San Francisco: My Beautiful Friend



“AAAANNNG! UUUNnngh! Unngh. Uuh*” I collapse on his narrow back with my nose and face buried in his pretty blue hair. OH MY GAWD!

We are both panting like dogs and he’s still wigglin’ trying to milk me for more. I’m going to have to pull out from his gripping hole ’cause if I don’t I might just have a heart attack, only he won’t quite let me yet! I haven’t blown like that since my night with Brian! Maybe, not even that could match this! I have NEVER orgasmed like that in all my whole live long life!

His squeaking whimpers become shallow breaths and he finally relaxes enough for me to pull out. He stands up bracing himself on the bathroom wall and I come up with him huggin’ his tight little middle. His body is amazingly developed for someone that looks so thin. I don’t feel bones on him at all . . . except for the nice one still in my quivering hand.

He turns that beautiful face toward me and my lips meet the side of his lips and then I nuzzle his cheek. He then turns the rest of himself in my arms and our kiss becomes a passionate tongue wrestlin’ match!

He releases our kiss with a smack and I feel myself pulled into those hypnotic baby blue eyes again. They are so clear and fresh and open! I could stare into them forever. My heart should be slowing down, but on seeing those eyes, it seems to beat faster! We are pressed up against each other’s naked fronts and I can feel the moistness from our love mixing together as we squeeze closer. I gently push him up against the wall and hungrily kiss him again and he kisses me back with the same hunger!

I, honest to God, think I’ve just fallen completely in love here! This feeling goes so far beyond even what I felt with Brian back at Auburn.

Mattie! Mattie! Mattie! I could whisper his name forever and never get tired of it! How is it we only met like a minute shy of a half-hour ago?

“Oh my god, Jimmy! What just happened? I’ve never popped loose like that before! What did you do? I swear to Versace that my legs are still weak from that!” Mattie is gobsmacked and I can tell it is for real ’cause the blush rises to those lovely pale cheeks real bright! Hehehehe!

“I don’t rightly know, Mattie! This is like my second time toppin’ at all! I usually bottom.” I confess. His beautiful blue eyes just widen in surprise.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me, right?” Mattie gasps.

“No! Its true! This is just my second time doing it like this. I guess I’m, like, versatile now or somethin’.” I don’t know what more to say on it. Its the truth!

Mattie gives me this super sexy sly smile and looks at me kind of askance-like. Maybe he doesn’t believe me. Well, I don’t know how to convince him otherwise. Its just the truth is all. Brian can attest to that but, . . . I rather it did not come to that right now, though.

Mattie turns his face all the way back to me and gets this meltingly sensual look. “Well, Jim Gem, if you really ARE a Verse then I may just have to give you a lap ride later. Coz, Babycakes . . . I AM a total Verse.” I feel myself go weak in the knees at that burning look in his eyes and at that hot comment. Holy fuckinshit!

Mattie could be the best of both worlds sexually! Brian didn’t even do me like that and Vic and I haven’t gotten that far yet. He’s really . . . shy. It’s weird!

Mattie feels me sag at the knees and with amazing strength he helps support me with a hug around my shoulders. He smiles and then starts to giggle that bubbly giggle that makes me feel like I’m going to get hard again.

“Who are you stayin’ with?” Mattie asks out of the blue.

“I was going to stay the night again on my friend Vic’s guest futon, but, to be honest, it hurts my back a little,” I answer. Its true, futons look a lot more comfortable than they really are.

Oh . . . ” Mattie looks confused and so I try to un-confuse things.

“His place is real nice and all, but he just has, like, one bed and he sleeps alone, soooo . . .” Am I babbling?

No, I just thought you two were like . . . together,” Mattie says.

OH? Oh, no. I don’t think so. We’ve not been intimate or anything. He’s like shy, I guess. Ya know?” I shrug.

Mattie starts to giggle that bubbly giggle again and covers his mouth. I don’t know what’s so funny but I find I start to giggle too. I guess he could see the touch of disappointment in my face that I hadn’t gotten banged by a hottie like Vic. Mattie seems to be able to read my mind!

“Awwww! You wanted that ass, didn’t you? You fucking Sex Pig you! Hehehehehe!” I don’t really know what Mattie means and it kind of hurts my feelings a bit.

“You think I’m a pig?” I’m not giggling anymore.

Awwww, you Sweetheart! No! You got that ALL wrong!” Mattie’s laughter dies off immediately and he looks sad that he hurt my feelings. He hugs me and I loosen up from the painful shock of his comment.

See, a Sex Pig is a guy that is like a real Horn Dog! Ya know? He can get a piece any ol’ time he wants!” Mattie smiles that infectious smile of his again and I can’t help but smile back. He is so adorable! But . . .

“So, uh, kind of a whore like?” I still don’t like what he’s getting at.

