Imagine for a moment…that you’ve fallen deeply in love with someone that you really care about. One of those incredible that just makes you feel like every single day is full of magic and sparkles and rainbows. It’s like…life couldn’t get any better, right? You’ve got some of the best friends in the world, a great family…and now you’ve got love too!
What happens if the love of your life…and your friends or family members…simply don’t get along? Like, at ALL. I mean you’re bringing two important parts of your life together all of a sudden, and until we’ve figured out how to work that whole ‘world peace’ thing out…it’s safe to say that everybody isn’t always going to be the best of friends.
Maybe your new partner doesn’t like your big brother. Maybe your best friend doesn’t approve of your biggest crush. They may try to hold it back for your sake, but it’s clear that being in the same room and sharing the same space makes them miserable. What do you do? Do you try to fix it? Can you choose between or the other? Should you be expected to? You can’t just start living two lives and divide yourself and your time up until you’ve been worn so thin that you end up not being able to satisfy either side.
For this article, the big question is…what would you do if your best friends, your loving family, and the love of your life…just happen to be oil and water whenever they get together and try to get along? Give us your thoughts!
“I’d figure out the root of the problem and go from there.
Like, if it’s my family / friends who just don’t like him or her, then it’s more their problem, and they’re not just questioning my new partner, but my judgement too. I’d side with my new partner, even if that means a strained or a more distant relationship with said family or friend.
On the flip side, if the new partner’s just trying to be, say, controlling, or is in some other way being a dick about my family or friends and trying to turn me against them, which I think is probably not that common between the two scenarios, but it happens, then I’ll either try to sort it out with them, or just dump them.
Because in both scenarios, the real issue is that they’re disrespecting me and my judgement and my relationship, not the partner, or the family/friend. And if it’s genuine, I’ll listen to their concerns, but at the end of the day it’s my decision to make, and if they can’t respect that, then I’m not so committed to anyone that I’ll subject myself to mistreatment, or terminal hostility, just because THEY don’t approve of who I am dating, who I am friends with, or the relationship I have with my family.” – Mike
“I’ve never actually been in this particular situation myself with an actual ‘boyfriend’ before. Mostly because it was either our little secret, or because the people I get along with almost always get along with each other in real life. But, if this was an issue, I would really make an effort to find out what the heck was going on and if there was some kind of compromise that could be made between them. That would be my first plan of action.
I’ve had friends who, when they started dating, just vanished from our group entirely. And I understand being in love and obsessed with someone to the point of wanting to be with them all the time…but the rest of us were always like, “You can bring her with you, ya know? We don’t mind.” But sometimes they could be really possessive, and things just weren’t fun when ‘she’ was there. You know what I mean? Like…you two don’t have to go into some secret corner and whisper to one another all night. We’re all trying to have some fun here. Like…together.
Now, if anyone ever asked me to choose between my partner or my friends…they would automatically lose that argument. Instantly. Don’t ask me to do that. I may be head over heels in love with someone, and I might have a long history of good times with my friends and a strong bond with my family…but the first person who thinks they’re entitled enough to toss out a ‘him or me’ ultimatum…they lose. I won’t stand for that. You can compromise, learn to share, or get lost. I’m not pushing anybody aside just because somebody can’t play nice with the people I care most about. They will get the quickest cold shoulder from me that they’ve ever seen. Period.” – Comicality
“At the end of the day. The key word here is respect. Adults must respect younger generations and vice versa it’s okay to maybe have differences, but, I personally won’t be have relationship ties or have tolerance with someone rude, selfish, or disrespectful, ESPECIALLY, prejudice in any way. No excuses. Do unto others. Many adults must learn this.” – Black Paper
“Thoughts on that…
Mmmh, I suppose that depends a bit on the people you surround yourself with. Personally, I can say that I’m pretty sure I know who my real friends are. And I trust at least most of those.
Real friends are on the first front concerned with your happiness. So if they have a somewhat good judgement, they will be able to see, if you have a good partner that makes you happy. And if they do not really get along with one of those partners, they will at least try.
On the other hand with a potential partner it should be similar. If he cares about you and your friend is good for you, then he will try to get along with him.
And I do think that civil people that try to get along with each other always will be able to do that at least on some level. Therefore an acceptable state should be reached that way.
Also the chances are pretty good that after a little bit of trying they will start to actually get along with each other, because after all they both are your friends and that usually makes already some similar interests and opinions. (After all it’s actually not that hard to grow on one another.)
However, of course this doesn’t mean that a perfect level will be reached, but I think it usually would be a level that you could be content with.
Nevertheless, that is the idealistic version. Since there always can be flaws, some bad situations can develop. Personally, I trust my friends that they have a good judgement, when they even should start to judge. Because as long as there are no major flaws and I’m happy, they really have not enough reason to be against this partnership. But on the other hand you may be that lovestruck that you can’t really see clear and your new love may just be a dick and not the right person for you.
In that case it actually is the duty of real friends to warn you and make you aware of that. That may be not a nice situation and it could lead to a few heated moments.
But it would be important. And it would be a good indicator to take a step back and try to get a clear picture of the situation.
There is a possibility it could end up bad and you would be forced to decide for one, then it really just depends on my picture of the situation and it could go both ways. I would just have to hope to make the right decision in that case.
However, as mentioned before I have the trust that I’m pretty sure that my friends only would only mention concerns in a loud and meaningful way, if they are really clear to people that see the situation clear. So I would definitely take those concerns very serious.
In the end those would be the extreme cases though. In most scenarios my friends would just arrange themselves with my new partner. And maybe they would critizise some specifics of my behaviour. Because if I were to take up some bad habits or exaggerate with some behaviour due to my enthusiasm, they would and should mention that. That is the right thing and we often need a little bit help with self reflection to adjust a few things.
Nonetheless that’s far from attacking my new partner or express serious concerns about our partnership. (The other way around with the partner mentioning aspects of my behaviour in connection with my friends and him would be similar.)
Overall, I think that it usually would only come to this situation if I’m an idiot. I’d hope that I would be able to realize that with some help (and by taking the concerns serious) then.
Could always come to the point also though that you find out that one of your friends (or your new partner) have not really enough maturity to deal with those issues accordingly. You would just have to hope that they overcome their shadows then (or if it were to go really really bad, to be happy that you found out their true face and are free bad influences – that would be the real extreme case though).
I think that all above sums the central aspects of my view of such situations up. Situations always can be very specific and special though.
Hope you had a nice time reading and wish you a good day. :)” – Who4m1
If you guys ever want to add your two cents to any one of the ‘Q & A’ sessions for future issues of Imagine Magazine, we’d LOVE to hear your input and your personal stories on the forum! Feel free to attach your screen name, or do so anonymously! Drop by “The Shack Out Back” forum on the 1st of every month for a brand new topic of conversation! We look forward to hearing more from you! 🙂