Chapter 10 – The Cat’s Out of the Bag
Slowly placing my hand back onto my bedroom doorknob as I dared to walk back into my own room with my bully who was still lurking inside , felt like I was opening the Pandora’s Box into my life, itself. It felt like I SHOULDN’T have opened it so quickly and, maybe, should have waited a little longer. But, my curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know. I wanted to know why Sascha touched me that way and was saying those things, holding onto my very own hips like that. I was curious what he…. was really up to and feeling. So, I slowly opened it and heard my door creek opened.
Sascha was inside…. waiting to do who knows what with me. I was breathing really hard as I heard my door squeek open to see him sitting on my bed and glancing out the window,.waiting for me. He noticed me walk in as I closed the door, which was something, that I probably shouldn’t have done. He smiled at me warmly and spoke. “Heyy. You’re back.”
“Uhh. Haa'” I innocently said, ‘hello’ to him in my accent as I nervously recalled the seductive moves he was just trying to inflict on me just a few minutes prior to me darting out of my room in an emotional panic while I was, then, trying to decipher what to do about the whole situation. The truth was, I was a virgin. I was very much a virgin in almost every single way. I’d never been with someone romantically. I never had a kiss, or even experienced holding hands with someone, sweetly, except for Donny, but, that was more of us just being close & friendly. I had never really had any real experience like this. And, since I was a little antisocial sometimes, this whole ordeal with Sascha really put me in a shell… a BAD one.
“Come sit with me.” He said, patting my bed next to him. He was completely oblivious to me lying about my mother calling and needing me as an excuse for me to run out of there, before, to recollect my thoughts.
“No thank yuu’.” I said quickly.
He frowned a bit, furrowing his brow in thought. “Well…. Why not?” He asked me. Not wanting to have to explain to him why I didn’t want to sit next to him and being the Type B personality type that I was, I let him talk me into it and plopped right next to him.
The instant I did, I felt him creep his hand into mine and give it a warm little squeeze causing my eyes to widen and my own sensitive heart to race. I looked at him with my mouth opened, from the open display of affection and sweetness that he was showing and giving me at that moment. He had a rosy tint to his complexion and rubbed my hand with his thumb, softly, and giggled a girly and flirtatious.giggle in the exact same way that a girl would if she were with the star of the high school’s basketball team. He was shaking a little from his own nervousness of displaying his own deep feelings for me for the very first time. Sascha… Was vulnerable and nervous at that moment; and, it was kind of attractive and cute to me to see him like that. I NEVER saw this side of him. He wasn’t ‘hiding’ like he always did in front of everyone else. He was showing me who he really was. In fact, this was the very first time that I ever even saw him happy or smiling at all.
We sat there for a moment as I stared at the ground, trying to process, experience, and understand everything that was happening.
“I like this.” He said, rocking his feet back and forth, as they hung from my bed. “I really like you, Billy.” He confessed to me.
It echoed in my mind as I held his hand “…I really like you Billy…Billy…billy…billy…” It was like I wasn’t even there for a second. Sascha likes… me? What? Why? I don’t know why, but, it didn’t seem real. I couldn’t accept it as reality. I kept denying that this was really happening until, he, then, put his head on my shoulder as he just sat like that. I froze. When he did that, I finally realized that this was real life. My own bully had his head on my shoulder and was being ‘sweet’ with me in the exact same way that a litter of kittens would huddle & cuddle next to one another for warmth, love, & affection.
For some reason, when he did that, I felt bad for him. It was strange, but, I felt like he was alone and needed and wanted… affection. It was like he needed someone. Sascha, the ‘real Sascha’, was sensitive and needed someone to love. And, he chose me to try and give him that. He liked me and wanted me to help fill that void that was deep within him, no matter what the actual cause of it was. It was like I could feel what he was feeling. I was keenly empathetic, for a moment, and understood him, finally. Sascha was completely alone in life. At least, he felt that way. I thought about it. Look who his FRIENDS were. Imagine them seeing this side of him? Imagine then seeing this version of him? They’d kill him, inside. I knew then & there that I was going to help him, regardless of whether or not I shared the same feelings for him or not. He needed someone. He needed me at that moment. And, because of that, I wrapped my arm around him and held his side and hip, as a form of friendly reassurance.
