So, Billy, Bobby, and I had our little threesome this afternoon after school.
All I have to say is . . . OH MY-Y GAWD!
The level of adorable Billy was showing tonight should be criminal! How’s a simple guy like me supposed to not fall in love with THAT?
He tried to play it off as ‘funny,’ but even Bobby wasn’t buying it! I caught Bobby rolling his eyes more than once at Billy’s little game of keep-away! I kid you not, I felt like I was already in a relationship with him by how jealous he was acting!
It started out with the war of words:
“Brandon and I thought a horror movie might be fun. Not one of those Saw things but, more like a teen vampire thing! He and I’ve been trading horror movies lately. We’re really big fans of those kinds of films!” Bobby began.
“Oh, cool! Yeah, I like vampires! Vampires are my favorite! Is it that one of the Twilight ones or the Gone From Daylight ones? Brandon and I LOVE those old Draculas. You know the ones with Count Dooku as Count Dracula?” Billy countered.
“Count Dooku . . . hmmm. Oh, you mean Christopher Lee. Yeah, those are cool, though I gotta say they are a little dated. I’ve been trying to get Brandon over to watch Interview With A Vampire! I just lo-ove Anne Rice stuff! She makes the sexiest vampires . . . don’t you think?” Ooo, Bobby is way too good at the ‘pinging’ thing Chandler told me about. Here’s Billy’s little slip-up . . .
“Oh, I did actually see that one! Tom Cruise was a weird choice for Lestat, but Brad Pitt was totally the shit as Louis! Don’t even get me started on Antonio Banderas as Armand!” Billy answered rather ‘femly’! Ping!
“Oh, so you saw that one, Billy? Brad Pitt does make a good vampire. I remember seeing the trailers for the movie, but haven’t gotten a chance to watch it yet,” I chimed in.
“You should come on over sometime! I can rent it and we can watch! My Mom even likes it!” Billy offered with a heart-stopping, charmingly eager smile.
“Well, no sense renting it, guys! We actually own the DVD along with that Bram Stoker’s Dracula one which is just absolutely sick! Have you seen that one Brandon?” Bobby asked while putting a friendly hand on my shoulder.
“Actually, no! My folks thought it was too scary for me when I was smaller and my Dad never really approved of movies like that, so . . .” Which is true, since my Dad has a hang-up about ‘demonic’ movies. I’ve never seen The Exorcist for instance and apparently there’s one scene in that particular Dracula movie that he didn’t like. Something about rats or something . . .
He doesn’t mind my watching the ‘Creature Feature’ old horror classics, like the Universal Monsters or the Hammer films, but he draws the line at a lot of the more ‘modern supernatural’ things. I’m, actually, not sure how he feels about this movie we’re about to watch, but, I guess he’s leaving more decisions up to me about these things, now. Part of his ‘you’re growing up fast’ routine.
“I don’t blame your Dad! I saw that one! It gave me the heeby-jeebies which I thought was weird ‘cause vampire shows don’t normally do that to me.” Billy offered. That surprised me, for some reason. Billy gives off this air of confidence that is one of his many attractive features. I couldn’t think of him getting scared at any silly movie! It’s too bad, though. I’d have loved it if Billy’d gotten spooked by something in the movie we saw tonight and had jumped into my lap for ‘protection’! However, he might have met a surprise of another kind while sitting on that lap!
“Awww! Yeah . . . I guess it had some pretty raw spots. Hey! Look at this, Brandon! You’re such a flashy dresser! What would you think of me in this outfit?” This was when I was lightly yanked over toward a display window at City Boy! It was a tan sweater tied around the neck, with a black band t-shirt and extremely skinny kaki pants. It was an outfit obviously designed for a 6’6” mannequin with a 19” waist and no butt to speak of. Not something that would flatter Bobby’s, erm, assets!
“Uh . . .” was all I could get out.
“No way that could fit anyone half-way human sized, Bobby! It’s, like, for one of the Emo/Scene types that don’t eat and stuff!” Billy blurted, which tickled my funny-bone for second. I could only think of Stevie when Billy said this and I know Stevie, being an ‘authentic’ Emo, wouldn’t be caught dead in an outfit like that one! Hehehe!