“Come on, Babe! No! Gay guys LOVE sex, right? The Sex Pig is the STUDLIEST of us all! At least around here.” Mattie tells me seriously.

So, its like a compliment then?” I am starting to figure out I really AM a rube down here in the city!

“Hehehehe! You really HAVE been up in those mountains too long, Jim Gem.” Mattie chuckles in a way that isn’t a put-down.

“Come on! Lets get drunk and dance. You are of age, right?” Mattie asks.

“Yeah. I’m 23. Got my ID too . . . and a ride.” I let Mattie know.

“You won’t need a ride, Sugarpants. I’m the only ride you’ll be getting tonight!” Mattie suddenly pulls me in so that he can mash a kiss into my lips hard. His tongue literally dances in my mouth! Its such a manly kiss! Mattie may be many things and he certainly looks the part, but he ain’t no ‘twink’ and that’s for DAMNED sure, Sugar! I’m weak in the knees all over again!

Its then that the door to the bathroom opens and we hear scrabbling feet and giggling. Looks like our time in the stall is over for now. I’m sad about that. I’ve never enjoyed going to the bathroom so much in my little ol’ life, I do declare!

We come out together to be faced with two other guys about our age who look at us all conspiratorially like and then we all start giggling like kindergarteners. They squirrel themselves away in the stall we just left. I hope they don’t slip on what Mattie did in there! Oh my LORD does he pack a load and a half!

Mattie has my arm tucked in his and he guides me gently back out to the dance floor. We’re about to get down when I freeze in place seeing something that is almost too much to look at and not go blind!

Across the floor and over at the bar, I see Snowflake and some REAL looker of a dude talking to him. The dude is not Brian. Brian is the handsomest devil there is, but this guy is just beautiful like an un-fallen angel if you catch my drift! That babe just needs wings on his shoulders! Holy Ozark Puddin’, Sugar!

Mattie catches my gaze and my shock and he smiles rather slyly as he pulls my eyes away from the two of them by turning my face toward him.

A-ha! I see now! You did me and now you want to go for the main event!” Mattie says in mock jealousy.

“I uh . . . I – No! NO! Its just that . . . Oh my gawd, Mattie who IS that guy?” My eyes go right back to fixing on the big blonde hunk with the long hair and the body of a greek god dressed in a tight shirt and jeans with a tight blazer.

“Oh yeah! Who IS that guy, indeed! Everyone always asks when they see him. I can’t really blame anyone . . . even you!” Mattie covers his mouth and snickers at me.

“Well, kay, but . . . who is he then?” I’m actually more curious now than turned on because I’m startin’ to read between the lines here a mite bit. It looks like Goldilocks is swoopin’ in on Snowflake pretty hard! Snowflake even looks stunned at what he’s seein!

Welll, thats, like, Kris. Kris Soerr-en-sen . . . I think I said it right. He’s from Norway and some kind of athlete over there. I don’t follow Winter Olympics so I have no idea really.” Mattie informs me into my ear, makings sure he brushes his lips against it really lightly so as to drive me fucking crazy!

After I’ve had my shiver-fit that makes Mattie giggle like a kid, I get back to the problem at hand. My eyes scan the bar for Brian. I finally see him WAY back at the other end of the bar with that Jason freak and Marvyn Gay, probably catching up. So, basically, Brian is oblivious to this issue developing here. Snowflake looks mesmerized!

Mattie sniffs the air for effect: “I smell nerves cooking. What’s up with you Jim Gem? What’s the matter?” Mattie wants to know.

“I don’t like how that Kris fella is gettin’ all cozy with Snowflake over there. Brian’s way over there and that Norway guy is working my Snowmuffin pretty hard!” I tell Mattie with real concern.

“YOUR snowmuffin? I thought he was Brian’s snowmuffin?” Mattie taps his blue Jack Pumpkin Head sneakers while crossing his arms.

“That’s the point, kind of. Kris, there’s liable to make a mess of a very beautiful relationship if he isn’t careful. Snowflake and Brian are really in LOVE! I mean practically go to the weddin’ kind!” I said squinting my eyes to see if I can make out what they are saying to each other.

“Snowflake and I have been friends, and only friends mind you, for a long time now and this is really the first time I’ve seen him so happy. I don’t want this new guy to mess that up, Mattie. I don’t think I could take Snowflake getting hurt like that!” I feel a strain in my throat suppressing an urge to cry all of a sudden. Snowflake told me his story once and Id hate for him to hurt like that again. He may have been young, but its when you are really young that the hurts hurt the worst! Lord have mercy, how I know how that is!

