Dancing on a Star
I couldn’t believe I had just come out to Tracy. And his kiss on my cheek surprised me. “Oh my God!” I cried. “Please don’t tell anyone what I just said!” My heart started racing for fear he would out me.
He giggled, grabbed my hand again and promised, “It will be our little secret.” He smiled and added, “Well, I may tell Jeff.”
“No!” I shrieked. “You can’t tell Jeff!”
“You just can’t,” I insisted. It was bad enough that Tracy knew my secret. I certainly didn’t want the one boy at school who everyone avoided to know. He just might use the information to get back at me for all the years of avoiding him.
“But Jeff likes you,” said Tracy.
Tracy laughed and replied, “He’s had a big crush on you for years, Jack.”
“Me! Why me?”
“He thinks you’re really cute.”
Tracy leaned forward and kissed me on my cheek. “Yes, you,” he laughed. “God, you’re adorable when you get embarrassed.”
I rose from the bed and started pacing around the room. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I had just come out to Tracy, and now he was telling me another boy liked me.
Tracy rose, approached me from behind and put his arms around me. “Relax, Jack,” he said soothingly. “It’s not the end of the world, you know.”
I pulled away. “I don’t know,” I replied. “I can’t handle this.”
“Sure you can,” he said as he approached me. “Just accept the fact you’re gay.”
I sat down on the bed. Tracy walked over and sat beside me, resting his leg against mine. “It’s easy for you, Tracy,” I said. “You got nothing to lose.”
Tracy reached down and grabbed my hand. “I know what you’re going through, Jack. I’ve been there.”
“I’ll lose all my friends,” I insisted.
“Been there,” he said. “Why do you think we moved here?”
He stood, walked across the room and looked out the window for a minute. He then turned and faced me. “We had to leave North Dakota,” he said sadly. “I had some problems there.”
“What kind of problems?”
He walked over and sat on the bed beside me. “I was a lot like Jeff in school,” he said. “No one would talk to me because I was gay.” I noticed tears begin to appear in his green eyes. “I was okay with it, I didn’t let it bother me. I was doing okay, making good grades and going to dance practice.”
I nodded and asked, “What happened?”
He sighed deeply and continued, “The drama department was auditioning for roles in the Music Man. I auditioned and got the part of Professor Hill.”
“Was that a big role?” I asked. I had never heard of the play.
He laughed and replied, “It was the lead role. I was really excited.”
“Wow!” I responded. “You must have been good.”
He laughed and said, “I was, but then again, there really wasn’t any competition. Most guys don’t like to go out for drama. It was just me and another boy, Justin Westlake. He got the role of the mayor.”
“I still don’t understand what happened,” I said. “It sounds like you were doing something you really wanted to do.”
He rose from the bed, walked over and looked out the window again. He then turned and continued, “Everything was going well for a while. Everyone was rehearsing their roles and we were getting ready for opening night.”
“Justin and I shared a dressing room,” he said. “You have to understand, Justin was really cute. We were getting along so well, and I was developing a really big crush on him.”
I nodded my head and said, “Okay.” I could tell by the look on his strained look on his face that he was going to tell me something bad.
“We were getting ready for a dress rehearsal, and he said he needed help tying his tie. He had never tied one before. So, I was helping him, and he looked into my eyes. I thought he wanted me to kiss him. So, I did.”
“He backed away and hit me,” replied Tracy as tears started to fall down his face. “He then ran from the room and told the drama teacher, Mrs. Fells, what I had done. She came into the dressing room and told me I had to leave.”
Tracy broke down and started crying. I didn’t know what to do. I hesitated before I put my arm around his back and pulled him toward me. He rested his head against my shoulder and cried softly for several minutes.
Finally, he sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes. “Sorry, Jack,” he apologized.
“No,” I said. “It’s okay, Really.” I attempted a smile and asked, “You want to finish telling me what happened?”
He nodded and continued, “A meeting was held in the principal’s office the next day. My parents were with me, and Justin’s parents were with him. Mrs. Fells was also there. Justin told everyone what I had done. He made it sound like I had raped him.” Again, tears welled up in his eyes. “All I did was lean in and give him a little kiss.”
“Bastard,” I muttered angrily.
“Anyway,” said Tracy, “Long story short, I got suspended for ten days. Justin got my role in the play. I think that was what he was trying to do. I think he baited me into kissing him just so he could play the part of Professor Hill.”
“Bastard,” I muttered again.
“Yeah, bastard,” responded Tracy.
I asked, “Is that why you moved here?”
“Mainly,” he said. “Dad was going to ask for a transfer anyway. It just speeded up the process.”
“What happened when you went back to school?”
“By then, Justin had told everyone what I did to him,” he replied. “But since I was already out at school, it didn’t really surprise anyone. I just had to endure a lot more bullshit than I normally did. I was really happy when Dad said we were moving.”
