Auburn Ski Camp: Fire and Ice
He tastes like cranberries and raspberries all mixed up with chocolate! I could have hung on to those sumptuous lips forever. I kept cool. Yeah, I kept it cool but it wasn’t easy. First, I was teasing him a bit, flirting of course, then we were in a lip-lock.
I’m such a whore I should be ashamed of myself. Of course, I’m not, but I should be; this especially after the Jimmy thing. But, it seems stupid to be ashamed. Here I have this beautiful guy, and he’s actually so worried about me that he climbed up on a moving slalom machine just to stop me because I was being an asshole again! He could have been badly hurt if I’d managed to push him off.
That would have been bad. I mean like for real! I could have caused any number of head injuries. The litany of them runs through my university training with each one being more horrible than the last. I’m wincing, and not because of what Dr. Malone is doing to my medial collateral and lateral collateral ligaments. I am wincing because of what I could have done to Snowflake! I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had brought him to harm, especially because of something I did.
For his part, the good doctor keeps rotating my knee to find out the strain point. Thankfully, my ACL and PCL seem to be ok. He decided to take a look himself, rather than have one of his minions do it. Lucky me! I feel so blessed. I swear, when I get my MD I’m going to try to see all my patients on each visit. Hopefully, I won’t get picked up by one of the HMOs so I can do that and still make a business for myself. I hate this ‘delegation’ style of doctoring, using nurse practitioners and medics to do my job. Being a specialist might keep my plans from unraveling in this regard. I hope so anyway.
Actually, Dr. Malone seems like a good egg and he and Snowflake look like they are good friends. He also looks like he is a specialist in his own right. I guess he’d have to be a specialist in sports medicine out here.
Speaking of Snowflake, he hasn’t left the examination room since he practically carried me in here. He’s standing there hugging himself with the biggest worried mope on his face. I think I didn’t have him pegged right at our first meeting or at our little discussion at my door earlier this morning. He isn’t a robot. It’s amazing, but I think there’s a man under all that icy detachment! Who would’a thunk it?
‘Course, I’ve known the guy, tops, twelve hours? What the hell is that? Twelve hours and we’ve already kissed once, and now he’s acting, for all the world, like my worried boyfriend hoping I’ll be ok.
Geeze, that’s kind of sweet really.
Jimmy and I just fucked. For me that’s kind of like a handshake and pat on the back. We got to know what we needed to, and got the job done. I like the kid. He’s a sweetheart, but we just needed each other to get the lust out. I hope he didn’t take any more out of it than that.
But it’s different with Snowflake. We barely talked. We barely kissed. Now he’s standing there like he’s known me his whole life and is afraid for me. It lights something warm inside me that has nothing to do with lust. A feeling like a little hearth fire on a cold snowy night kind of feeling.
Maybe it’s just the pain meds working. They tend to make that happy-sleepy feeling. Opioids release endorphins and serotonin to bring on that feeling of relaxed well-being. Good old science, the great killer of romance since Madame Curie cooked herself with some polonium.
“OW! Fuck me! Gawddaym it!” Well, that hurt!
“Ok, yeah. Just what I thought: Medial collateral ligament. You twisted it too much and put too much strain on your knee when you were skiing. It’s common enough. I’m gonna give you a cortisone injection. That should bring the inflammation down and you can go back to skiing in a couple of days. X-Rays don’t show anything broken, and I don’t feel a tear in there,” Dr. Malone says.
He rubs the side of my knee again and I flinch. “Yeah, ok. Hold your horses and I’ll be back in just a few.” He walks out the door. Behind me I hear hands sliding on material.
“You’re awful quiet back there. You need another kiss?” I tease Snowflake.
“No. No more kisses today please. I do not deserve them.” Snowflake says in his monotone. I think he’s joking, but I can’t tell.
“Would you knock it off with the self-flagellation? That shit doesn’t turn me on AT all! It was me being a dickhole. That’s what I keep telling everyone, but no one listens! This is not your fault. It’s mine. I should’a known better.” I feel like I’m yelling down the hall over my shoulder.
“Why should you have known better? I can see where you would have wanted to follow my lead. It is a trainee’s natural response to a trainer’s example.” Snowflake defends his own guilt over his ‘crime’. He’ll never be a good lawyer.
