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I didn’tget much sleep that night. I tossed and turned on my bed for hours. But I just couldn’t get Julian off my mind! I couldn’t close my eyes because I would instantly be greeted with an almost crystal clear mental image of his beautiful features. My brain seemed to have ‘video captured’ specific movements Julian had made throughout the day, and they now replayed in my mindendlessly. At first, early on in the evening, I had assumed that jacking off would help me to sleep. But after the FIFTH time, I realized it wasn’t helping. . . in fact, it was making things worse! Because as I continued playing with myself, my fantasies kept getting hotter and hotter until I just couldn’t take it anymore! God, he was gorgeous!
AND I was going to get to KISS HIM!!! AHH!
I thinkthatsingle thought alone was the main source of my insomnia that night; that my lips would soon be pressed against his own soft lips. . . and from what I read in the script, it was gonna be more than once!
I mean, sure, maybe Ididkinda fantasize once or twice about the kissing scenes that I definitely knew would ensue in the film. But really, I was a professional here! I wanted to act, to make this an art and a career for me. Okay fine. . . . . . so I thought about the kissing ALL the time! So what! What horny 14 year-old teenager in my situation wouldn’t?! Give me a break! I mean, I’m pretty confident thatthatwas the main thing the thousands of other boys trying out for parts in the movie were thinking too! I wont lie, being the lead actor in this movie was what I thought will be the BIGGEST accomplishment in my entire life! The movie ‘Gone From Daylight’ to be exact! And sure, if I was gonna get a few kisses in between from the most GORGEOUS boy on this planet. . . well I considered it a ‘fringe benefit’!
My alarm went off suddenly. But it didn’t startle me one bit. I had been laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling for quite some time now. I could literallyfeelthe red in my eyes from lack of sleep. The sun wasn’t out yet, and it wouldn’t rise for quite some time yet. I vaguely thought about what the ‘Justin’ character must feel like, waking up every night to darkness, and not the bright sunlight I was usually greeted with.
My mom gently knocked on the door a minute later, telling me it was time to get ready and completely distracted me from those morbid thoughts.
“Honey, you need to start getting ready or you’ll be late!”I heard her say through a yawn. I smiled faintly. I was glad to have the mother I did. When I first started my acting career, I didn’t know there was a whole other ‘world’ between parents and their kids. The stuff I saw at casting auditions, it really freaked me out! There were mothersyellingat their FIVE year-old kids because they forgot a line, others telling them that they could have done something or other better during their audition. There were parents that signed up their tired looking kids for ten different auditions during a single week! I saw a lot of kids crying, and others pacing back and forth in the waiting rooms, looking more nervous about their parents reaction rather than the casting agents. It was kind of sickening, in a way. It made me realize how lucky I was to have my mom. She had never once suggested for me to start acting, it had always been my idea. And all she did was support me through it, never telling me what to do or that I was doing stuff wrong. She was just, ‘there’ for me while she let me do my thing. It was comforting.
I took a hot shower hoping it would shake off the tiredness in my eyes. As the hot water cascaded down my smooth body, I had a sudden vision of Julian kneeling there in front of me, and I imagined his silky tongue sliding down my skin as warmly as the water did. I got the urge to take care of business right there and then as my inches began to rise at the mental image, but I knew that I had to finish getting ready as quickly as possible. But ‘Adam Jr.’ was having none of that! All it took was one clear mental image of Julian standing there next to me, soaking wet, with water running down the smooth crack of his butt. . . andonesqueeze to my member and I was instantly coating the shower wall with my juices! I NEVER had an orgasm like that one before! Before that, I didn’t even know I could literally come by just barely touching myself! If I was tired before, I was now completely exhausted! I felt so drained that my legs buckled under my weight!
I quickly got ready, putting on the first clothes I could find. I didn’t bother with my hair either; knowing full well from experience that I would be wearing a different set of clothes and my hair and face would be touched by more hands than I could count in about an hour’s time. My mom made me a quick breakfast and before I knew it we were off to Navy Pier. Mom usually drove me to the sets if they were nearby; and even though Jim had insisted that he would have someone to pick me up, my mom would have none of it. She kept saying that our time together was limited now to chats in the car since I was so busy lately. But I think she also did it to feel like she was ‘doing her part’ in supporting me on my acting. Something I enjoyed doing a lot.
