It can be thought of as a positive thing, and it can be thought of as a negative thing. I suppose it’s all in how you look at it.
When it comes to relationships, a certain ‘power dynamic’ presents itself in how you interact with your partner. Some people like to be in a dominant position, some like to lean back and let their partner take control, and some relationships only really work when both parts of it are even and equal. It’s something that every couple has to work out with one another, and it can change from situation to situation.
The question this time around is…where do you think you fall in the scale of needing a sense of control in your relationships. And I’m not just talking about sexually…but in every day situations. (Unless you’re having sex every single day, in which case, I am SO jealous! Hehehe!) It can be something as simple as deciding on where you live, or what groceries to buy, or who gets to pick the movie when you sit down to spend some quality time together. Some people like to feel needed, and have a parental almost protective role in their relationships. And others really like someone strong enough to take charge and give them a sense of security. Then again, some like to share the responsibility between them, and don’t want to feel ruled over, but don’t want the pressure of carrying the burden of choice for the both of them. It can be a complicated question…so give us your best answer.
What do you feel about your role in your dream relationship? How much or how little control would you need to feel comfortable? And why do you think that is?
Add your two cents whenever you get a chance! Anonymous answers are always welcome as well. And thanks for adding to the success of Imagine Magazine! We love to hear your thoughts and see you share your wisdom with our younger Shackers out there! Thanks in advance! 🙂
“You already know I’m not one who is not in control of his situation…
I’m not a very emotional person and to honest I have more than once been told my apparent lack of empathy is concerning, but that’s only because I need to keep control of whats going on for me. I’m ok with others making plans… as long as they don’t change them suddenly. Not a fan of surprises!
I also have major trust issues, always have, so again feel the need to be in control.
Though to be fair 99% of the time I spend on my own if not working so I guess I have to be in control!” – Dom
“Hm, I don’t really know.
I guess I have red lines that I won’t shift on, but if it’s small things that aren’t that important to me, I am happy to concede.
But I won’t settle for a largely submissive role in a relationship, either.
I would try keep it largely equal or we’re probably not going to work long term.
At the same time, I wouldn’t be happy being dominant & in charge either. I would feel awkward and uncomfortable if my partner was just constantly willing to sacrifice their own choices to appease mine.
I think that’s one of the reasons I’ve chosen to be single. I like to do things my own way, but at the same time, I wouldn’t want to rule over someone else’s life and have them just do everything I want to do.
That’s not the only reason why I’m single, but it’s not an insignificant part of it either. I like not having to compromise.
In a relationship I feel like you stop being an individual and start being half a couple. Something I’ve noticed as a single guy surrounded by couples. Few of them seem truly happy most of the time. For me the cons outweigh the pros.” – Mike
I don’t know if it’s so much about control, but I do like being independent and able to make some decisions on a whim, and I enjoy how being single allows me to do that. Like, I can decide one night that I want to go eat at a specific restaurant, and I like being able to just grab my wallet and keys and just go there without having to ask or compromise or convince anyone. It doesn’t sound like a really big deal, but it would get on my nerves if I couldn’t just do my own thing at least once in a while.
Ideally I’d want a more equal relationship, with someone I can trust to give control to. Sometimes I get tired and want to be able to take a ‘break’ and let someone else decide the every day stuff. To just say “Okay, you’re in charge today, we’ll do what you wanna do,” or have someone to count on when I’m feeling down and need to be comforted.
But the trust needs to be there, I have to know that the person I’m giving ‘control’ to will give it back when I ask. That’s the hardest part, I think. Finding someone you can trust and setting up boundaries so that you both get what you want out of the relationship.” – Shadow086
“You know…strangely enough, when it comes to an actual relationship or even a friendship…I’m the biggest softie in the world. Like, I definitely like to have a certain amount of control, and I’m willing to share that with whoever I happen to be with at the time…but anybody that truly knows me will tell you that I’m quick to cave in and pretty much give them anything they want. Hehehe, within reason, of course.
I guess I have a really nurturing and protective nature about me. And that means taking on a more dominant role in most situations, because that’s where I feel most comfortable. So making plans, cheering someone up, getting a festive party together, being decisive about our activities for the evening, initiating conversations…those are things that feel like ‘home’ to me, emotionally. But…at the same time, I’m a total sucker for someone in need.
I’ve always been the nice guy. It’s something that I had to really work on over the years, but it’s still a part of who I am. I want to be there. I want to help. I want to make things better. And having someone actually need me for anything is my Kryptonite. Hehehe! Which opens the door for a lot of liars and opportunists and narcissists to make me a target and take advantage. But even then…what did I lose? You know?
My dream boy would openly need me as much as I need him…and I’d do my best to comfort and take care of him with every last bit of love and energy that I had to give. But as far as ‘control’ is concerned? Hehehe, he’d have me wrapped around his finger twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I’d do my best to not let him KNOW that, LOL…but as long as I don’t feel used or manipulated…control would never be an issue for me. And I’ll love you the rest of my life.
What can I say? My heart isn’t all that expensive. :P” – Comicality
If you guys ever want to add your two cents to any one of the ‘Q & A’ sessions for future issues of Imagine Magazine, we’d LOVE to hear your input and your personal stories on the forum! Feel free to attach your screen name, or do so anonymously! Drop by “The Shack Out Back” forum on the 1st of every month for a brand new topic of conversation! We look forward to hearing more from you! 🙂