“…Hmmmph.” He moaned as he felt my touch and wiggled into me more. This made me realize, he took it the wrong way.
“Uh. Ah’… Uhm” I tried to talk, but, I was really nervous.
“Sorry.” He said after a while, and removed his hand from me.
“Bout whaat?” I said nervously and shaking my voice a bit.
“This- this is weird. Isn’t it?” He said.
“No. No, it not weird.” I said. ” It’s okay.” I was trying to reassure him.
I saw him shake his head almost like his own mind was telling himself, “No. No. No.” It was obvious. He didn’t just feel bad. He was guilty and ashamed of showing me affection. He was guilty of me being the very first person that he ever revealed this side of himself to and he didn’t know how to handle it. He didn’t know how to react. He was malfunctioning.
“Really. It’s okay.” I said as he started to get up. I got up as well and we faced each other. “IT’s alraght.” I said to him. He looked at me up and down for a moment as I held his shoulders to calm him down and reassure him. And, he then leaned in and softly tried to kiss me. But, I turned my cheek and he got my right cheek by accident, instead. He missed my lips. My eyes widened.
He tried again and again and I kept pulling my head back to dodge his lips. Then, after the third attempt, and he realized that I wasn’t allowing him to kiss me, he stopped. It was like the entire hurricane of emotions that was flying all around the air of my room around us that were swirling from his heart and mind had all suddenly stopped, floated in the air for a moment, and then came crashing down and fell to the ground from gravity’s inevitable fall. He pulled away slowly and frowned at me. “I thought you….. I thought….” He said, trying to put into words what he was feeling, but, was having trouble. “…Oh.” he looked down, finally realizing that I didn’t share the same feelings that he had. And, it was heartbreaking to see. He just stared at my feet for a moment in complete silence.
He, then, looked up at me and pulled away. “I should… I should GO.” He said.
“No. No, Sascha, wait!” I said grabbing his arm in an attempt to stop him from exiting my room. He was already trying to make a mad dash for it for my door to run out. But, I was stopping him. “Don’t go.” I said.
He turned around looking almost annoyed and tried to wiggle his wrist from my firm grip around it. “UGH. Let me…go.” he said struggling with my own strength. He, then, actually started to hit my own hand. But, I wasn’t letting go. And, once, he realized my stubborness was stronger than his, he looked at me. And, I looked at him. We were both searching the other’s eyes for a moment. We were mentally communicating to one another. I swear. I SWEAR it was like his own mind said to me, “Save me.” As he shook his head, shedding a tear from his right eye.
And, my mind said to him, “I don’t know how…”
After Sascha left my house, eventually, from my mother walking in on us sitting on my bed in absolute silence 2 minutes after the whole ordeal, and saying it was getting late, I was left feeling completely empty, confused, and just like him, I felt alone. But, something happened.
I heard my mother answer the phone. Hearing some mindless chatter from where I was in my room and thought nothing of it.
“Billy!” I heard my mother call me from downstairs. “Billlyyyyyy.” She called again. I assumed the call was for me, which, was strange, since no one I knew had my number except for Liam & Donny, and, they never called me at 9:30pm at night.
“Hello?” I answer the phone as my family was in the living room near me getting ready for bed, soon.
“Yello’? Billy? Yah there?” It was my Nan.
“Yeah. I’m here! Haa’ Nan!” I was so happy to hear from her.
“Nan. Nan, yah hear me?” I said.
“Yes, Billy.” She, then sighed. Silence filled the conversation for a moment.
“Heyaaa Nan. You find mah kitty!? She there? You been lookin’?” I said with a hopeful smile. Maybe that’s why she called me! I KNEW her, Sparty, & my uncle Jeffrey could find her. I just knew it!
I heard some heavy breathing over the line and she said. “Billy, you a big boy, now. And, I want you to be strong, yah hear?” My smile slowly started to disappear. Her voice started to sound more like a distant echo than anything real. “Billy? Did you hear me?”
“What, Nan?” I said not remembering what she just said AT ALL. It was like my brain couldn’t accept it. It completely tuned it out.