“So hon, I hear that you’ve finally met your ‘co-worker’ yesterday?” She asked as she drove us to Navy Pier. She looked over at me for a second and gave me a knowing smile and a wink.
“Mo-m!”I whined. I felt myself blushing. I was still trying to get used to the fact that my own mother knew about my, er, being ‘gay’. But since I had taken the direct approach and told her straight out about myself about two years ago, I would have to live with the ‘consequences’. I think I preferred to be rid of the ‘burden’ of hiding from everyone. But she wouldn’t believe me at first, but then after about a year of meinsistingabout who and what I was, I think it finally sunk in with her. But she just accepted it, there was really nothing ‘dramatic’ about it. I guess I was expecting the stereotypical parental reaction. But now, anytime she gives me that creepy “I-know-what-you’re-thinking,”motherly grins when she catches me staring at cute guys I just wish I could take it all back simply to save the embarrassment!
“What? Oh, come on Adam. Hehe, you can tell me! We didn’t even get a chance to talk yesterday, you just came home and slumped into bed. You owe me some talk-time! So, is he cute?”she continued. I almost melted from feeling so hot in the face.
“Ugh! Mom. . . this is likesoooembarrassing,”I said.
“Oh, I’m guessing they casted a pretty cute boy then?”she teased, making me laugh from how silly she was being.
“NO! I mean, wait — I just. . . he’s uh, cool,”I stammered. I get the feeling that even if I liked girls I’d still have a lot of trouble talking to my own mother about my attractions. I guess any teen would.
“Sweetie, that’s not even a sentence,”she laughed. We were nearing Navy Pier, and not even the glow of sunlight could be seen across the jet black of the Lake. There weren’t many people out and about this early, but as we reached our destination, I saw what must’ve been an army of people, trailers, and equipment all concentrated at the entrance to the Pier. My mom parked the car and turned it off but didn’t get out. I took her lead and remained seated. She spent a moment, watching the film crew walking by carrying equipment; all of them quite awake and chatting away excitedly. Then she looked over at me and gave me a strange look.
“Adam, I’m really proud of you. You’ve gone this far, and on your own, too,”she reached out and gently swiped away a blond strand of hair from my eye. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but she seemed to waver and say, “I just, I wanted to tell you that I couldn’t be more proud of you,”she paused for a moment, “Just,enjoyyourself out there, for me, okay sweetie?”I looked at her, noticing she was getting a little misty eyed.
“Thanks mom. . . I love you,”I reached out and hugged her.
“Love you too, hon,”Just then, there was a tap on the window. I looked around and saw Dave and Donna standing there, each with a pile of papers in their hands. My mom nodded and smiled warmly at me.
“Hehe, ‘your people’ need you. Go, I’ll see you in a while okay?”she said, not really looking me in the eye anymore. I smiled and kissed her on the cheek and got out. I instantly noticed that Dave and Donna were wearing a sort of ‘uniform’. They had a black t-shirt with a red jacket over it. The shirt had the ‘Gone From Daylight’ logo in red bold color. But under that, they each had a small quote that made me laugh out loud. Dave’s was “Extra: The ability to create kick-ass scripts!”And Donna’s was “Extra: The ability to mind control actors!”They smiled sheepishly at me. These two were so lame!
“Hey Adam! So we made a few more changes to the first three pages of the script. Here are the copies,”said Dave as he handed me a few sheets. “Forget what you read yesterday and memorize this,”he said quickly. I mentally rolled my eyes but smiled anyway. We started walking toward where the main commotion was at the entrance to Navy Pier. There were a lot of bright lights being set up and being cast around the entrance. A camera was already set up and it looked like they were already filming something — from the looks of it, the “Navy Pier Dock Street”arched entrance sign. But my eyes were frantically scanning everywhere for signs of Julian, hoping to see him.
“Adam, you lookreallyterrible, didn’t you get any sleep?”asked Donna.
“No not really, actually,”I replied.