“If their love is as strong as you say it is then nothing’s going to get in the way of that. Even Kris can’t, but then if Snowflake’s eyes are already wandering . . . Id probably feel that Brian is being saved from a bad romance if Snowflake cheats on him like this.” Mattie is incredibly wise for a boy his age. But, I do look at him with an ‘o’ in my mouth! What an awful thing to say about Snowflake!

Mattie picks up on that and pulls me into a hug: “Let’s just see what plays out, Jim Gem. K? They are full-grown men. They can take care of themselves.”

But, I have an idea that might just snap things into some kind of order. I somehow get the feeling that Mattie is a regular here with the way everyone greets him fondly. He even got a wink from one of the DJs and THAT’s the angle I need Mattie to help me with.

“Mattie? You know that DJ up there?” I ask.

“Oh, of course! He loves pineapple juice. Hehehehe! His name is Joe ‘Discdroid’ Tanner. He was just hired on a little while ago. Young guy! Why?” Mattie asks.

“I need to make a reeeeally important special request, Mattie. It might be a little weird for the young’uns out there, but I think it will have the desired effect on somebody.” I tell Mattie.

“What’s the request? I’ll go tell him!” Mattie is so eager to help. He’s soooo cute too!

“Could he play a club mix of ‘Love Comes Quickly’ by that old ’80s band Pet Shop Boys?” Mattie brightens, oddly enough. He seems to like the suggestion.

“Oh, that will be EASY. They always play Pet Shop Boy mash-ups in here. Pet Shop-Beyonce is my favorite! What’s with that particular song though?” Mattie looks at me cunningly. Hehehehe! His eyes are all squinty and suspicious-like! Too funny!

“Just never you mind! I’ll show you if you get your sweet ass back here when the music starts. I like to dance to that song anyways.” I shoo Mattie toward Mr. ‘Discdroid’ up there.

“You think my ass is sweet?” He pops his butt out to bubble it up through those almost-there latex pants of his. If he hadn’t have milked me so good in the bathroom I’d probably be on him again STAT.

Ohhh . . . put that thing away before you get us all killed!” I quote a line from Star Wars as a joke and he gets it and giggles. He then proceeds on his mission. What a boy!

What a boy indeed, Sugar! Cat’s meow and purr all in one tight little package. Umph!

I turn to keep a gander on Snowflake and Mr. Beautiful over by the bar. Snowflake is using his typical ice-cold milky charmlessness to discourage the hunk. But, the hunk sees right through that and keeps on with a style of wit and charm that would have me naked in a strobe flash!

I could see that it was starting to wear Snowflake’s defenses down. Where’s that fucking music, Mattie?

Then the cowbells start, the 40-somethings come out of the woodwork and I swear Snowflake looks up and around like a flea-bit dog! Oh my God, what a funny look! Hehehe Hahaha!

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen it (evil laugh). Snowflake’s head snaps around looking for Brian and he spots him. Kris Hunkolicious or whatever tries to get Snowflake’s attention back, but Im too good at what I do! Ha!

Snowflake, ever polite, excuses himself nicely and nearly runs to Brian! Kris Immafuckyou stands there with his mouth totally agape! I start wheezing I’m laughing so hard! The dude must NEVER get left in the dust like that! My faith in Snowflake restored I turn to see too sky blue eyes staring at me eye to eye.

“You come off as a sweet little country bumpkin, Jim Gem, but you are a devious little witch, ain’tcha?” His sexy half-smirk undoes me and I feel myself drawn in. I take hold of Mattie in a hug and kiss him right there in front of everybody. A big long french kiss too!

“I look out for my own, Mattiecakes. Always have. Always will!” He gets this real wide-eyed look and then they look like they mist over a bit.

Um, .~swallow~ lets, like, go dancing, K?” Mattie says with a quiver in his voice and looking away from me shyly. Before I can ask what’s wrong, he’s tugging me out there and I join the mob dancinto this, one of my favorite songs!

The words beat on me as I move there toe to toe and breast to breast with Mattie. “Love comes quickly, whatever you do . . . you can’t stop falling.” I think its mulberry pickin’ time again, Jimmy boy!

I’m gently pushed back away from the center of the dance floor by the parting crowd. They part for two tall figures that grind and twirl in the way only two athletic gods can.

“Wow!” Mattie says turning to look at them. They move like liquid silver and gold together.

Snowflake and Brian . . . have taken over the dance floor and I have NEVER seen them more in love.




Ah, Hell. There goes another one!

Looks like my friend Jimmy has found a new friend of his own. Figures it would be Mattie! That boy is always on the hunt for something fresh’!

I knew I should have let Jimmy sleep with me. He sure can get me going. He’s so sweet, tender, and soft that I would have felt safe with him, you know, giving me my first time. My first time by choice anyway.

But, damn it all, the minute he gets in my condo with me it happens just like it always does. I get stupid and scared! I start to sweat and get all self-conscious. I can’t do anything when I get like that! Nothing works. So, I set him up on my futon and went to bed . . . alone again.