“Hehehe! Are you calling me fat, Billy Chase?” Bobby teased.
“Wha? Nuh . . . No! Not at all! Um…” Billy blushed adorably and I felt the need to rescue him a bit.
“No, Billy’s right, Bobby. I don’t know of anyone that would look good in that, not even an Emo! I know that from . . . um, personal experience!” I offered.
“Really? You know what Emo’s are into then, huh?” It was my turn to get teased by Bobby.
“Sure! Why shouldn’t he! Brandon knows all kinds of people! Huh, Brandon?” Billy defended me valiantly as he, literally, tugged at my floppy shirt sleeve!
I loved him tugging on me and, yes, I mean that in every naughty way possible!
“You two seem to have me confused with Jamie Cross! Hehehe! Come on, guys. We’ll be late for the movie if we keep this up.” I said as I lead the way to the multiplex.
I definitely heard Billy gasp when I said Jamie’s name! Ping again!
At the outset of our ‘long’ journey all of the way over to the Mall’s multiplex, I was, pretty much, flanked on either side by my two companions with Bobby babbling on about something while stressing certain points with a touch to my arm or shoulder so that he’d keep my attention. Soon, however, I noticed that I’d suddenly taken Right Flank at Billy’s side where Bobby was now at Billy’s Left Flank!
He’d managed, very sneakily, to move himself in between Bobby and me! It was done so smoothly that I almost didn’t notice. Almost . . .
If Billy hadn’t called attention to himself by trying to ‘one-up’ Bobby every time he’d say something, Billy might not have been quite so obvious. But, in all honesty, the best word I can use to describe Billy’s silly behavior tonight is . . . charming! Billy is so, just, charming! Even when he’s being his silly jealous self, it is just absolutely adorable and charming!
Ahhh, tonight cinched things for me – again!
I’m really falling hard for Billy Chase! Tonight just intensified it!
At one point, when we were getting popcorn and whatnot at the cinema food stand, Bobby was, kind of, hanging off my shoulder like I was a lamp post, or something, as we were looking over the menu.
Billy looked like he’d finally had it with all that touchy-feely stuff Bobby was doing (confidentially, it was starting to weird me out a bit too) and actually smacked Bobby’s hands away from me with a hearty “Quit TOUCHING him already!” Billy tried to play it off as funny, but he wasn’t fooling anyone! Bobby just giggled at his kookiness and I just . . . smiled and had to look at that beautiful face. Billy was so intent on staring Bobby down that I don’t think he noticed the look I must have been giving him. Maybe, if he did he’d have thought I was just thinking him being weird, but no . . . I was just thinking,’Take his place touching me, Billy! Please! I’d love that so very much!’
Billy sat between Bobby and me during the movie. I can’t tell you even a lick about what the stupid film was about. I was too busy having a wrestling match with my hormones, my feelings, and my hands! All I could think of during that whole damn time was sneaking my hand over in the dark . . . and rubbing Billy off like Marie had done to me that one time! I could just imagine him biting his hand, making that strained little whine, as I mercilessly brought him closer and closer to making that warm sweet sticky mess in his pants!
I tried not to shift too much in my seat so that my efforts to control my straining boner wouldn’t become obvious to Billy or Bobby.
I’m pretty sure about Bobby, but with Billy I still don’t know!
Was his jealousy tonight just a kind of territorial thing trying to prove who was the ‘Bestest Friend’ here? Is he on to Bobby too and was he just trying to defend my masculine heterosexual ‘honor’ by preventing me from getting ‘molested’ by a pervert?
No . . . you know better, Brandon! Don’t you? You remember that look he gave you just before getting off the bus!
He was nervous, tense, and fidgety all through the film. It seemed like the only guy in our trio that was actually into the movie was Bobby! Billy was holding back as much as I was!
I know this because when Bobby finally took his leave of us with the promise for more for another time, Billy looked physically relieved! Like he’d been holding a big weight and he finally got to put it down.
We rode back to town in the bus together just chit-chatting comfortably, warmly, surprisingly intimately like we’d known each other all our lives! Then when it came time for us to part for the evening, he looked at me with those big beautiful eyes and with that adoring puppy-dog stare and I knew then as I know now . . . Billy wants me!