“Perfect! The look suits you for what we need tonight! So let’s not gettoocheery there, okay?”she quickly replied. Donna Pertson was the actor’s main assistant on the film; doing everything from telling us who and what w needed to know, to telling us what they needed from us in front of the camera, to where the lunch tables were. She was a cool person, but being around her meant being dragged around back and forth and meeting so many new faces faster than I could memorize their names! We reached the commotion and I spotted Jim nearby. I quickly noticed that he was also wearing one of those black shirts, only his said “Extra: The ability to yell “ACTION!”and make things happen!”I laughed out loud.
“Hi Jim, nice shirt.”I said cheerily as I gave Donna a jokingly evil smirk. Donna rolled her eyes exaggeratedly but smiled anyway and walked away to talk to some people. Jim turned around and smiled at me.
“Hey, Adam! There you are! Right on time, too. We’re just about done getting a close-up shot of the entrance here. Later on you’re going to do a voice-over for this shot for the opening scene,”said Jim. I nodded, but I had other things on my mind.
“Uh, is um, Julian arou-”
“Adam! We need you at wardrobe in your trailer, A-SAP!”yelled Donna as she waved from between a crowd of crew members. Jim had already busied himself with the setup of another camera so I just sighed and followed Donna to where my trailer was parked. I was slightly dreading being plastered with make up. . . I hate having make up! Not that it was really noticeable, but the moment it’s applied, the WHOLE world starts telling you to not lay a finger on your face! And I always seem to ‘conveniently’ get an itch right about that time, too!
We reached my trailer and I noticed the name “Adam Turner — Justin”engraved on the door. A kind of finality spread through my mind, making me a little nervous for the first time since I was casted for the part, but I couldn’t help but smile at my accomplishment anyway.
The inside of the trailer looked very ‘standard’; most of the trailer being devoted to having room for keeping my wardrobe, a big area to get my hair and face done in front of a mirror with bright lights. But there was also a TV and a small, single person bed at the far end for passing the time when the crew neededhoursto figure out something with the lights. There was already three make up and hair designers in there getting stuff ready for me, and without much introduction I was quickly changed into my ‘costume’ and Donna sat me down and started going through my lines as the stylists worked on my hair and face. I noticed the stylists shirts said “Extra: The ability to make people gorgeous!”I was starting to think I kinda wanted one of those shirts too! But by the time she and they were done, my hair and skin looked immaculate. Although they couldn’t do anything about the ‘tired’ in my eyes. I would never be able to make my hair look as silky and literally ‘glow’ with a golden radiance as these people could make it on my own. I smiled at the mirror, really liking the way I looked, making all that tugging and pulling worthwhile.
Donna walked around me with her hand on her chin as she looked me up and down, examining me like an artist would their clay model.
“Hmmm, I think there’s one littledetailmissing,”said Donna thoughtfully. Before I knew what hit me, she had suddenly reached up and vigorously ruffled my hair with her hands, completely messing up my immaculate hair.
“HEY! What’d you dothatfor?!”I yelled angrily. I quickly tried fixing my hair with my hands, stroking it flat and trying to put it back to normal, but it didn’t look the same anymore.
“Adam.No oneis going to buy a suicidal teen with PERFECT hair. But don’t worry, it still looks great!”she replied just as there was a knock at the door.
“Adam! We need you at the end of the pier in five minutes!”said a guy’s voice loudly.
“Alright Adam, it’s show time!”said Donna.
After the heat of the blow-dryers, the Chicago night felt chillingly cold on my face. I shivered slightly as we walked down the pier, surrounded by film crews running up and down hurriedly. I could see at the end of the pier that they already had the lights and boom poles set. There was even a huge camera crane arm sticking out of the pier!
We reached the end of the pier and that’s when I spotted him, surrounded by people; some of whom were applying powder to his creamy white skin. Even after spending the afternoon with him yesterday, he was somehow more breathtaking than ever. Everything felt like it was moving slower, and Donna’s voice seemed to have moved somewhere in the distant background of my mind as I watched Julian sitting there by the big black Anchor.
As we approached, Julian looked up at us and an amazingly bright smile appeared on his face when his eyes met mine. I couldn’t help but blush furiously and smile back. His smile was like watching a sunrise; only moments before his face looked so calm, so thoughtful, and after seeing me, it blossomed into something so magnificent! He made me feel so incredibleall over!