I haven’t slept in days! The knowledge that Jimmy is there – just there – on the futon just a few paces away from my bed just kept me tossing and turning . . . and wanting. I knew he must have been uncomfortable. I should have . . . Well, It would have been decent of me to let him sleep in my bed at least! But I knew! I knew as sure as I am standing here that he would have wanted that closeness and then that intimacy. He LIKES me! He really does . . .

. . . or did.

Mattie Hunter. Figures HE’d be the guy that would snag Jimmy. He’s the strutting prince of the Twinkie set here at The Café. He has had everyone that would let him. Everyone! Everyone except me, of course. He’s tried though. Despite the ‘rumors’ he has definitely tried to bed me. I’ve refused him more times than I can count. I don’t want a whore like that in my bed. God knows what kind of shit he’d give me. I’ve seen AIDS in action! Fuck knows I don’t want HIV or Hep C off of his pretty little ass!

By all rights, I should go right over there and tell Jimmy what he’s messing with, but it looks like I’m too late. Mattie has him bagged and tagged, Man! It only took less than half an hour too. Maybe I have Jimmy all wrong. He seems awfully easy going with his choice in lovers.

Yeah, that must be the only reason he wanted to be with me. I was another notch on his bedpost. Maybe Jimmy and Mattie are made for each other. Two whores clicking together just like out on the Sunset Strip down in WeHo. I’m just another . . . conquest. Awww . . . no wonder no one likes me. I must exude negative energy all the time.

People don’t like me here. They don’t talk to me and they get out of my way. Despite what I think I know, I don’t really know why. Not at all! I wish I did. I’d at least like to talk to a person or two. They all avoid me like I’ve got leprosy. I always try to smile if someone smiles at me, but they rarely do.

Ah well . . .

I need another drink, that’s what I need.

That’s a weird change in music. Pet Shop Boys. I haven’t heard this one since my big brother Bernardo used to play it in his room. He was big into all that ’80s New Wave and Post-Punk stuff. I kind of liked Pet Shop Boys. I liked them better when the lead singer came out. I wasn’t out at the time and neither was Bernie. Neither one of us would have lived through an outing. Mom and Dad would have whacked us themselves, I think. Our good Italian Catholic family name marred with the dishonor of having two fags for sons? Yeah, whatever.

Well, God has them now and Uncle Mo doesn’t care if I like guys or not. He likes that I’m successful here in San Francisco and doesn’t ask questions. As long as I keep fitting him and his goombahs with nice suits, he’s more than happy with me.

I think he actually knows about his own son, Richie, my little Cuz. How could he not? Richie wears his ‘Gayness’ like a rainbow tiara! That little faggot has no shame and I think he LOVES causing trouble at family get-togethers. He’s his father’s son because Mo is something of a hellraiser himself. I think he takes a kind of perverse pride in Richie’s ‘Black Sheepness’. Richie never wants for money or support that’s for sure.

I just can’t get over what I am, I guess. When Father Murrow did me when I was 15 and then threatened me with hell and expulsion from catholic school if I said anything, I guess that’s when the shame set in. I know now that it wasn’t my fault what happened, but, for some reason knowing in the head and knowing in the heart are two different things.

I just can’t bring myself to have sex with other guys and that’s the only people I want to be intimate with. Women just don’t get my engine running. Never have.

So, I guess that’s why I’ve remained a ‘virgin’ since those days with Father Murrow. I’m not a virgin, but I might as well be. I’ve never had a sexual experience with anyone who I could love. Sex still seems wrong to me. A sin I no longer believe is a sin but can’t get over that it isn’t a sin. What a horrible mess!

I’m 32 now. I don’t guess I’ll ever have that kind of intimacy with anyone. I don’t give off the right vibes, I guess. So, I’m ignored here and other gay places. I came here tonight because Brian wanted to come and bring his new beautiful friend, Snowflake.

I’m watching them now. It hurts to watch them, to tell you the truth. I am happy that those two found each other, but I’m jealous too. Not so much that the one found the other, or whatever. Just that they both are so free and comfortable with themselves that they can let themselves fall in love and do it without any shame at all. It’s so beautiful.

It is so beautifully foreign to me.

I wonder what Jimmy and Mattie are laughing about as they watch the beautiful couple dance their lover’s dance? What nastiness is Mattie planting in Jimmy’s skull? Jimmy will lose his sweet disposition if he hangs out with that blue-haired freak anymore! I really ought to warn Jimmy! I do! But, look at them . . .

In all honesty, I’ve never seen Mattie look so vulnerable before with someone and Jimmy is just glowing. Those beautiful green eyes of his just sparkle like emeralds in this Sodom’s Den. How can Mattie resist and, of course, why should he?