“Well, for one thing, I’m frigging studying to be a doctor and I could feel that I was pushing myself too hard. I could feel the strain on my knees, but I’ve always been stubborn, Snowflake. That’s what you’ll need to know about me. I’m as stubborn and ornery as an old mule! So, I spurred it in the ass and pushed it.” Sometimes my Texasness comes out when I least expect it.
“Do not persist in comparing yourself with farm animals! I will not have it!” His beautiful face suddenly appears next to mine as he squats next to my gurney at eye level. His chin rests on top of his hands as he looks deep into my eyes. I feel the breath catch in my throat and my heart starts beating a little faster.
“Okay, Mr. Chesney. Got your medicine. Try to hold still. You’ll feel a little pinch,” Dr. Malone says as he whisks into the room. He seems not to notice or care about the sudden sexual tension in the air. Snowflake and I look down at my knee and I shut my eyes real tight before feeling the searing pain as the good doc impales me with that fucking long-ass needle!
I feel a cool hand softly tighten around mine and it gives me something to hold on to as I whimper a bit. It helps me to hold still, rather than kick the good doctor in the fucking face! ‘Pinch’, he says!
“Good. Just hold on a second more. Ok. Got it. Good job!” Dr. Malone praises. The needle is withdrawn. Praise be to God!
“Thanks doc. Maybe a bit of lidocaine next time?” I mention pointedly.
“No more next times. Keep it safe and no more needles. Bob will be in to wrap your knee in a few minutes. Try not to move too much.” Dr. Malone winks at me and Snowflake and then leaves.
“I think I’ll kick his ass when I get back into fighting shape.” I grumble at the closed door.
“Why? He fixed your leg?” Snowflake misses the point.
“I don’t take kindly to unnecessarily painful procedures to make a point. It’s just a pet peeve I have with certain therapeutic philosophies. When I establish my practice, no unnecessary pain. Our neurons are subjected to enough bullshit in our lives.” I grouse.
“Yourb . . . practice?” Snowflake looks surprised.
“Well, yeah! I’m not studying neurology because I have a zombie brain fetish, ya know!” I roll my eyes.
“Ooooh. That’s right! You study at UCSF at the medical school! I forgot.” Snowflake hasn’t moved a muscle since squatting next to me. He never loses eye contact with my face or eyes. It’s almost like having an adoring kitty cat sitting right next to your head tracking your every movement.
It should creep me out a little, but instead it makes me feel so good, for some reason. I realize he’s still holding my hand. He hasn’t let go.
He looks down at our hands together and he squeezes it a bit. It’s such a comforting feeling. No one has ever just, like, held my hand before! He has so much strength in him, but he is so gentle.
“Your hand is so warm, Brian. It is amazing! Do you have a fever?” Snowflake remarks with fascination and then apprehension.
“Oh, relax! I just have a twisted knee, for Christ’s sake! I’m always hot like this. You know…’cause I’m, like, hawt!” I give him one of my big toothy smiles and wiggle my eyebrows.
It’s too much for him and I suddenly have a pair of lips on mine again. In contrast to me, Snowflake’s lips are the only thing warm about him. He seems to be perpetually cool. Cold even!
The door opens and Snowflake releases me from his kiss with a smack and tries to compose himself like nothing is happening. I restrain a giggle. He’s getting to me. He is just getting to me. Each time Snowflake does something like that, he endears himself to me even more. I’d never have believed it, but the Iceman is cute. Not just looks-wise, but personality-wise, too.
“Oops. Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Bob says with a chuckle. He’s not fazed at all by two guys kissing. I’m starting to think everyone here is gay! Maybe they need to hold a White Party here at the Boreal Ski Resort for a change of scenery from Palm Springs.
Bob, gently but efficiently, wraps my knee up like a mummy. It’s that self-attaching sports tape stuff. Beats the hell out of the old Ace bandage days with those brass hooks that would always fall off and get lost until you stepped on them later. Good times!
“Good to go, pardner!” Bob drawls out and gives me a hook and horns sign. Another friggin Longhorns fan? Actually, he’s giving me the ‘universal’ sign some Texans like to use so that we can identify one another.