“Billy, I SAID, I’m sorry. We tried. But, she-she dead…” I looked up and stared at my family. They looked at me with concern, wondering what was going on and I started to breathe really hoarsely as I shook my head just like Sascha shook his head earlier in my very own room. The room felt like it was spinning. This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.
“Nah. Nah. Nah. NAH. She…. She ain’t DEAD.” I said to her as my eyes started to water.
“Billy, what’s going on?” My mother asked me as my parents walked up to me while I just shook my head ‘No’, barely holding the phone.
“SHE AINT DEAD. YOU LYIING.” I said & started to sob. I dropped the phone by accident and my mother picked it up to see what was happening as she talked to my grandmother. I fell and sat on the floor and began to bang my hands on the wood. “SHE AIN’T DEAD.” I cried looking up at the ceiling as I just lyed down on the kitchen flooring. Forget it. That was the final straw. That was the last thing to finally tip the balance of my life’s scale. I lost it. I started to uncontrollably sob, in a manor, that made my father walk up to me and pick me up. Shannon looked so scared seeing me like that. I banged my dad’s chest as he held me. “AUGGH!!!!! ….She ain’t DEAAAAD…” I said. Shannon started to cry, too, from seeing me like that as my mother had her hand over her mouth from seeing me react in such a way and hearing what my Nan had to say.
I don’t even remember how my father got me back upstairs into my room, but, that night he tucked me in, from me being exhausted from my life, having Sascha show me his secret feelings, & grieving over my little kitty. That night, I fell asleep with the wetness of tears on my eyes, sealing them shut. But, little did I know, that I was about to have the most powerful experience that I would ever have for the rest of my life…
I was, suddenly, inside of a Castle. At least, that’s what it appeared to be. But, in this castle, I was in a hallway with many large windows. A black Cat was sitting right in front of me. I knew who she was, immediately. But, I couldn’t move, just, yet. She was looking at something. And, she wanted me to see it as well. She was gazing at the burnt feilds and little left overs of good trees that remained of our old orchard to her right. Out of so many, just a few were barely left standing. In the Sky, however, there was a magnificent view of another world. And, I remembered it for a moment. It’s where all mankind go when they die. Once, I remembered it. I instantly, forgot certain details and I was, then, transported somewhere else in the deep skies and I was suddenly a being of light, floating in space; I was in my truest form, however, I couldn’t see myself as I had no mirror or reflection to see what I really looked like. Two female looking beings were on either side, above me.
To my right, I saw an absolutely beautiful being with Silver hair, governing the Moon. Or, rather she USED the Moon. I knew her. I just, knew it. I KNEW IT! IT WAS HER. IT WAS MEE-MEE!
“Mee-Mee!” I shouted. But, I couldn’t talk. I had no voice, here. I couldn’t only mentally communicate. And, my mind’s voice echoed everywhere. However, SHE could talk. And, spoke full sentences to me in a beautiful way for the very first time.
“I can only speak to you one more time, in this life, and it must all be in rhyme. Before, you saw only my physical form, but, now you see that I am truly, The Storm…” She said in an absolutely beautiful voice.
I questioned what she meant. And, she explained it further.
“The black cat is the body that I chose, but, it is not my true spiritual Rose…” She said. I knew that meant that she was a bigger being inside of Mee-Mee. Or rather. Mee-Mee WAS a bigger being and was in disguise. For some reason I imagined her raining. And, then I saw tornadoes, hurricanes, and other weather. And, I just knew that she was literally the “The Storm”.
Once I thought that she replied, “The storm is my power. I govern each shower, to grow each flower, at every hour…”
As I heard that, I wondered how and why she could only talk to me like this in rhyme?
She answered, ‘I do not talk with my Voice, like this as my own choice. It is the only way you can understand, on this land, exactly what I say…”
I wondered why that was so and she answered, “You will not understand, while living on this land, But, you will remember why, later, when you die…”
Hearing that answer made me instantly think of death and how I always feared it. Without asking her, I questioned what TRULY happens to people when they die.