He isn’t a raped mess like me. He knows who he is and is proud of it. Just like Richie, Joey, Marv, Brian . . . everyone except me.

“Hey, Handsome! Here’s a drink. You’re lucky I’m the best fucking Bartender in the universe! Not too many can make a Negroni as fine as mine!” I turn to see Sean placing the sparkling sunset-colored drink in front of me. Actually, I hate Negronis, but its a nice gesture anyway and it’s obviously meant to lighten the mood around me.

Um . . . thanks, Sean. I appreciate it. What’s the damage?” I start going for my Dolce-Gabbana wallet in my custom-fitted breast pocket but Sean waves me off.

“Nope. You’re good. This was bought for you special!” Sean winks at me and gives me a knowing smile. It makes me swallow hard because Sean is a tan blond who is wearing naught but little bikini cut shorts that I think are made by Under Armour or Speedo. They leave nothing to the imagination. Nothing!

I sit on the stool and begin scanning the patrons to see who got this Negroni for me. I take a sip and am pleasantly surprised! Its actually good! Not at all like cough syrup!

I turn to Sean and give him a thumbs up which he returns and cocks his hip at me just to remind me that his ass is practically hanging out for all to see. Yeah, I see it, Babe.

“Do you like your drink, Mr. Brioni? * ” I hear a deep hazy voice behind me and turn around being careful to put my drink down before it spills.

Thats . . .uh -“ WOW! HE bought me this drink?

“Thanks! Its really good.” I feel dumb in front of Kris. I feel numb too! I now know what it feels like to be a teenaged girl meeting Justin Bieber for the first time. I even miss the ‘Brioni’ joke at first.

Kris chuckles and the sound of his deep buzzing rattle and the look of the sweet parting of his perfect bow lips over whiter than snow teeth sends shivers through me!

“I am glad it is good! I had to ask Sean what it is you may like. He said Negro-something and I felt the need to become offended’!” Kris’s chuckle spills sexily into his words.

“Oh, uh, Negroni . . . yeah. I think it comes from the same source, actually. Black or dark or whatever . . .” I sound like an idiot! Why can’t I keep cool like usual?

Ah, yes! A Negroni! That is what Sean had called it. It is hard to pay much attention to what he says, though. My eyes keep looking down at that fine cock of his when he’s talking. All I end up hearing is nlbah-nlbah-nlbah . . .It must be a nice sized weapon, however!” Kris looks over at Sean in a really predatory way. Hey! I’m over here, Blondie!! Un-mind-fuck Sean and go back to mind-fucking me! Please!

Yeah . . . ~giggle~” I find a bubbly giggle come up out of me that is giddy as all fuck. Where the HELL did that come from?

This causes Kris to look back over at me and skewer me with those same bright blue predatory eyes. Its like being looked over by a white wolf! Its scary but absolutely mesmerizing! I just can’t look away!

Kris looks away only long enough to pick up his glass of vodka which he takes and sips daintily as he continues to drill me through with those eyes of his.

“Your name is Vic, as I recall. Ja?” Kris asks, probably already knowing the answer.

“Yeah. That would be me. You’re Kris, of course.” I answer . . . trying to sound smart somehow.

“Why ‘of course’?” Kris looks at me with what looks like concern. I freeze immediately thinking I’ve just messed this up – -per usual.

Well, uh . . .cause . . . like -“ Oh my fucking gawd!

Kris giggles that deep hazy chortle again but with a bit more laugh to it. His eyes slant up a bit when he laughs almost like a blue-eyed Chinese persons. Its kind of wildly fucking hot is what it is! How can this guy get any higher on the sexual tectonic scale?

“You are cute, Vic! I like you very much!” Kris reaches out and massages my shoulder in a ‘friendly’ gesture that is about to make me melt.

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve been called ‘cute’ since I was about eight years old and my Nonna was pinching my cheeks too much! But of course, Nonna never made me rock hard at her touch either.

“You’re not in the habit of being called ‘cute’ I see.” Kris continues to peel me like an onion. I have been told that my face can never lie. My Dad even said that I shouldn’t even try because I could never pull it off. This was after he caught me in a couple of fibs once or twice. I really didn’t bother with that habit anymore after that. It was better just to clam up.

So, clamming up I merely shrug. Apparently, this too is ‘cute’ because it just causes Kris to sit on the stool next to me. His knee touches mine ever so lightly. I nearly popped my cork right there! Kris . . . hes going to do me tonight! There’s no escaping it! Not that I’d ever want to.

Unfortunately, that hook-up won’t be love-based. I’m not totally stupid, you know. I know he’s basically just fixing his next meal and I’m to be the main course for the evening. I’m just the flavor of the night and tomorrow he’ll be after someone else. He is a total dog as far as sex partners go. I’ve seen it enough times. There will be no future in this.