“Hi, Adam,”he said with that incredible voice of his. It sounded a little raspy, probably from having to get up so early like me, and it was oh so sexy!
“H-hey Julian. . .”I almost sighed out loud again. But before we could say anything else, we were separated by stage hands, surrounding us and telling us where they wanted us to stand for our blocking rehearsal. I was directed to move to the edge of the pier on the other side of the Anchor. The camera crane was sticking out here, right in front of me, hovering above the Lake. The camera assistant, along with Jim were sitting there, adjusting the camera as they told me to grab onto the railing and just look out at the Lake for a test shot. I did as I was told, but my mind quickly wandered back to Julian, and I wondered what they were having him do, so I turned my head to catch a glimpse before Jim quickly caught my attention again.
“Adam! Let’s look outthisway, can we please?”said Jim, forcing me to spin my head back.
“Oh-yeah. Sorry,”I said.
“Alright. Adam, we’re gonna need you to focus your eyes on the water. . . kinda tilt your upper body toward the railing and lean on it. But don’t overdo it!”said Jim. I did as I was told, basically leaning over the railing as casually and naturally as I could, and they re-adjusted the camera. Then I noticed the lights being dimmed considerably. At this point, most of the light now was coming from the Chicago skyline.
“Okay! Perfect guys! That’s good on the lights here!”yelled Jim. I looked around and smiled brightly when I spotted Julian, who was being told to lean on the far end of the Anchor and look toward my direction. He looked at me and smiled shyly. Things were moving pretty fast now, as people ran back and forth with boom poles and light screens as they were being propped up. Another camera was being set up right behind me, to get a shot of me looking out toward the horizon and a full moon. Donna was instructing me more on my blocking while Jim and his assistant worked more on the master shot. I was pretty used to all this. But I couldn’t help and notice how adorable Julian looked as he glanced back and forth, seemingly fascinated by everything that was going on around him. Oh man he was cute! I just wanted to bite my lower lip just from looking at him!
“Adam! . . .ADAM!!!”I heard someone yell. I tore my eyes away from Julian and looked over at Jim and his assistant as they stared at me incredulously.
“Huh-what?”I said. Jim raised his eyebrows as if he was amazed I even said anything.
“. . . Adam, we’re telling you tomovea little to the right! C’mon now, I need your attention withmeAdam, please! We’re loosing time here; the Sun’s gonna come up soon!”said Jim.
“Oh, right!”I was a bit embarrassed at my unprofessional behavior so far. I moved where they needed me and they quickly shifted their crane to adjust to me for another test shot.
For the next half hour, we rehearsed our blocking like this. Jim and the other camera crew carefully setting up how they wanted each shots to be, while telling us to adjust along with them. They had taken most of the lighting away from Julian, making him disappear behind the shadow of the Anchor so I couldn’t really see him all that well anymore. We were about to film the moment Justin and Taryn first speak with each other in the film. The ‘introduction’ to the film would be a voice-over with me narrating up to this point which would be recorded later.
“Okay guys! Camera’s are ready!”said Jim’s assistant. I took a moment to take a deep breath, closed my eyes and just thought about Justin. It was a little hard to concentrate. . . there were people all around me with boom poles and white screens, making it hard to pretend I was alone on the pier, about to end my life.
“Ready Adam?”I nodded, “Okay! Quiet everyone! Start the sound!”the clapper stood right next to me and slammed the clapperboard loudly in front of my face.
I looked out at the waves of the Lake. My heart was actually beating pretty fast. I was getting a little nervous here! I mean this is it! We’re actually filming! Wait! I SHOULDN’T be thinking about THAT! I gotta pretend I’m Justin! Okay. . . okay. . . Justin, you’re Justin. . . youhateyour life, you don’t-
“CUT!”Yelled Jim loudly. For a moment, I had forgotten there were so many people around me! Suddenly people started moving again, back and forth, changing equipment here and there.
“Adam, you looked completely lost there. . .”said Jim. I felt my cheeks turn red.
“Uh, yeah. . . sorry,”
“What are you talking about? That was perfect! Butstayin character! Okay, let’s do a second take on that! Quiet everyone!”said Jim. PHEW! I was relieved that I was doingsomethingright! Okay Adam, stay in character!