He really does feel the same way for me that I do for him! My crush on him is his crush on me. . .
He smiled a special smile I’d not seen before and it glows in my heart even as I type these lines!
That was Billy . . . Smiling! Smiling at me! Smiling a smile he’d only have for me!
Bobby and I have been having a marathon emailing campaign going on this evening.
Apparently, that vampire movie was based on a comic book! I used to read comics when I was smaller, like eight, but lost interest in them I guess. They seem like ‘kids stuff’ to me and I told Bobby as much.
But then I remembered the parts I did actually pay attention to in the movie and I remembered the sheer amount of gore in it! I mean, these vamps weren’t delicate! Even Christopher Lee’s bloody lipped vampire at least had some manners when he sucked the blood out of some lady! What’s more, they didn’t seem to mind him sucking them dry too much! Some of them acted like they were actually getting OFF on it! Usually, in Dracula movies, Dracula’s ‘fatal kiss’ is just that, a sexy kiss on the neck and then two little pinpricks.
Not so with the victims in this film! Throats were torn out! Victims howled in agony as a vampire, literally, crunched down on their necks! Even some of the vampire kids in the film got bit like that! Despite my lusting after Billy next to me through most of the film, I couldn’t help but notice these things! Ick!
Well, apparently according to Bobby, all of that was in the comic and, get this, . . . worse than that! I guess I’ll need to take a trip to the Comic Castle at the Mall next time I go and check things out! Comics seem to have gotten way more sophisticated than the Superman and Batman things I’d try to read as a little kid (mostly looking at the colorful pictures).
Naturally, after mentioning my renewed interest in comics, Bobby volunteered to go with me to help me ‘pick out the best ones’! Weirdly, he made it a point to let me know that some of those comics got pretty x-rated too!
X-rated comic books? Really? That got me curious, of course. I did a Web search on such things and, um, . . . did you know there was such a thing as Rule 34? Um, it states: “If it exists, there is porn of it. If there isn’t, there will be.”
Did you know there was such a thing as Gay My Pretty Pony porn? Do you know what a ‘futa’ is? Did you know I may never look at tentacles the same way again?
I do now . . . unfortunately. I think I need some bleach for my brain! That is one rabbit hole I’m not going down again! I think I hurt myself!
Anyway, Bobby sent me some more normal videos from MyTube opening up the world of Comicdom and cosplayers to me. These videos were mainly about the Comic Conventions around the country and the fact that so many of these new blockbusters coming out are actually based on these comics. The Superman, Batman, Captain America ones are easy. But, I had never heard of Watchmen before and Bobby and I have a date to see that movie and for him to show me that comic collection to show me how it relates.
I’m afraid Bobby may be turning me on to a new obsession other than Gaming and Billy! I’m, seriously, going to need a job to start paying for all these new addictions of mine!
As for Bobby and me, unlike Stevie, who’s all about his skater culture and Emo stuff, Bobby is into things that I can really relate to! He’s cool like that! It’s been a while since I have had a real friend to share ‘boy’ things with!
Then there’s the possibility of him being another Gay friend! One closer to my age than Chandler who might be going through the same things I am. Bobby is also quite adorable, in his way. He’s no Billy and never will be, but . . . if push came to shove, you know? Ooops! That sounded so wrong when I read it back! Hehehe!
Bobby might be a possibility, is all I’m saying. One that I might have a closer connection to than I can have with Stevie.
That’s only if Billy isn’t what I’m hoping he is, namely, Gay like me.
That’s my agenda for tomorrow: to talk with Chandler about Billy and to see what he thinks about his strangely jealous behavior and what it might mean.
Chandler never ceases to amaze me.
No, I’m not going to go into all the sick details of how I’d want him to turn me in, out, side-ways, front-ways, back-ways, and frequently. No, I was seriously surprised at his answers to my questions to him today.
I never realized being Gay would require such . . . deviousness!
I already have problems hiding things from my family about who and what I really am. Hell, I have problems hiding who I am from myself! So, out and out manipulation of other people is something outside of my wheelhouse!
But, that’s exactly what Chandler was suggesting today! This after he told me not to play one guy off the other just the other day! It’s so confusing.