“Put that bullshit away, Gomer!” I give him an A&M gig ’em sign.
For the first time ever I hear this tittering chuckle come from next to me. Snowflake is holding his mouth and snickering like crazy. It’s dumbfounding!
“‘Tis bullshit! That is what that means!” He snorts a bit as he points at Bob. I have no idea what Snowflake is talking about exactly, but from what I gather that the hook ’em horns sign must mean ‘bullshit’ from wherever it is he comes from. Oh wait, that’s real sign language for BS. I never figured that before! I snort too and then crack up along with Snowflake.
“Fuck me! I’m surrounded! It’s like the Alamo in here. Time to high tail it outta here. Watch that leg and keep it isolated, Aggy,” Bob says with a smirk.
“Will do, wHorny!” I jab back. Bob laughs too as he goes out the door.
Between Snowflake and I our mutual snickering settles down and ends with a harmonized sigh. That gets us looking at one another again. Snowflake can’t keep a straight face and we start giggling again. We’re like a couple of school kids.
It’s then I notice something that pauses my laughter. It’s nothing bad. It’s beautiful, really! It’s that arresting feeling you get when you see a rainbow or a waterfall that you weren’t expecting.
It’s Snowflake’s smile as he laughs! It just lights up the room!
Those silver blue eyes reduce to crescents, like icicles that sparkle. His high cheekbones raise under his eyes to make tiny pink globes of his cheeks. His rosy lips stretch over his pearly white teeth in a gorgeously wide upturned arch. I can see his Adam’s apple work as he laughs. It is the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
“My God, you’re beautiful!” I blurt. I want to take it back the second I say it. But, I know it’s too late and I’ve just killed the moment.
Snowflake’s smile collapses into a look of shock. His laughter ceases and he suddenly turns away as if in shame.
“Oops. Sorry Snowflake. Didn’t mean to make this weird,” I say tactlessly, trying to salvage the situation.
“Uh . . . er . . . no need for apologies, Brian. I should say, um . . . kiitos! Oh . . . I mean, mean . . .” Snowflake redirects his eyes back to mine while still trying to look away.
He turns back to me with a full blush in his pale cheeks. Oh it’s so fucking cute! My mouth is agape!
“Thank you!” He says and gives me a rather nervous and vulnerable smile, and then looks down avoiding my eyes. “You are too kind.”
I reach and cup the side of his face with my hand. He instinctively leans into my touch and closes his eyes. It is all that needs to be expressed, and it’s done through touch.
“Warm . . .” Snowflake whispers.
“. . . Cool.” I answer.
Snowflake opens his eyes and looks up to gaze deep into mine. It’s soul searching. It almost makes me afraid to look at him as I have never seen that kind of look before. I want what is in those eyes! I want it so bad it hurts!
“Tuli ja jää. Fire and ice,” Snowflake utters, and then takes my hand and presses his lips into my palm. He then rises and gazes down.
The searching look is gone. The gentle angel’s face is replaced by the icy cold countenance of the Snowflake I met just 12 hours before. It’s like he turned off a switch and I suddenly feel lost. What the hell?
“Ok. We can train now. Let us work upper body strength since you won’t be able to do leg or core work until your knee is all better.” Snowflake’s voice has lowered two octaves. It has the familiar commanding and assertive attitude that I thought made up the entirety of this strange and amazing man.
“Um . . . why? I’m injured. I thought we were done?” I begin to glare at Snowflake as I again feel the irritation from before ignite in my belly.
He gives me a kind of lopsided sarcastic smirk. It’s off-putting, being that I just saw what beauty that face was capable of just a minute ago. Now this?
“How can we be ‘done’ when we have not yet started?” He asks with a tone like he loves his own whimsy. He crosses his arms in front of him. He looks like a genie from a lamp or worse, Mr. Clean.
I sigh and roll my eyes. What the fuck? Might as well. I did come here to sort of be on vacation and stay in shape. A fitness vacation, if you will, to burn some stress. Besides, it gives me more time in Snowflake’s company even if he has just turned back into an asshole.
Yeah, I also came here to learn something about competitive cross-country skiing too, but somehow that doesn’t seem as important as before. Things seem to change in a New York minute when you meet someone special.
