I’m sure we’ve all heard the term ‘friends with benefits’, right? Basically, someone that you’re not romantically involved with…but you don’t mind getting together to relieve a little sexual tension every now and then. The question is…can something like this really work?
I mean…sure, you have fun. You get a regular access to a sexual release. And you’re already friends, so where’s the harm in that?
But…what happens if you DO fall for him, and he doesn’t feel the same way? Or vice versa? What happens if one of you falls for someone else in a romantic way? Does that mean the ‘benefits’ have to immediately stop? And is there any bitter feelings left over if they do? Does jealousy play a part? How temporary is temporary? And will the friendship suffer from being sexually involved in that way? Or is it possible to just be blissfully happy with a healthy, normal, mutually beneficial, relationship with someone that you may not be madly in love with…but fully enjoy anyway?
Let us know your thoughts on this you guys! Seezya soon!
I think the point is that there’s a difference between ‘can’ and ‘will’.
Can a friends with benefits deal work? Yes.
Will it always work with no complications? No.
There can be problems, like the ones you mentioned.
We’re emotional beings and we don’t always know how we’re going to feel, in the future, about person X.
So then the question you have to ask yourself is, is it worth the risk for some pleasure?
For me it was. I have gotten emotionally invested in a friends with benefits situation. It wasn’t completely unexpected, but I knew it would never go anywhere.
It never really was agreed between us that we’d be FWB, but it was just always assumed. We were horny and we got each other off.
BUT! I have no regrets. Yeah, it sucked for a while, but I came away with some new experiences, and I’ll never forget those times. I enjoyed the sex, as well as the other times we spent together.” –Mike
“In a word…nah… 😛
Honestly, I’ve had two experiences in my life that basically tells me that something like this could never really work out for the best. At least not for me. For other people, I wish them the best…but I couldn’t do it, myself.
I mean, I’ve seen people try. But it usually causes bad things to happen further down the line. Now, if two friends are in the ‘moment’ and a sexual encounter spontaneously happens between them…that’s one thing. But a recurring series of incidents? That’s just asking for trouble.
When I was about 13, almost 14, I sort of had sex with someone who was my best friend at the time. And it was good! Hehehe! But after the first two or three times…well…it was like all he would think about. Don’t get me wrong, I was just as horny as he was…but the truth is…I missed my best friend. I wanted to watch horror movies and play Nintendo and just hang out, but…sex kind of took over everything and we were never able to get back to where we were.
It didn’t end badly or anything, but we sort of drifted apart. And I feel like sex sort of broke the bond that we had with one another.
Move ahead about a year or two, I met my best friend, Mike, who is still one of my very best friends to this day. But I honestly fell in LOVE with him! Like…tragically so! LOL! And Mike is straight, so, you know…no chance there for anything more significant. And we’ve never had any sexual contact at all…but if we had, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have been able to handle that. Because, whenever I love somebody, I love them to the limit! Hehehe, I am candy and flowers and music and random messages on a Tuesday morning to say, “I love you. Just wanted you to know!” My romantic feelings for him couldn’t have been held at bay. I would have been hurt, then depressed, then angry, then jealous…hehehe, it would have been a huge mess that I’m glad we avoided.
Luckily, once I give somebody a piece of my heart, whether it works out or not, they can keep it. I’ll love you forever, no matter what. I’ll just have to do it in a different way than what I wish could be the ideal.
Anyway…friends with benefits, to me, is like having a granola bar to hold you off until dinner. It just doesn’t last for very long. And I’d rather go for something special when it comes to sex with another person.
That’s not to say the friends with benefits idea is impossible…but I wouldn’t know how to work that out. Would you?” –Comicality
“I guess I was inspired to reply to this question. First up, I wouldn’t have sex with someone I didn’t have feelings for. Love grows, so you risk falling in love. If he doesn’t feel the same way, you’ve made a mistake, it happens, or things change. If you fall for someone else, then YES, you immediately stop having your involvement with your friend. You’d be a pretty shifty person to play two relationships together? Bitter feelings left over? YES, no matter how a relationship ends and your friends with benefits is a relationship, there are bitter feelings. There IS jealousy, of course there is jealousy when someone else comes along. Temporary – that’s kind of a strange concept. I’ll just have sex with you whilst I’m waiting to find the guy I’ll fall in love with. OMG, just think about what you’re saying! Will your friendship suffer from being sexually involved? YES, you bet it will. Finally, can you have sex, because that’s what you mean by a mutually beneficial relationship with someone you’re not madly in love with? Well yeah, if you’re like fifteen, but not when you’re an adult, sex with someone just to get off. People do it, but I wouldn’t. Well, you asked. Friends with benefits = love and health warning!” –Talo Segura
“I tried having a “Friends with Benefits” relationship with a buddy in high school. It worked for a while, but then I found myself falling in love with him. We still had fun (both in and out of the sheets), but I’m afraid I started getting an awkward attitude. And my friend could apparently sense it, because one day, he said, “I think we should stop jerking off together.” I didn’t say anything, I just nodded my head. I knew it was for the best. Eventually, he found himself a girlfriend, and I started dating a guy, and we settled back into our routine as friends. We never mentioned it again, but would share our romantic troubles with each other after a breakup. He was a great friend, and I still have a lot of admiration for him today, even though we’ve since fallen out of contact.” –Page Scrawler
He and I were best friends in grade school and as our bodies matured the sexual bond began to form.
We never got to consumate the relationship fully because of my reticence and because our families watched both of us closely.
When Jon started to act out and after we both were held up at gun point in the summer of 1983 our folks found the excused needed to break us up.
I obeyed and Jon was heartbroken. He wanted me to rebel and to go with him, but we were kids and that couldn’t happen. It was then that I learned to freeze my heart and do the bitter things that ached but ‘had to be done’ to remain a ‘good’ person in this world. The sacrifices that one has to make to remain on the ‘straight and narrow’. I fell in with new friends, one who would also try to become a friend with benefits or more if I could have allowed it.
Jon fell in with a bad element, became hooked on drugs, and dropped out of school. Later I learned he moved back to New Mexico where I found he still is to this day.
I never forgot Jon or the mistake I made not taking the chance and allowing my heart to burn hot rather than freeze in my chest. A burning heart is alive. A frozen one is not and it is harder to thaw than to freeze.” –MrM