It’s something to think about, you know?
Imagine that you’ve found someone special out there. Someone you find beautiful, inside and out. You laugh together, have a lot in common, and genuinely care deeply for one another in every possible way…except one.
The question is…what happens if you’re romantically or sexually incompatible in a relationship? Even if EVERYTHING else is coming up roses. What happens if you like to kiss and cuddle, but your partner doesn’t? What if he likes open displays of affection in public and the thought of it makes you cringe? What if one of you wants it hard and aggressive five days a week, and the other wants it slow and sensual maybe once or twice?
That’s not to speak of practices that may be borderline fetishes that one partner or the other may not be into. Bondage or foot worship or role playing…maybe something as simple as talking dirty to one another. On one hand…sex isn’t everything, right? If you’re in love then you’re in love. But, on the other hand…will there be something ‘missing’ if one party isn’t fully getting their needs met? Can you two be truly happy like that? Will it lead to resentment, or boredom, or forced compromise, or maybe even cheating on each other?
Let us know what you think about romantic or sexual incompatibility for next month’s issue! We’d be happy to hear what you have to say. Anonymous comments are welcome.
“Sometimes, love isn’t enough. Sex isn’t everything either, but it’s not nothing either. I think you need a good balance of both to make things work. That’s probably why some people cheat. Not because they don’t love their partner, but because they’re sexually incompatible.
On the other hand, maybe looking at love and sex as two sides of the same coin is a mistake. Maybe they’re really two distinct relationships, and we’re setting ourselves up for failure by trying to combine them into one.” – Anonymous
“I suppose it depends on the issue.
I get horny pretty often, but I don’t need sex. I can ‘sort’ myself out. I have done for a while now. 😛
But I love to hug and snuggle, in private. If my partner was the no touchy feely type, I don’t know if we’d work as a relationship. Cause that’s like the ultimate feeling of ‘coldness’ to me. Not being able to cuddle up with my partner. We might as well be friends then.
Your question made me think about a thread I saw on Reddit, recently, about mixed-orientation relationships, which was a mind fuck to read. Like, if you’re only attracted to one sex (same, or opposite) but you’ve helplessly fallen in love with someone from a sex you’ve never been into (for instance a straight man falls for a gay man. Or a gay man falls for a straight woman). How do you deal with that? Various couples dealt with it in different ways, and some could have a sex life, others couldn’t cause despite being romantically attracted to that person, they weren’t physically attracted to them.
I kind of get that, cause I am physically attracted to both sexes, but I don’t feel a romantic pull towards females, at all. I love them in other ways, but not in a romantic way.
In my past relationships with girls, the physical side of things was fine, but it was hard (no pun intended) to act romantically with them. It was like being romantic with a friend.
Hope that answers your question.” – Mike
“It’s a great question. On one side, no, sex is not every thing. But it does matter. There does need to be SOME level of physical AND emotional connection. I don’t think it’s at all shallow to admit that. Then again, the one thing a relationship requires is compromise on both ends….it is a thinker. For me I suppose it comes down to whether or not you feel like you’re growing because of them, or simply settling just to hold on to them. My short answer to it would have to be “never settle”. So many people do simply because they just can’t be alone. But what they don’t realize is that alone doesn’t have to mean lonely. Is it better to be with some one and feel like something just isn’t quite there?” – Hyper92
“I haven’t ever really dealt with this situation before…
…So, I have to admit that I’m not exactly sure how I would deal with that situation in real life. I’d like to think that I’d be pretty flexible in a lot of ways when it came to keeping my partner happy and satisfied…but it depends how extreme their needs may be.
For one…I’m an affectionate person. I always have been. Friends, family, co-workers…I appreciate physical interaction. Nothing excessive, just an occasional hug, a kiss, a smile, whatever. Now, if I was dating someone that was a little more guarded with their affections, that would be fine. I don’t need fuzzy wuzzy snuggles and kisses every ten minutes or anything to feel good. BUT…if I was dating someone who was like, “Don’t TOUCH me! Get away!” Ummm, yeah…that wouldn’t work for me at all. I would be starved for some form of intimacy. Intimacy is a part of what I fall for in a partner to begin with. We’d have to find some kind of middle ground in order to be happy, you know?
As for sex? I feel the same way. I would definitely want my partner’s world to be rocked! Hehehe! Tell me what you want and let’s so how we can work this out. I like sex! Can’t think of anything that I’d much rather be doing at any point of my day other than having sex! But again…it depends on how extreme the request is. If we’re making sweet love, and then you’re like, “I want you to CHOKE me until I pass out!”…I would have a problem with that. If someone wanted to be hurt or humiliated, I don’t think I could really get into it like they’d want me to.
Now, mind you, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong or strange about the practices themselves. If that’s what you like, then it’s just what you like, and that’s fine. But as far as compatibility goes with me personally…I don’t think either one of us could possibly be getting any real fulfillment out of it. I’m not into rape scenarios, or wearing tight leather…I couldn’t be a furry…it’s just not me. And I’ve always felt like sex was the truest, most honest, expression of yourself. Once you take the ‘truth’ out of it, the excitement and desire goes right out the window with it.
But there’s a chance that any one of us can find someone special who’s into exactly what it is that we’re looking for. So seek them out, and be happy. Just…please don’t pee on me! Hehehe! I’m only gonna be thinking about the mess I’m going to have to clean up later.” – Comicality
“I have a someone like that.
He’s into me in that way, but I’m not into him that way. It’s sad, really. He’s such a nice and good person. He is a compliment to everything I am. Steady, focused, calm, collected. LOL!
But, I just don’t have the ‘hots’ for him. I think he does me for some reason. Maybe not as much as a couple of years ago though. I’ve been having weight issues recently and he’s a health fanatic.” – MrM
If you guys want to add your two cents to any one of the ‘Q & A’ sessions for future issues of Imagine Magazine, we’d LOVE to hear your input and your personal stories on the forum! Feel free to attach your screen name, or do so anonymously! Drop by this forum OR Imagine’s NEW “Inner Visions” forum on the 1st and 15th of every month for a brand new topic of conversation! We look forward to hearing more from you! 🙂