I stared out at the Lake again. But now I felt more confident, I kinda felt ‘in tune’ with my acting again. So instead of just looking out blankly, I let my eyes sadly droop down to the water surface right below me, and just. . . I don’t know how to explain it, but I justfeltgenuinely depressed at that moment and deeper in my mind I knew my acting was beginning to surface. But I couldn’t lose concentration now, because if I lost my train of thoughts the acting wouldn’t look ‘real’ anymore.
I nervously rubbed my thumbs on the railing, and out of the corner of my eye in front of me, I saw Jim give a silent thumbs up, approving my added touch.
And suddenly, I remembered how Donna had messed up my hair earlier, and it made me a bit angry. I quickly SEIZED that emotion, knowing in my mind how to toy with the feeling and bring it out to the surface as facial expressions. And I quickly knew I was doing good, because part of Justin’s character was anger. And I thought about all the bullying he had to go through at school, and I could almost feel my face turn red as I thought about the abuse he endured.
“So are you going to do it, or what?”said a soft voice all of a sudden. It was Julian. Yet. . . he somehow sounded different. Almost, confident. But it startled me so much that I felt my skin jump! I was sooo into character, that I COMPLETELY forgot we werefilming!
“Adam! The line’s ‘What did you say?’ andnotincoherent mumblings!”Said Donna from somewhere to my right.
“Oh! Right. . . sorry!”I must’ve been sooo red in the face! I looked over at Julian, who I could just barely see through the shadows, he must be thinking I was extremely stupid or something by now! JESUS!WAYto go, Adam!
I heard Jim and his assistant talking, saying they liked the shots but would have to cut up to where I messed up. I felt even more stupid now, thinking that it must’ve been going perfectly until I ruined it. Donna had someone add white powder to my face quickly, saying that my face was beginning to shine on the lights.
“Okay, from you Adam! Quiet everyone!”They wanted to start from my line then.
I was still a little started from the whole situation, so I hoped that look translated in my face. But I turned my head around a little and ‘looked’ for Julian’s voice.
“What did you say?”as I looked somewhere toward Julian where Iknewhe was standing, but ‘pretending’ I couldn’t see him anyway.
“That was good Adam! I like what you did with your glances, but you were a little too loud delivering your line! You were just about to kill yourself, remember! Try to sound a little softer, quieter! From your line again, Adam!”said Jim. I nodded.
The clapper slammed his clapperboard for the fourth time in front of my face.
“Quiet everyone! And. . . ACTION!”
“What did you say?”I said, almost in a whisper. Before I could consider if I did good or not though, Julian spoke again.
“Are you going to do it, or aren’t you? I figured from the way you were staring at the lake like that, you were either going to jump in, or part it like the Red Sea. Either way, I’d get to see quite a show,”he said. Oh God, he was just. . . amazing! He had such a ‘command’ of his voice — his character! He sounded so genuine, as if hereallyWAS Taryn, talking to Justin on the pier! It was incredible! I had NO IDEA that Julian would be this GOOD at acting! It took me by such surprise!
But I only had like HALF a second to think about all this before I remembered my blocking! I had to step away from the railing a little, and move a step or two toward the Anchor. Julian showed his face a little now, following his own blocking. Even in the shadow, I could clearly see the ‘green’ in his eyes. I was dumbfounded again by his amazing looks. I remembered from the script that they would later CG his eyes to ‘glow’ faintly with a golden aura and I quickly used my startled reaction to seeing his green eyes.
“Did I scare you?”said Julian.
“No, not at all,”I said while actually sounding a little scared. I paused for a moment. I think we were doing good, because Jim hadn’t called ‘cut’. So I ventured forward.
“What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be at home or something?”I asked ‘Taryn’. As I spoke, I squinted my eyes a little, trying not to over-do it. I was vaguely aware that there was a camera right next to Julian, Jim and his assistant had slowly moved the machine crane around and was now floating on top of the pier in front of me as they kept shooting the master shot, while another camera was right next to me on my other side, also moving slowly on a dolly.