But, in all truth, I don’t really care. One night with Kris would be enough for a while. He’d maybe untie the knots in my stomach so that I could be sexy more often.

So, I feel a rush of anxiety and adrenalin and I press my knee back into Kris’s knee. It’s a risky gesture, but it’s the signal he needs to take my hand and bring it to those sumptuous pink lips.

With the touch of those lips to the back of my hand, I am completely undone! He looks into my eyes and he sees the longing desire there and the sudden flush in my cheeks.

“It has been a while, hasn’t it, Mr. Brioni?” Kris’s hypnotic eyes seem to be what is speaking to me rather than his delicious mouth.

“ . . . Camarada.” I whisper and moan to him. He probably thinks I’m a totally humorless twat. But, I am beyond humor at this point. This is serious business here.

Kris’s brow wrinkles a bit at my missing the joke, seemingly. But he goes back to smiling at me and leans in a bit. I find myself doing the same.

Komrad . . .” Kris whispers with that smile still on his face. He moves closer with his hand holding mine gently. I find myself drawing to him rather than pulling away. His breath is sweet with vodka. I – want to drink it from his mouth.

Wow! That’s hawt, Coz!” a nasal voice cuts through the moment like a stiletto! I find myself jerking back away from Kris’s powerful pull to glare at Richie who, I swear to Christ, is standing there munching on popcorn while watching us!

I roll my eyes at him: “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m watching the beginnings of a lot of porn stories I read.” He says sarcastically grinning through a mouthful of popcorn.

“You could join us, Little Richie. You can be the meat in our sandwich. How is that for porn, hmm?” Kris freezes Richie in his tracks with his ice-blue stare. With this comment, I am reminded of Shere Khan the Tiger for some reason.

How Richie manages to swallow his popcorn wad without choking to death will probably be a mystery to me for the rest of my life! Maybe, its because some of the wad falls out of his gaping mouth as he just stands there staring at Kris in complete shock!

“I am not too sure he is keen on the idea, Komrad. He cannot seem to hold anything in his mouth for very long. That will NEVER work!” Kris teases Richie like a cat playing with a mouse. I’m not sure I like the tone. I’ve always been rather protective of Richie. He is like the little brother I never had growing up. I was always the baby. I also don’t like the perverted idea of my cousin being my ‘first’. It sounds like a lot of teen birthday parties I never went to.

Uhh, what?” Richie seems to snap out of it as he feels his mouth skills called into question.

“Krissy! I SWEAR to almighty fucking Christ I suck cock WAY better than your pretty boy ass any day of the week! I promise you after comments like that you’ll NEVER find out neither!” Oh boy. There goes that Italian temper! His mom, Sandra, that’s who I see suddenly. My Aunt would fuck you up if you crossed her. She may have only been 5′ flat and 100 pounds but every part of that would be in her wallop!

Kris seems to be cool as a snowy night in Oslo. He merely chuckles at Richie and crosses his arms. He looks down on my cousin like he’s a bug. That pretty much kills my crush on Mr. Handsome for the night.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT? FUCK YOU!” Richie starts to charge and I catch him. Kris backs off in complete surprise. I think Richie has had one too many this evening already.

“Coz! COZ! Knock it off! He’s not worth it! Trust me!” I’m glad I’m bigger and stronger than my little twinky cousin because he’s liable to get an assault charge with the way he’s acting tonight and probably worse from Kris’s fist. Even still, it takes just about all my strength to keep Richie collared. I swear its like trying to keep a Chihuahua from tearing into a Great Dane!

“What in the Nine Hells is going on here?” Marv appears. Vinny is right next to him . . . all 300 pounds of him! That is one Bear no one in the bar messes with!

I turn to Marv, still struggling with my ‘Chihuahua’ and try to smile and look like I have things under control, but that’s delusional at this point. I shake Richie hard and turn him to look at the Bear that is staring back at him like my little cousin is lunch.

I whisper in his ear: “Calm the FUCK down, Coz. Marv’s about to sic The Bear on you!” Richie manages to get the red out of his eyes long enough to see two red-brown eyes staring back at him out of bushy eyebrows and a huge beard.

“Please. Be calm all. Richie, I apologize if I hurt your feelings. I meant no disrespect. I was only joking. Can I get you something?” Kris’s deep and penetratingly calm voice is almost magical in how it can decelerate a situation. I’m back to being impressed again.

Richie snorts, I swear, just like a dog shaking off a barking fit. I nudge him toward Vinny who hasn’t moved a muscle and now has his two hairy leg-sized arms crossed like an angry mom. Richie tenses and looks at me and then at Kris and then back at Vinny and wakes up to his predicament finally.

“Yeah. K. pology accepted and I’ll take a . . .“ Richie drones to Kris a possible order for more liquid stupidity and I cut him off.