“Ok ‘Ice’, but you are gonna have to be my crutch ’cause it looks like Malone and Bob forgot I need crutches to get the fuck out of here,” I growl.
Snowflake reaches behind him and produces two crutches that have been left there. He summons me up with a beckoning hand. I hesitate as I look at him resentfully.
“Come! It will be fun. You will see!” Snowflake flashes a different smile, it’s a giddy and excited smile. It destroys my resistance, though not my attitude. I still don’t know why he’s pushing like this.
“Could we at least get some breakfast first? I’m starved and weak in the knees for reasons that have nothing to do with an MCL strain,” I warn as I lean forward, taking the crutches from Snowflake.
“We should eat fully after our workout as eating too soon before will make us sluggish and the blood won’t run to our arms as well. I have some energy bars and water in the gym. Good ones from home! They taste good and are better than what I can get here in the US,” Snowflake says enthusiastically. I find it interesting that he uses the word ‘we’ here.
He rubs my back and supports me as we begin to move. I shiver inwardly with delight at his touch. I don’t put any weight on my knee and let the crutches and my arms do most of the work.
“Afterwards we can replenish. The smörgåsbord at lunch is really good! They always set up a nice table in the main dining room! I particularly like the prime rib!” I hear Snowflake’s stomach growl at his comment. It’s funny to hear, and it means he’s sharing in my privation. I’m also rather shocked to hear him so readily admit to eating something considered so ‘unhealthy’ as prime rib. I’d love to throw that into the face of so many of the so called ‘health conscious’ half-anorexic vegans that infest Mission and Castro. There’s a reason why men come with canines. They’re not just there to tickle dicks, ya know.
“Prime rib, huh? Ok. I’m sold.” I huff as I get used to the crutches. Thankfully, I injure myself so rarely that I never completely learned how to properly navigate with the damned things.
Brian handles his training with remarkable poise, despite his injury. I had him on a bench for most of it so that he was not be tempted to rest weight and drive weight with his bad leg. It’s a harder temptation than he thought it would be. We forget how much we use our leg muscles to compensate for other areas not as strong, like the arms, lower back, and shoulders. It’s best for a skier to have upper and lower body in balanced strength. That way they synchronize to deliver more of the body’s power while driving forward in the snow.
We spent a good two hours doing weight training with rows, ski rows, curls, lifts, and pulls. He was quite thoroughly worked out and tired by the time we were done. I promised him some fun in amongst the more boring exercises. We played keep away with the medicine ball for a bit. We also did some paddle rows in the pool, which Brian liked a lot. He loves the water and naturally we got into a splash-fight. That got us into a fit of giggles. I felt like a boy at play with his best friend!
Oh, dear! That struck a memory I rather not revisit. . . Tristan.
Alas, I never got to have fun like this when I was really a boy. There was too much work to do and not so many other children to play with way up in the Lapland. Alas, those children that were nearby did not like to play with me because they thought I was a ghost. It was such silly nonsense, but hurtful too
All but one . . . he was a solution to my loneliness just as Brian seems to becoming now! The parallels are . . . uncanny!
In any case, I had to laugh a bit at Brian’s expense. He tried one of my energy bars and said it was ‘fucking disgusting’ I think were his words. He then pounded down half my box! I reprimanded him in jest since those Barebars are not easy to come by. I have to buy them on the Internet and have them shipped here direct from Finland!
I teased that for someone who hates them so much, how could he eat so many?
He said, “Because, I’m fucking starving like I told you! I’d eat moose turds right now and come to think of it . . . I think I just did!” I was close to peeing myself! Brian is hilarious!
I have never had anyone make me laugh as much as he does. Brian is such a . . . joy to me! Where on earth did he come from? How did he find me here? How has it only been sixteen hours since we met for the first time? I believe, more and more, in the Norns and their loom as Brian and I become closer. It is a fated thing if ever there was one! I have never met anyone like him and I likely never will again!
We adjourned to the baths and the sauna. Dr. Malone told me to get him in the hot tubs as much as I could. He recommended that the heated recirculating water would bring blood to the injury and help it to heal faster. It was not a difficult thing to persuade him to do. Brian practically vaulted over to the baths on his crutches! I had to slow him down so he would not fall! We were both already in our swim trunks, as we had changed before engaging in the wet portion of our training session.