“Shouldn’t YOU? I was here first. In fact, I’ve been coming here for a very long time. I’ve been watching you take the long walk up and down this dock for months now. But it looked like you were really going to jump this time. I wanted front row seats,”said ‘Taryn’. He no longer sounded like the Julian I knew. I mean, he did, but at the same time, it was like he was being possessed by some other ‘entity’ now. I was beginning to feel. . . intimidated by his acting, and even a little jealous. But his beauty, God. . . how can something be so perfect?! I was beginning to feel that hurt feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think I got a littletoolost in my thoughts, because I think Julian improvised for me and skipped over my line.
“Wondering if you should kick my ass first, huh?”
But I didn’t realize that THATwashis next line, and he was going along with the script just fine.
“Might not be such a goo-“he barely started to say before I stumbled and cut him off.
“If you’ve been watching me all this time. . . then why didn’t you say something before?”I said, a little angrily at myself.
I looked around, startled. Donna came up to me with the script and showed it to me.
“Adam! It was still Julian’s line! Your cue to speak is when he comes completely out of the shadows Adam!”said Donna.
“Oh God! I’m so sorry!”I said, closing my eyes shut in embarrassment.
“Julian! That was FANTASTIC so far!”said Jim suddenly. “I absolutelylovewhat you’re doing with your character, I love it!”he continued. I cringed a bit, hoping he wouldn’t turn to me and say I was going to ruin the entire film.
“Adam! You sure know how to make the viewer think whatyou’rethinking through your facial expressions! I don’t know how you’re doing it, but keep it up! That’s an amazing technique you’re using there!”he said. I was a bit speechless! I was doing good?! Oh man!
“We’re going to do some re-adjustment of the lights guys, so go ahead and take a little break! But we only have about an hour ’till sunrise so don’t go far!”said Jim.
Julian actuallyjoggedforward to meet me. He had a huge smile on his face that took my breath way!
“Hi, again. Hehehe!”I replied. We looked at each other for a second, still grinning at each other sheepishly. I decided to take a chance and compliment him.
“You, you’re amazing you know. . . with-with youracting, I mean,”I ventured. His eyes looked into mine and I was paralyzed. Oh God I hope I didn’t sound too ‘obvious’!
“R-really? I mean, I didn’t think I was doing that good. But then Jim said I was just now. And now. . . you,”he said so softly, and ever so shyly. He couldn’t hold his eyes with mine, and looked down at my feet.
“What? No, Julian. Really, you’re amazing. You really have a talent. Like seriously, I’m a little jealous!”I said, giving him a grin at the end and playfully bumping shoulders together. He giggled beautifully.
“Actually. . . I thought that you did an incredible job yourself. Heh, you’re gonna have to teach me how you make some of those fancy ‘expressions’!”he said blushing. I grinned even wider. I just couldn’t believe how much I was liking Julian! How could he be socommandingwhile in front of the camera, and yet so shy and cute away from it?
“Well maybe — maybe we could like ‘hang out’ some time. . . I could teach you some stuff. I-if you want, that is,”I stuttered. Julian’s smile faded a little and it made me think I ruined everything! But he responded before I could even take it back.
“Um, I’d like that. . . actually,”he said quietly. I started thinking that maybe I was ‘pushing’ him or something!
“You don’t have to. If you, don’t want to,”I said quickly.
“No! I mean, it’d be cool. . . to hang out again. I mean, yesterday was cool. . . hanging out with you, so. . .”he trailed off. It seemed that the conversation had steered away from using acting as an excuse to just spending time together! Maybe he really DID want to spend time with me again! I mean, otherwise he would’ve said NO, right? I couldn’t stop smiling, and it only made him blush even more! I kinda reached out and ‘patted’ his arm in a ‘cool’ way, trying not to make it look like I was just trying to touch him. But he only smiled brighter and giggled at me.
“Alright guys, let’s get back in places!”said a crew member as he jogged up to us. But I turned to Julian again.
“So, we’ll talk later then, okay?”I said.
“Yeah. . . hehehe, cool,”he giggled shyly. He gave me another sweet smile before we went back to the ‘set’.
One thing was for sure now. . . I was falling fast in love with Julian. And that meantmoresleepless nights ahead.