“He’ll take a Coke with ice,” Richie grumbles something obscene at me but I just ignore it and relax my grip on him. I gently guide him back to the bar where Kris is already placing the order with Sean.

“Its ok, Vinny. Things have settled down just like I thought they would. Richey Bitchy can be a spitfire, but he’s a good sort anyway. Good work corralling him, Vic.” Marv says and squeezes my shoulder gently. The pressure of it and a sudden tiredness causes me to sink into the empty booth right next to my butt.

“I swear to sweet Mary, Mother of God, I’ve got the screwiest family this side of Sicily, Marv.” I sigh and begin rubbing my eyes with my thumb and index finger. I feel a headache coming on.

“Make that the second screwiest. You’ve never been with my family back in Texas. They’re just as screwy . . . just with guns and religion added for flavoring.” Marv sighs sympathetically.

I look up at him and see he is looking off toward the dance floor and that his whole aspect has changed. He seems to glow with a gentle sweetness and his smile is so genuine. He is enraptured by something going on over there. I stand up to look and I have to admit . . . I too become wrapped up in what I see.

They grind and they twirl. They sway and they caress. They move like they are one being and I am awestruck by what I see. I have never seen it like this. They almost look like an old Roman statue of lovemaking suddenly come to life.

I have never seen true love so perfectly expressed. My mouth opens a bit and my lips engorge as my heart thumps in my chest. It is what love can be. It is what love between two MEN can be!

Brian and Snowflake have made the dance floor their own. They dance to that special mix of Love Comes Quickly by Pet Shop Boys I noticed before. Its an old song, but perfect for them somehow. I’d been watching them and envying them before as they walked to the dance floor, but now . . . I am entranced by them!

Hello . . .” I am brought out of the pink fog by that hazy deep voice. I turn and see that Kris is standing there, the disco lights shine on his face turning it all different colors. Its . . . too sexy! It’s absolutely fucking irresistible and I find myself standing up close to him, like, inches close! Our eyes have locked and I can’t look away and neither can he.

After an eternity of moments, Kris finally says: “Come, My Beautiful Friend. Let us get out of here for a while.” As he says this he takes my arm and gathers it under his own.

I swallow hard and merely nod as my hungry eyes fill with the sight of the most beautiful man on earth. A man who wants to be with me tonight! A man who wants to take me and who calls me ‘beautiful’.

He takes me in his arms and his lips press into mine and at the delicious wet pressure I’m made drunk. I find myself shivering in his embrace.

Kris releases his kiss and looks at me with a gentle sweetness I didn’t think his face capable of.

“Jeg er overrasket! I am surprised! I have never made a man shiver before!” He touches my face and I cannot suppress another shiver.

We go out through the back exit and out into a night, I will never forget for as long as I live!

* Brioni is a very high-end Italian maker of fine suits. Kris is referring to Vics penchant for dressing well.



Ahhh . . .

Finally! Those two finally got together. I’ve been waiting for months for it! Kris has been playing this field out, but I watch him. I see those delectable sapphire eyes following Victorio Vincenzo Camarada wherever he walks – or rather stalks. Hehehe. Vic walks like a panther on the prowl but he never takes down any prey. He reminds me of Bagheera from the Jungle Book for some reason.

He simply remains sweetly aloof except when he is helping people where he can. Most of the time he perches himself on the bar or in a booth . . . watching everyone from the dark with heartbreaking longing. Victorio deserves to be loved. He hasn’t figured that out yet. I hope he gives Kris half the chance.

Kris has the reputation for playing the field it’s true, but few have come to know him as I have. We have shared many a vodka drink together and my age and weight issues make me ‘non-threatening’. This means that he isn’t trying to impress me so he can just be himself. Kris has a very tender heart, really. He’s looking, searching, aching to find someone more than just another fuck-buddy. He wants somebody to love and he needs somebody to love.Hehehehe. My fav San Francisco band Jefferson Airplane seems always to have a song just for the occasion!

Up until tonight, I didn’t think either of them would ever have the chance to find what they were looking for and need. But, bless my little nephew, Brian comes waltzing in with what I can only describe as an angel! Snowflake is . . . a miracle!

In all my days I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man so beautiful before! He doesn’t look human! He looks much more than human! I watched him as Kris did his utmost to seduce this Snow Angel. But, as soon as the very weird choice for a song started to play, Snowflake was grabbing Brian away from our inane conversation with Jason and practically dragging him to the dance floor! Poor Brian was so shocked and baffled! Hahahaha! But then . . .

Oh, Heavens! Then those two locked eyes and it was like I could see an emotional electrical transformer explode right in front of me! They began to move and sway in synchrony only two bonded souls can move. The pure eroto-romantic charisma those two began to pulse with cleared the dance floor for them! Everyone could feel it! Everyone wanted to watch!