I expected him to tell me what I had figured out already. That I would have to take my balls into my hands and actually come Out to Billy
, come clean about my feelings for him, and see how that goes – anxiety or not!
Except, that’s not what Chandler was all about today at all!
“Oh, no! Not with your particular situation, Bran Bran! Not until Dad knows and not until you are in a place where you can handle the shit-storm that could come at you while trapped in High School! I talk a good game, and I did have quite a few experiences in High School, that’s true. But, they were always done on the down-low and they were done with my folks, pretty much, knowing what I was and accepting it!” Chandler said to my open mouthed surprise!
We were having brunch at the coffee shop he works at with a lot of Chicagoans that don’t pay attention to each other. So, it was a ‘safe’ space for this conversation. Better than the phone, that’s for sure!
“So, what am I supposed to do about this? I, just, can’t do anything! I can’t . . . stand it anymore!” I asked him with more than a little note of desperation in my voice.
“Just what you have been doing.” Chandler said, which made very little sense to me.
“What? Nothing?” I asked glumly.
“No, you are definitely doing something. You’re just not accepting the fact that you actually are doing this! What I’m saying is that what that is, don’t question it! Embrace it because it’s your good instincts at work!” Chandler leaned in and stared at me hard with those big blue eyeballs of his as he told me this.
“What’s that exactly?” I gulped as I asked.
“Testing Billy! I figure, about now, you’re just about driving him up the wall!” Chandler grinned and sat back.
“Testing?” I admit to having these feelings about what I was doing and have blogged as much, but . . . I don’t know if I really believed that was what I was doing! Does that sound crazy?
Making Billy purposefully jealous?
“Yup! Testing this feeling you know is there, but needs a little coaxing to bring it to the surface! Because, you know it’s there with him, right?” Chandler asked me with a look like he knew the answer already.
“I don’t know! I really don’t! I wish it was true, but I really can’t know. Can I?” I didn’t know this conversation was going to be so difficult and penetrating for me, but I guess that’s why I asked the questions.
“Bran, trust me, one of the great things about younger guys is that they’ve yet to develop the years of ‘layers’ that help them be able to hide their true feelings. Their best defense against feelings they think they shouldn’t be having is to deny them! You know, because, when I first met you, that’s exactly what you were doing! Until that day at Millennium Park, you weren’t sure, but after you did Come Out to me, you finally got to know yourself for who you really are! After that, you stopped questioning your own feelings about guys you’d see and accepted that you liked them and wanted them! You might think that was just something that you just realized inside of yourself, but something else ‘turned on’ when you finally accepted yourself. When that happened . . . your ‘Vacancy’ sign turned on for those that are Looking!” Chandler said.
“My, hehehe, ‘VACANCY’ sign?” I found that comparison to my hots for guys funny for some reason. But, it was true too. I have been really feeling that ‘vacancy’ inside myself worse than ever. A need to have my, um, hole filled! But, not just that hole, as gross and unromantic a picture that tends to be, but also the hole in my heart! That Billy shaped hole! The one that’s been torturing me all year that I’ve been wrestling with! The whole reason I’m even talking to Chandler in a way that, just a few months ago, I would never have considered doing!
He rolled his eyes and smirked, “Somebody is becoming a bad influence on you, kiddo! But, yeah, kinda in that way too, I suppose. Think of yourself as becoming ‘ripe’ for the plucking when you start to come to terms with who you are and embracing it. It’s a glow of self-confidence lots of people are going to find attractive and it looks like it’s already working at school. Understand?” Chandler said.
“I . . . think so. You think I’m actually attracting Gay guys now? Guys like, maybe, Bobby and Stevie?” This new perspective on things was strange! It was like looking behind you and seeing yourself being chased by a whole horde of other people on bikes you didn’t know were there. This when you thought you were all alone on the road!
“And Billy and some guys you might not even think about you that way! Jamie, for instance . . .” Chandler dropped that one and my jaw dropped!
“Say what now?” I was not expecting THAT one!
Chandler snickered, “The way Jamie goes on and on about you, I can only figure he hasn’t asked you to marry him was for Marie’s sake and for the sake of his fragile ego in front of those gorillas of his!”
