It can be a scary thing sometimes…trying to share one of the most private parts of yourself with the people closest to you. Especially when you’re not exactly sure how they’re going to react to the news. While sex is a perfectly normal and natural part of life, it can be difficult to speak openly about it without blushes, giggles, and a touch of discomfort. And for some…even ‘shame’. Which is a shame in itself.
But when it comes to being LGBTQ+…sex is directly linked to anything that you can possibly say about it. And when you’re young, that takes time, courage, and patience. However…there are many cases when you’re not given the chance to come out on your own. Sad, but true. Whispers, rumors, gossip…it happens. And for this discussion I’d like to talk about experiences with gay youth who might have been ‘outed’ before their time. Have you ever had someone tell your secret without your consent? Or maybe you did it to someone else? Was it a mistake? Was it on purpose? Maybe you approached the wrong person in a romantic way and they ran around telling everybody what happened? Or maybe a parent, friend, or sibling, happened to ‘catch you in the act’, and hiding it was no longer an option? Did someone find your search history on your computer? Whatever your story is, or maybe the story of someone you know…feel free to share it with us.
And, is it EVER right to ‘out’ somebody to someone else? I know that sounds like an easy question to answer…but what if they’re depressed (maybe even suicidal) and need help dealing with it? Maybe then? Who knows?
Let’s get those brain boxes working! 🙂
“I come from a family background where we keep our own council…
I’ve never divulged something told to me in confidence. Likewise I very very rarely divulge my secrets to others. I know I’m not the most trusting of people but it’s more to do with wanting to be in control of the narrative of my life. Hell I kept one of the biggest secrets about myself from my family and most of my friends for almost 40 years!
As to discussing sex, hmm with family eww never, and am not usually comfortable talking about generally. That said when with certain friend and his partner, if I even hint about it I always get the same question from him “Does he have a big cock?” …. He’s French… must be a French thing..;p” – Dom
“I’ll start off by saying that I can’t imagine really talking about sexual things with anyone in my family. Hehehe, just…no. But if I came out to all of them, I’d be worried that every time they saw me walking around or spending time with another guy, sex is exactly what they would be thinking about. Even if we’re just friends. So, I’d think that be a nightmare in itself.
However, I have come out to my best friends and a few others, including one night when I went out to a club with this girl and her openly gay friend (Who I thought was gorgeous, and I had a bit of a crush!)…and as we were dancing and drinking and having a good time, she just came right out and asked me. I was hesitant to say yes…but he was standing right there so I didn’t want to say no either. Then, it was just like, “Yeah.” And the party continued from there. Hehehe! AND…I got a kiss from him that night! YAY! But, it never went any further than that. He liked bigger, older, hairy guys and I didn’t fit his criteria. But it was exciting, nonetheless. 🙂
Should anyone be outed before they’re ready? I think, absolutely not. Not for any reason. I’m always sympathetic to someone else’s situation, but I’m well aware of the fact that I don’t know it personally. So my judgement, even with the best of intentions, could get somebody into serious trouble. They could lose friends, family members, they can even end up being a victim of physical violence. I couldn’t live with that.
Now, if I thought it was an emergency, I might ask them to talk to me directly about it, or maybe encourage them to come out on their own. But it’s never cool to out somebody without their knowledge or consent. If it were me, especially back when I was in Junior High or High School…I would have been devastated. Even if the consequences aren’t that bad…leave that for the other person to decide. It’s none of your business.
Thank goodness that I was able to ease my way out of the closet to those who were closest to me, and at my own pace. And thank goodness that the people I chose to share my ‘secret’ with were good enough friends to not spread it around for the sake of having some juicy gossip to share. That, in my opinion, is how it should be.” – Comicality
“Not that I can remember. I have had a few close calls, but I’ve never been purposefully outed.
Is it ever right to out somebody else?
No. Even in an extreme case, like, say the person’s suicidal, then you can tell someone else like a parent or a doctor that they’re struggling, and they’re depressed and might be suicidal, but their sexuality not our secret to be telling others, it’s theirs. It might make them feel even worse if they’re outed against their will.” – Mike
If you guys ever want to add your two cents to any one of the ‘Q & A’ sessions for future issues of Imagine Magazine, we’d LOVE to hear your input and your personal stories on the forum! Feel free to attach your screen name, or do so anonymously! Drop by “The Shack Out Back” forum on the 1st of every month for a brand new topic of conversation! We look forward to hearing more from you! 🙂