She said, “One day, you will die & laugh and play, But, for now, you are here. You must stay. Where do you go when you die? I cannot say, For, that is a secret, since the First day…”
I was puzzled. I, then, turned to the other “Fairy” looking being who held a pretty golden flute in her hand. Somehow, I knew that she was not the Storm, but, was someone else. She held a Flute. And, I knew she grew plants with the flute’s powers. How did I know that? The only way to describe that knowledge, is magic.
When I thought that she said, “I play the flute. Isn’t it cute? I will not tell you what it does. You already know why it always was…”
I immediately then knew that she was “Mother Nature”, herself. And, her and Mee-Mee were two of many beings responsible for watching over our world.
I shouted with my mind “Why am I hear!? What’s the meaning of my life, anyway?” I said a little said and depressed about my life, my bullying, and burnt Orchard.
The “Mother Nature” being said to me, “This World you are on has so much magic. Never cling, at all, to what was tragic. Never look back at what was black. Never look back. Never look back…”
Then, they said in unison, “If we told you, you are special, too. You would not believe us. We will not bother. We will not fuss. You, too have powers of your own. In the future, they will be shown. You were sent in this Season for a reason in order to remove all of your Bullies’ Treason…”
I was shocked by that answer. They knew about my bullies and all the kids at school. “But, what do I have to do?!” I said.”How?!” I asked anxiously. “I don’t understand.”
Mee-Mee said, “Be yourself. Never change. This may seem odd. This may seem strange. Your heart is one that is so sweet. It will help many become automatically complete…” She finished her answer.
Then, they both said to me looking very seriously,
“The final message we will ever say to you is that Love Kills Hate on the “Last Day”. When it comes time for Earth to be destroyed, that is when all hate gets tossed into the void. Those who cling to hate will be stuck on that date. But, those who cling to love, shall fly away with the Dove….” And right after they said that everything turned into a magnificent bright white light and I felt that I had wings of my own as I was moving faster than the speed of light into a world that I could not explain, but, was so amazing, words in this realm, could never describe it.
I woke up with a bolt of lightning in the middle of the night and I looked up from my bed and ran to my window, I saw a crack in the clouds and looked at the Moon. “Mee-Mee.” I said in a trance. I knew she was there. I knew she was. No one could tell me otherwise. And, I wasn’t scared this time like I was after my first dream, this time, I was empowered.
The following night while all of us were sitting on my couches and my family was allowing me to grieve over my dead kitty we heard a knock at the door. I decided to get up as my mother was cleaning her champagne bottles she had won back in Georgia while casually getting up to put them back on the shelf. The moment I opened the door. I froze.
My Mother dropped one of the last two bottles she had of her prize from shock and we all stared at the door. Standing right there looking right at me, standing tall, was a Black Kitty.
“Impossible.” My father said.
I ran up to her and checked her leg. It was her…. I KNEW it was her because Mee-Mee had a scar on her leg. How on Earth did she get here??!! Honestly, my brother was scared and so were the rest of us. It was a mystery. There’s no way she could have physically made that journey on her own. Something else was going on, here.
My father called my Nan and put her on Speakerphone. “Maa’ Just what COLOR was the dead cat ya’ll found in the old orchard?” He hollered.
“Uhh, it was Scrawny like. Black & white, right?” She said.
“Hell’s Bells. That ain’t that Cat ma. The kitty is BLACK.” HE said almost annoyed.
“Well, how in the Blazes am I supposed to know THAT if y’all never told me?! I’m here day in and day out with this dang dog looking for some kitty and neither of us thinks to tell the other what color it is!!!!” She said. I ignored their banter. I looked into my cat’s eyes as tears flooded my own eyes. She hypnotized me like she always did. My god. She’s home. I LOVED her.
“Mee-Mee.” I said hugging her so tightly.
“Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.” She purred in response.
But, my mother had a look of concern or wonder on her face as she just pulled me outside and DRAGGED me by my shirt.
She stared at the Moon like she had a 6th sense or something that something else was going on. And, I looked at the Moon, too.
“There are some strannnnnnge forces goin’ on here, Billy.” She said as if she somehow knew that there was more to all of this than meets the eye.
And, just as I thought that, Mee-Mee, rubbed her little furry body on my leg just like she always used to…