This was love! This was real LOVE here and . . . you wanna know what? Love is absolutely infectious! Once its standing there right in front of you showing you what it is then everyone wants it! Then, stupid scales fall from eyes and hearts and two people who need each other . . . find each other!

It looks like Vic and Kris have indeed found each other.

They are going out of the club now. I think they both think they are coming back later after some ‘fun’. But, they won’t be back – not tonight and probably not for a while. Honeymoons take a while, especially when you find the One you’ve always been looking for!

That Beautiful Friend you always saw in your mind and didn’t know was real until he is standing right in front of you staring back with the same thoughts in his mind. A thought that is faster than a thought. A feeling of a thought that comes with a single heartbeat that beats with the same beat as the other person’s. It can be heard in an instant or it can take time to hear it, but, once you do, you know.

I look around and I’ll be damned if I don’t see a lot of electric sparks tonight. Guys and gals, guys and guys, gals and gals – it doesn’t matter here! Its just that once you see what you want and know what it is, finally, then you can recognize it when you see it. Isn’t that funny? Its so simple, but its really not.

Sometimes you need a Brian and a Snowflake to come along so that you can be taught what something REAL looks like!

But, alas, sometimes, some of us have trouble seeing beyond our own eyes.

“What in the HELL is up with all these fuckers tonight? I feel like I’m in a Disney movie or some shit! What in the ACTUAL fuck?” Jason’s strident whine breaks my cotton candy world like a kid with a sweet tooth.

“Its called love, JJ. That’s what it is. I wish you could see it.” I look on wistfully wishing, somehow, Jason could come up out of himself long enough to look at what is around him, but he harbors too much bitterness for that. Such is pain.

“Phhhttt. Its more like deer humping season in Bambiville. Twitterpated. Yeah, thats the word I was looking for. I liked that word when I heard it in Bambi. Its perfect for this shit. Every fucking faggot down in this den has gone ultra-horny twitterpated, whatever-the-fuck. The poor janitor is gonna be so pissed at the amount of jizz he’s gonna have to mop up!” Jason grinds away.

I suddenly feel myself lose patience with him! I try to be kind and civil to the poor boy, but sometimes his negativity drives me to complete distraction!

“JJ! Here’s a dollar! Go buy yourself a chocolate bar and a milkshake and maybe it will help you find a better mood to be in when you get back here, huh?” I turn and growl at the club makeup maven. I smash a $20 in his hand. It should be enough for him to get a towel at the bathhouse down the street.

“Well! I never!” Jason gasps in mock horror.

“You KNOW ‘milkshakes’ go for $25 these days? Taxes you know.” He makes a goofy smiley face full of irony and then tosses the $20 so it flutters to the floor. He turns sharply for effect and stomps away letting those bare buns of his pump under his skirt as he walks away.

Oh, Jason – you eight-ball! What a thing to miss! I’ve not seen this club so aglow since Cher made her last visit here.” I turn back to the spectacle and hear that the music has changed back to the typical bouncy EDM crap the kiddies seem to love. It was nice to see what an old 80s standard could do to bring some romance back into the place.

Of course, it wasn’t the song. It was the effect of the song that I loved to see. The two lovebirds are retreating from the floor now, holding each other in the most gracefully loving way imaginable.

A pang of old memories gently overcome me and I remember my Sam. I remember how we found love in a Love-In at Golden Gate Park in 1968. No one there cared that we kissed each other out on the lawn in front of everybody. Actually, we got a lot of approving pats on the back and encouragement. Counter-Culture was all the rage and there was certainly nothing more counter to the culture at the time than two men kissing out in the open.

We loved each other for 15 glorious years – through the wild 70s and into the desolating 80s. I lost my Sam in 1983 to AIDS. I held him as he died. I so wanted to follow him into that void but I found that I was needed.

I started taking in Rent Boys off the streets and gave them a home and comfort if they needed to detox or . . . die from the very same disease that murdered my Sam. Jason was one of those kids. Considering the suffering that poor child endured at the hands of Things that walked the earth only in the form of men, I account his rather bitter and twisted behavior as a great victory. He is alive and as whole as his poor injured soul will ever be. But, I pray that he falls in love one day. I thought it would be with Brian, but that didn’t quite work out well. Jason is just too much to handle sometimes.

For him and others, I started managing clubs to pay for Sam’s Retreat as I called my new life. I never found love again after Sam, but that was alright . . . we shared enough for a thousand years! His love I passed into the kids that I helped off the streets. I passed it to Jason.

Sometimes I can feel him near . . . especially when my old ticker starts to give me trouble. I know he is waiting for me on the other side. He won’t have to wait much longer . . .

Im coming home soon, Sammy! I promise!”

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