He rose from the bed. “I’m going downstairs to get us something to drink and a snack.” He asked, “You want anything special?” I shook my head, and he disappeared from the room.
I walked over and looked out the window. I noticed Jimmy and Tyler at the door of my house talking to my mother. They turned and walked away. When they stepped off the porch, Jimmy looked up at Tracy’s window. I quickly pulled back the curtain, but I wasn’t sure if he had seen me. When I peeked again, they were gone.
When Tracy entered his bedroom, I had returned to the bed. He was carrying two sodas tucked under his arms and a big bag of potato chips and a bag of pretzels in his hands. He threw the bags on the bed and handed me a Mountain Dew.
“It’s all we had,” he apologized. “I hope you like it.”
I replied, “That’s fine,” as I pulled the tab on the soda and took a sip. He sat down beside me and pressed his leg to mine. He opened the bag of potato chips and offered me some. I took a handful and started nibbling on them.
He looked over, smiled and said, “Now tell me your story. I told you mine.”
“Not much to tell,” I replied. “Teen gay boy. Still in the closet. End of story.”
He laughed and said, “There has to be more than that. What do you do for fun?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I dunno. I guess I hang out with Jimmy and the other guys. We like playing video games.”
He asked, “Don’t you play any sports at school?”
I laughed, looked down at my body and replied, “Does it look like I play sports?”
He wiggled his eyebrows, giggled and said, “You look pretty good to me.” My face turned about fifty shades of red.
“I’m not all that,” I replied sadly.
It surprised me when he again reached for my hand and held it. “Jack,” he said softly. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” I don’t know why, but I felt tears appear in my eyes.
“Not all that much good,” I muttered. I jumped back when he leaned in to kiss me. “What are you doing?” I shrieked.
He jumped from the bed, looked down and said nervously, “God, Jack! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that.”
I giggled and replied, “Now I see why you got in trouble at your old school.”
When I saw how nervous he was, I stated, “It’s okay. Really. You just surprised me is all.”
He reluctantly sat back down beside me. He appeared nervous, but then he started grinning. “So, if I don’t surprise you, I can kiss you?”
My eyes widened in surprise. I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I had never considered kissing a boy before. Tracy giggled again when he noticed me look at his lips. I stammered when I said, “I’ve never done anything like that before.”
He grinned wider and replied, “You already put your hand in my pants and felt my dick. What’s a little kiss?”
“I don’t know,” I replied nervously. “We’re going too fast, and I’m….” Suddenly, he leaned in and kissed me. When I didn’t object, Tracy put his hand on my waist and kissed me more forcefully.
I closed my eyes and tried to kiss him back. Since I had never kissed anyone on the lips before, I was afraid that he wouldn’t like it. I jerked away when he attempted to stick his tongue in my mouth.
I wiped my mouth and asked, “What are you doing?”
“It’s called French kissing,” he informed me. “It’s fun.” He grabbed me by my waist again and pulled me toward him. Hesitantly, I let him kiss me again. I enjoyed it the first time. We started kissing, and I didn’t jump away when he pressed his tongue to my lips. I opened them, and he gently started running his tongue against mine. By now, my dick was throbbing. My emotions were in overdrive from the sensations I was feeling. I jumped when Tracy’s hand dropped to my thin shorts, and he gripped my hard dick.
“Mmmm,” I moaned as he sucked on my tongue and stroked on my erection. Suddenly, he pressed his hand against my waistband and slid his hand into my underwear until he could put his hand around my dick. “Oh, God,” I moaned again. He stopped kissing me and looked down at my shorts. He pulled my shorts away from my waist, exposing my hard dick. Suddenly, he bent over and sucked half of it into his mouth.
“No!” I shouted as I grabbed his head and pulled it away.
He looked at me and asked, “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said as I stood and adjusted myself. “We’re moving too fast. I’m not ready for this yet.” He rose from the bed and approached. He put his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder.
“Okay, Jack,” he whispered softly. “I understand. I’m sorry.” He looked into my eyes and asked, “Can I at least kiss you again?”
“I like you,” he said softly as he pressed his lips to mine.
Suddenly, Tracy’s mother hollered up the stairs. “Tracy! Is Jack still with you?” We jumped apart and sat on the bed away from each other. Seconds later, she knocked on the door and opened it.
“Jack, your mother called,” she informed me. “She wants you to come home.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Craft,” I responded. She closed the door and left.
Tracy scooted next to me and held my hand. “Jack,” he said. “What just happened stays in this room. Okay? I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
“Thanks,” I smiled. “You know I can’t come out right now.”
“I know,” he replied. “I just want us to be friends.” He grinned and added, “We’ll be like kissing cousins. Okay?” He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss.
“Okay,” I grinned as I stood and headed for the door.