Naturally, I slipped out of these. I never bathe with trunks. It is a bizarre feeling for me and I do not see any reason to wear them. I had already settled Brian into the water comfortably and safely.
Brian’s attitude was a bit perplexing in this regard. He watched me strip with his mouth agape! It’s as if he’d never seen another nude man before!
When I slipped into the water opposite him, I bid him remove his as well if he wanted. It feels better unencumbered. He stared at me strange for a minute and then got this wicked little grin on his face. I don’t know what that was for.
He seemed to have trouble getting his trunks off over his bad knee, so I helped. He really does have fine legs and gorgeous feet! I said as much. Brian is so sweet! He blushed!
I remarked that his penis was a very nice size. It was one of the larger ones with a beautifully sculpted head. He was lucky to have been circumcised. I remarked that mine was uncircumcised because I was born in my home like many Finnish children were in the Laplands. I showed it to him which again got him blushing and breathing hard a bit. He looked a bit uncomfortable.
I suppose I can understand. Of course, we were both erect. We were both in water that is warm and bubbly. It is only natural, but I see this tendency toward shame in almost every American I meet about anything that has to do with sex. Even in Brian, who exudes sexual confidence most of the time. It must be a leftover from the English, I think.
The English have always been uptight about sex. I guess that comes from staying on an overcrowded island. In Finland people are few, nights are long, and warmth is treasured. Bodies together make the best heat, and sex is the hottest heat there is!
Not to say that Finland has no hang-ups. The presumption of old was that a man and his wife shared their bed with each other and no one else. It was the good Christian thing to do. Interestingly, Christianity only dug so far into the Finnish soul, and when it hit permafrost it didn’t get much further.
Warmth was salvation more than Bible verses and Lord’s Suppers when winter came. Many bodies together made more shared heat than just two. Sex happens when bodies are together…it’s no big deal. If children come from the unions, then that just means more hands for work and more bodies for warmth and far less loneliness under that phosphorescent sky. Sin confession can happen after the lingonberry and cloudberry flowers have started to bloom at Eastertime, and the days become brighter and warmer.
Being mostly homosexual and a lover of all fleshy things, I’m pretty much out in the cold as far as Christian morality is concerned anyway. I shall let God decide what He decides. I will do what I do here and try to help whom I can help.
At that point in the tub, Brian needed help. He needed to release tension and allow his body to uncoil so that healing could flood into his knee and we could get on to some real training.
He permitted me first to massage his neck and shoulders. Then his back and then his legs and feet and finally his penis and buttocks. He had a grand release and much of his uptight tension just drained away.
Then, he did something rather unexpected. As I was getting ready to leave the bath and get a towel to dry him off, he reaches out and pulls me down, sitting me right in front of him on the edge of the bath tub.
He said: “We ain’t finished yet, gorgeous!”
Oh, I will tell you that this Snowflake melted into a puddle at those words! The way Brian rasped them was unlike any sound I’d ever heard! It was a pure throaty voice that growled with desire!
He gripped my wrists and pulled them to my sides, pinning them there. He then swallowed my sex whole. My following orgasm left me whimpering and unable to walk for a few minutes. All the time Brian was sucking me his ocean blue eyes never left mine. His mouth was fire hot! His eyes smoldered! My ecstasy misted my eyes, so it seemed like smoke rose all around his matchlessly handsome face.
There was also something wildly stimulating about being restrained by my wrists the whole time he was pleasuring me. I was unable to touch him, and my movements were limited. I felt helpless under his power, and I loved it! Something I never thought possible.
I know we stayed together in that tub much longer than we should have as we were both pruned up pretty badly when we finally did decide to leave for the sauna. We kissed and held each other in that bath.
I have a rather new feeling developing in me. I do not know this feeling well. I have never felt it to this degree. A sweet ache in my throat and in my chest. A pain that hurts when I think of leaving Brian’s side. A joy that I don’t have to right away. This feeling is what held me in that bath. I think it’s the same feeling that held Brian in the bath too.
Is this . . . love?
I do not know, but I do know that I will never forget this day. Not for as long as I live!