“You’re serious aren’t you?” I asked as Chandler continued to snicker at me even harder so I could only figure he was putting me on!
“Liar!” I accused with a grin.
“Oh no, Bran Bran! No need to lie when the truth is so much funnier! Yes, Twinkle Toes, you got a lot more fans out there than you know! So, take that and use that to your advantage!” Chandler said.
“Continue praising Bobby’s virtues, just don’t overdo it. You don’t want to discourage Billy, you just need to tease him a bit! Bobby’s ‘cool’! He’s a great ‘friend’. That sort of thing! If Billy cares, like we both suspect he does, he won’t be able to help himself!” Chandler winked a blue eye at me as we drew up our plans to conquer Billy!
But, “You sure this isn’t using Bobby for my own ends too much and that this isn’t dishonest somehow manipulating Billy like this?” Like I said, I’m not used to being like this, you know . . . diabolical!
“Actually, you aren’t doing anything dishonest at all! That’s the beauty of it! You do like Bobby and you like him as a friend and that’s all you’re copping to, right? No more, no less. Also, that fact isn’t likely to change! You really are starting to like Bobby as a companion and friend, and if you can keep him as a friend, he’ll be gold to you! If not, then that’s Bobby’s decision. But, what Billy does in reaction to this reality will tell you what you need to know about him and finally lead to a break in the tension between you two! I’m sure of it.” Chandler said like a sage old Wizard!
“Good Gosh, Chandler! How did you get so smart about this stuff? I swear you’re like a Gay Love Guru or something! I’ll never get this smart about this stuff!” I was and still am in awe of Chandler, my Sensei of Love!
“Meh. You’ll be way smarter than me sooner than you think. It doesn’t take long.” Chandler said, sitting back and sipping at his coffee. He then looked at his watch with a startled expression.
“Oh, shit! I’ve gotta go pick up Danny so we can go to the game! I think I have enough time to pick him up, swing you back to your place, and then make the first inning.” Chandler surprised me again with that one!
“You mean, I finally get to meet your boyfriend?” Chandler seemed to think my excitement over that silly somehow.
“Well, it can’t be avoided if we’re going to make time so, looks like it. Lets go!” Chandler said as he whipped on his coat and whisked out the door with me trying to keep up!
In the car, I definitely got to meet Danny or ‘Daniel’ as he likes being called by everyone but Chandler. For an older guy, he’s hot as hell too! He has this ‘professor’ quality that made me call him ‘sir’ at first, which he giggled at like a kid. I found it funny hearing a thirty-something old man giggle like that! It was boyish and really Gay sounding, but made me feel at ease!
“Well, it is certainly good to finally meet you, Brandon! Chandler speaks very highly of you and he thinks you might have an interest in architecture! If ever you want to drop by my firm, you’re welcome to a tour! We can never have too much talent!” Daniel said encouragingly. At one point, that would have made me cringe, but since seeing the Architecture department at Chandler’s art school, I’ve seriously been giving it some thought! Damn my Dad for knowing what I might like to do before I ever realized it! Hehehe!
“Thank you, sir! That would be cool!” I replied respectfully.
“Dan or Daniel is fine! I’d like to pretend, for a little while at least, that I’m not yet ‘sir’ material! Hehehe!” Daniel said, but not in an offended way.
“I’ll remember that next time you make me call you ‘Sir,’ Danny!” Chandler smirked at his boyfriend and then, I saw a look in his eyes I recognized as he looked into Daniel’s.
It was that same puppy dog stare I often see in Billy’s eyes when he’s looking at me! After that look they both exchanged for each other, they kissed! It sure was a beautiful kiss and the first time I’d seen two men kiss in the way lovers do (not just during sex)!
I want to be kissed like that someday and someday soon!
I want to be kissed like that by Billy!
Oh, Bobby just shot me a strange request as I was typing this out!
Who or what is ‘Skaur’? He needs to fill me in a bit on that one! He has tickets to see ’them’ so I’m supposing this is a rock band or something. I’ll have to look them up on MyTube to see what they are and if I’d be interested. It might be fun.
But not as much fun as kissing Billy!
Anyway, this is Brandon . . . holding out for love’s first kiss!