster in every regard, a total control-freak. I resolved to never let myself become like him. As a result, I don’t normally get jealous with my husband. He sometimes goes out after work to have a drink or two with his coworkers, but always comes home in time for dinner. He’s allowed to have fun, of course. Everyone is. But I get a little protective if we’re at a party and I think someone is moving in on my guy. Hands off! Mine!

I guess the rules change a bit when you’re married. A little bit of jealousy is okay, just to remind people that your partner is already taken, but you don’t have to worry too much. After all, he/she said yes to you, not the other guy.” –Page Scrawler

“Aw man, you know when I was a kid and hiding my feelings from everyone, I used to simply assume that anyone I was interested in was straight and there was no way I was ever going to have a boyfriend. Any girl they spoke with felt like competition that I just wasn’t going to measure up to. I was jealous of girls just for being girls. Which made me angry cause I liked being a boy, almost as much as I liked other boys. Granted, the locker room or shower in school gave me a better view than they would ever have of just about anyone I ever wanted to see naked or even close to it. Just the fact that I felt that I needed to pretend I wasn’t interested just felt so unfair. I guess I grew up in the wrong decade to be comfortably open that way. (The right one for open showers with friends after P.E. though. ) ” –JeffsFort

“Jealousy…

I had to think about this one, because I don’t ever remember feeling jealous regarding something involving me in a relationship with someone. And I’m not a very jealous person by nature. Maybe it’s because I’m not really a socialite. I don’t spend any time trying to get attention, or form lots of friendships.

I might be envious, if someone had something I didn’t, a better body? Nice tan? Nicer eyes or lips?

And feelings of inadequacy might be there too. Am I good enough for him/her?
But that’s not jealousy, and I wouldn’t be with that person if I couldn’t trust them around other people.

The closest that might count was when I was young and my gorgeous straight friend started getting close to his first girlfriend. That’s when friendships are tested, and that girl was getting a part of him I never could.

I felt more sad about it than jealous, though. Obviously, I was happy for him too.

Jealousy is about the threat of losing someone, or something, and I never had him, in that way, in the first place. But the jealousy part might count because I feared losing our tight friendship we had developed over the years, if he wanted to spend all his time with her now (fortunately that didn’t happen).

I have felt jealousy when it comes to friendships, though. I’m sure we all have. When you’re young there’s three friends or more, in your group, you try to figure out where you fit into it, and who’s most liked by who? Who gets the lion’s share of attention? I mean, it’s not like you ‘think’ about it, but you can’t help but notice the dynamics.

But I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, and I’m more sure about myself, the fewer chances I have had to get jealous over stuff. Most of the time I don’t care about a specific issue enough to feel that way.” –Mike

“YES! I can definitely be jealous sometimes!

Now, when I say that,I don’t want you guys to think that I’m some sort of psycho or that I’m overly possessive of the people in my life. I’m not. But I’d be a bold faced liar if I said that I didn’t get jealous sometimes.

Like…if I’m out with someone, and it’s a party atmosphere? Then sure. We’re there to mingle and have fun and talk to other people. That’s fun. Just…not at my expense. If that makes sense. Don’t get totally absorbed in some other guy all night and completely ignore me. That’s when the jealousy monster starts to rise to the surface. I could be wrong, but I think a little envy is healthy in a relationship.

What can I say? I care. I want to be close to you. I want you to want to be close to me too. When things get out of balance, then yeah…I feel like I’m being scammed. Because there are people out there who will deliberately move in on your boyfriend and push hard to replace you for their own selfish needs. And I know who they are…but they can deal with that karma when it boomerangs back to them. I won’t be a part of that.

Anyway, a little jealousy is ok from time to time. I don’t own or control anybody, and if they leave me behind for somebody else…then, sucks to be me, I guess. I can be an adult about that. But I’d never claim to not be jealous when it happens. The green eyed monster is like the HULK for me! LOL!

So be gentle with my heart, ok? I’ve been hurt before! LOL!” –Comicality

“Yeah…

So, I haven’t had many relationships as an adult. Even when I was younger, any of the “fun” I had was with “friends” who eventually would stop being interested as they moved on to other relationships… often with the opposite sex. (Blech…) But, healthy or not, I allowed myself to get attached. Sure what these people had become were mainly friends with awesome benefits, it was nothing more than two horny teens comfortable enough to find release with someone close. But, while this was going on, have an afternoon of anticipated “play time” turn into an invite to hang out with others, and I would actually get jealous.

More times than not, I would be invited as well but, I couldn’t hide my disappointment well and would even be upset with the person who invited us to “not hole up in a bedroom with a skin mag to get sweaty” (Ahem). Anyway, it would get to me that our activities would become “Plan B” all too easy and to a teenager with a secret infatuation on a best friend, it felt like a slap in the face. As much as I understand what it was I was hoping for, I can still remember justifying some of the situations and how they played out. I was actually jealous of our other friends for being able to take away my alone time with *whoever* and many times, even with an invite, I would come up with something else I wanted to do to not be around them, even if it meant going home and pouting in my room alone.

God, I was a complicated kid… ” –Bob

If you guys want to add your two cents to any one of the ‘Q & A’ sessions for future issues of Imagine Magazine, we’d LOVE to hear your input and your personal stories on the forum! Feel free to attach your screen name, or do so anonymously! Drop by “The Shack Out Back” forum on the 1st and 15th of every month for a brand new topic of conversation! We look forward to hearing more from you! πŸ™‚

 

Published March 13, 2019