Church of Comsiology

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Why can’t we lose?

Where did this belief come from, where we’ve all become more afraid of losing…EVER…than we have of facing the challenges before us and testing ourselves to see what we are truly made of? Instead of self improvement, drive, and the willingness to overcome our obstacles, face our demons, and possibly be forced to accept defeat in order to come back stronger the next time around…we waste our time trying to build this padded ‘bubble’ around ourselves. One where we never lose. We never get hurt, we never get offended, we never have to sacrifice anything, and we never EVER have to admit that we were wrong. Is that who you are? A delusional puppet, living in a world of your own creation that doesn’t exist for anybody else but you? Is this the full potential of your existence?

I have a young cousin that lives nearby. He likes to come over and play video games whenever he gets the chance. He’s only like ten or eleven years old, but we have fun together whenever he can visit, or when I have to babysit. The thing is…he HATES to lose!!! At anything! Whether we’re playing against each other, or it’s a solo game and I manage to rack up a higher score than he does…he gets frustrated and angry and turns it off. Or he wants to play a different game that he knows he can win. Or he wants to play games like ‘Minecraft’ all by himself, where all he does is build shit and there’s no real threat of losing at all. And I am beginning to see this more and more with full grown adults in everyday life. It’s so weird.

I try to teach my cousin that losing isn’t the end of the world. If anything, it’s an inspiration to evolve and get better…so when you strive to win and make it to the top…you can take SO much pride in knowing that you earned it! Nobody gave you an inch. You took it, and you ran with it. And that’s the greatest reward that you can ever have in life. Knowing that you accomplished something amazing, and you really worked for that success. You didn’t have to cheat, you didn’t have it handed to you on a silver platter, and you didn’t have to steal it away from somebody else. That reward is yours! And nobody can ever take it from you, because you did it all on your own and you won it fair and square. That’s how you find fulfillment in your life. Not only through the celebration of your achievements…but through the triumphs over your failures. When did this essential part of life get forgotten?

I wrote in the story, “The Secret Life Of Billy Chase”, as Bill was talking to his father…that sometimes failures can teach you things that successes can’t. And I truly believe that. We have so many people running around in this day and age, either feeling entitled to everything that they want just because they want it, living in some made up fantasy where everything they don’t like is somebody else’s fault, or they’ve become too scared to learn or try anything at all. And it’s because we’ve convinced ourselves that losing anything is a fate worse than death! And it’s NOT! What the hell is wrong with us as a society, when we would rather wrap ourselves up in a series of LIES instead of maybe throwing the dice and taking an occasional loss here and there to make our achievements shine brighter in the end?

Ask yourself…why can’t you lose?

Better yet, why is it that you believe you can’t handle losing if or when it happens? I mean…it’s not going to KILL you! It’s not going to be so traumatic that it sends you spiraling into an emotional abyss that you can never escape from. So what’s the big deal?

You lose at a video game. You lose a hand at poker. You fall off your bike or your skateboard when you first learn to ride them. You gamble on a lottery ticket and they don’t call your number. Or maybe…you LOSE a presidential election! (Ahem!) What are you going to do? Whine and cry and bitch and moan and deny reality until they stuff your dead body in a pine box??? It’ll be ok! There will be another spelling bee. There will be another cute boy to fall for. There will be another opportunity for a promotion at your job. Fucking RELAX!!! You don’t have to tos yourself into a full blown delusion to feel safe from the big bad world at large. People lose all the time. It happens. It’s how you DEAL with that loss that makes all the difference. And if you’re going to spend all of your energy building some sort of fake reality around yourself instead of dealing with things like an adult and learning how to take the good with the bad…then this world is going to crush you. You’re going to end up miserable and angry and alone. YOU’RE going to be that random shooter at the mall, picking off people because you don’t know how to regulate your emotions.


I’m not going to sit here at this keyboard and tell you that I have all the answers, or that I’m any better than those of you reading this. People who may have real issues and real problems that I probably could never truly understand. But…I’m here to tell you that you’re ok. You may not feel like it, and I get it. Been there, done that. But it’s my personal belief that we can solve soooo many of our inner conflicts if we can only take the time, and gain the courage, to see the damage in us all. That’s what Comsiology is all about. It’s about healing. Self soothing. And finding ways to accept ourselves for who we are. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Just be ‘you’. Be the best version of ‘you’ that you can be…and be proud of that person, flaws and all.

It’s ok to lose sometimes. Do you think every single one of my stories is a massive success? Do you think I’ve never had my heart broken in two by someone I trusted? Do you think that I’ve never been cheated, or treated unfairly, or did favors for people and never had them stick up for me the way I stuck up for them? Of course I have. But those bad times, that suffering, those mistakes…they made me stronger as a person. I get up and I do it again. And if I fail, I get up and do it again. And if that fails…I get up and I do it AGAIN! And every single time, I do it better than the last time I gave it a shot. And I learn how to bear the brutal shrapnel of losing out on something that I felt I was entitled to without putting in the kind of work that I’m willing to do now. I exposed myself to that pain…and I LEARNED something from it! Something that will carry me forward for the rest of my life.

People who deny their own truth don’t grow. Period. Everybody is looking for some small corner of the internet where they’ll never be criticized, never be challenged, never have any opposition to their hatred or their racism or their fetishes or their likes and dislikes of a certain story or movie or TV show. And maybe they take comfort in ONLY being with people who don’t confront them or call them out on their bullshit when it happens. But I prefer to be among real people in the real world. Even online, hehehe! Tell me that I’m crazy! It’s ok! Whether I agree or disagree, at least there’s a voice of reason in the room othe than my own! I’ll listen, debate (Quite passionately), and maybe you’ll change my mind. Or maybe I’ll change yours. Or maybe we’ll just agree to disagree. But the point is…I’m not afraid to lose. It’s not going to completely ruin me to face defeat. Because, I’m going to wake up tomorrow, and I’m still going to be me. Whether people agree with me or not. And I take comfort in that, ove taking comfort in some insane flurry of lies that I know in my heart of hearts isn’t true, but it makes me feel good. That’s Hell personified. A waking nightmare that I don’t want to be any part of. Not ever.

Learn how to deal with your emotions. Stop trying to warp reality to fit your current state of mind and thinking that that’s ok. It’s not. Wake up. Be true to yourself. And love who you are…inside and out. K?

Another lesson from the Book of Comsiology…stay beautiful, and embrace the light within you. It’s worth it.

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