“Oh, one other thing.” I stopped and turned toward him. “Sit on your porch tonight. I want to dance for you.”
I smiled and replied, “Okay.” I hurried down the stairs and headed for home.
“Hi, Jack,” my mother frowned as I entered the kitchen. “You’re late for dinner. I had to call for you to come home.”
“Sorry, Mom,” I replied as I walked over to the sink to wash my hands.
As she took a salad out of the refrigerator, she turned and asked, “What were you doing over there anyway? Jimmy stopped by, and I had to tell him I didn’t know where you were.”
Innocently, I responded, “We were in his bedroom talking.”
“I see,” she replied disapprovingly. “I’m glad his mother was home.”
Suddenly, I realized where the conversation was heading. She didn’t want me to be alone with Tracy. She probably thought he would try and seduce me if we are left alone. I asked defiantly, “What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t know,” she responded as she headed to the dining room and placed the salad on the table. When she entered she said, “I just don’t think it looks right if you two are left alone?”
“What!” I replied excitedly. “What do you mean, it doesn’t look right? What are you trying to say?”
Her face reddened as she said, “I just don’t think you should be alone with Tracy.”
“Why?” I asked rather angrily.
“Well, you know,” my mother stammered. “Him being gay and all.”
“What!” I shouted. “Are you serious? You don’t want me alone because you think Tracy is gay?” For a fleeting second, I considered telling her I was gay just to see what reaction she would have. Fortunately, I didn’t.
“It’s just not right,” she insisted.
“No,” I replied angrily. “What isn’t right is you being so stupid!”
Her face reddened, and her hands started to shake. She glared at me and said, “That’s enough! You’re grounded!”
“Grounded!” I shouted. “For what?”
“You’re not to go across the street again to see Tracy!” she shouted.
“You’re wrong and you know it!” I shouted back. “I’m sixteen, and I’ll see whoever I want.” I turned and stormed from the kitchen.
“Jack!” shouted my mother. “You come back here! We’re not through discussing this.” I rushed up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door shut. I sat at my computer desk and shook with anger. “I hate her!” I mumbled to myself.
To say I was upset would be an understatement. I don’t think I had ever been so mad in my life. I couldn’t understand why she was being so unreasonable about Tracy. And I was furious because she said she didn’t want me to associate with him. I’m sixteen years old. I can decide my own friends. There was no way I was going to let her dictate who I could or could not talk to.
A half hour later, my father hollered up the stairs for me to come down to dinner. Reluctantly, I made my way down. He was waiting for me at the bottom. I expected him to yell at me for the way I had talked to my mother. It surprised me when he rested his hand on my shoulder as we entered the dining room. My mother was already at the table. She didn’t look up when we entered.
Dinner was extremely awkward. I had never before realized how irritating my sister’s eating habits are. In the silence, all I could hear was her smacking her food as she ate. She once looked around the table and asked, “What’s wrong? Why is no one talking.”
She continued to smack away on her dinner after my mother sharply replied, “Never mind. Eat your dinner.”
I hurriedly ate, and then I got up from the table and went to my bedroom. I slammed my door just for good measure. I wanted my mother to know I was upset. I worked for the next couple of hours on my homework assignments. At least, it took my mind off the argument I had earlier.
I was almost finished when someone knocked on my door. Jimmy stuck his head in and asked, “Can I come in?”
I looked up and motioned for him to enter. “Yeah, sure,” I replied.
He sat at my computer desk and watched me for a couple of minutes as I worked on an assignment for chemistry. Finally, he asked, “What’s going on?”
I looked up and asked, “What do you mean?”
“What’s wrong with your Mom?”
“Why?” I gave him a puzzled look. She must have said something to him to indicate that there was something wrong.
“When I came into the kitchen and asked where you were, she went off,” he explained. “I got kind of confused.” He paused a minute before asking, “What is going on with Tracy?”
I glared at Jimmy and asked, “Why?” I knew my mother must have said something to Jimmy about her suspicions about Tracy.
“I don’t know,” he replied. “She was asking me questions about him.”
“What kind of questions?”
He stared at me as he replied, “She thinks he’s a poof like I do.”
“What!” I shouted. “She said that?”
“Yeah,” he responded as he again stared at me and asked, “Well, she didn’t say poof, but she does think he’s a homo. You better watch it, Jack?”
I jumped from the bed, pointed toward the door and shouted, “Get out!”
“What?” He rose from the chair. “You’re kicking me out of your room?”
I was trembling from anger as I shouted again, “Get out of my room, Jimmy!”
“Fine,” he responded bitterly. “I’ll leave.” As he headed out the door, he mumbled, “Poof.”
I can’t describe the wave of emotions that were surging through my body. They were overwhelming. I felt like I was in a car that was racing down the highway at 100 mph. In front of me was a brick wall, and the brakes wouldn’t work. All I could do was close my eyes and wait for the impact.