Is it really something to think about? I mean, I get the whole idea of being with somebody that you truly truly love, and one who loves you back with an equal amount of enthusiasm. There’s a beautiful picture painted by all of us that wants our fairy tale ending and a sweeping romance that will last us the rest of our days. But not everybody fits into that particular mold. Just because you’re alone, it doesn’t mean that you’re lonely. It’s totally ok to live the way you want to live. You know?

Relationships take work, and compromise, and constant maintenance. And they’re AWESOME if the benefits far outweigh the sacrifices! But where do you think you find yourself when it comes to having a steady partner, or a spouse, or even a committed boyfriend/girlfriend? Many people long for the opportunity to share a loving relationship with someone else. And others long to be a bit more casual about such a thing. Then again…some prefer their private space and would rather be alone. Nothing wrong with either one of these lifestyle choices…but if you had to choose one…what would you want most?

Whether you have someone in your life right now or are living the single life…is it what you want? Or is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence? Let us know your thoughts!

As always, anonymous posts are welcome! Life long partner? Or the bachelor life? Or maybe somewhere in between! Speak up! I wanna know! πŸ™‚

β€œShort version…

I’d love to have a steady relationship with someone where we can share the good times and support each other through the bad times. Someone who understands and gives me space when I need to be alone. But as much as I’d love to have someone to spend the rest of my life with, I’ve been single for so long that I can’t really see myself being in any kind of relationship. Plus I’m getting comfortable with the single life, so why throw that away for a relationship that might now work out?” – Shadow086

β€œI’m very much ok to be alone.

Also don’t think I’ve ever felt lonely even as a kid.
I’m an only child so had to learn to amuse myself growing up with working parents.
I’ve never been one who has many friends, in fact I can count on one hand how many I have and I rarely see them.
Probably explains why I’ve not had many relationships in my life.
Having someone to share my life with has never been something I’ve worried about.
Now at 47 I’m definitely too set in my ways to change that (much to my parents regret)” – Dom

β€œI always like to draw the distinction between alone, and lonely. You can be alone and not feel lonely, you can also be surrounded by others and feel lonely.

I’ve chosen to live alone. I have had a few relationships in my teens and early twenties and I have been alone now for over 10 years, out of choice.

I DO miss some things and do get lonely, sometimes. I even feel “broody” and want kids of my own. But it’s uncommon and 95% of the time I prefer living the way I do.

I don’t have to compromise. I don’t have to sacrifice. I don’t have all the usual concerns that come with relationships and children, like being cheated on, arguments, separation, sacrifice.

And worrying about my children, like them being sick, bullied, getting into trouble, getting pregnant, or getting someone pregnant, taking drugs. I have also never been in debt, or taken out a loan. Something none of my siblings can say, or my parents, etc. So while I’m not well off, I’m not losing sleep over money.

And also, I don’t have to worry about my non-existent family’s futures, I am quite pessimistic about society at the moment. From creeping right wing fascism, to people being less well off than the previous generations and greedy corporations milking the workforce dry and eradicating workers rights. And then there’s things like climate change and so on. This isn’t the type of world I’d want to bring any new life into.

As it stands right now, I only have three cats to be responsible for. And that’s the way I like it.

Though from time to time, I miss being intimate with someone. Even just snuggling together in bed as we watch a movie or something. And for about five minutes a day, I’d love to be a dad.

If I could have the perfect relationship, I don’t know that I would turn it down.

I remember the happy times, the truly happy times when I was with someone, and I was also younger and I wasn’t burdened with the same insecurities and worries I am today. And that’s when I was at my happiest.

But when those relationships ended, that was when I was at my worst.

And maybe it’s just the people in my life, but when I look around at the people I know well, like my siblings and parents and the friends I have kept in touch with, most of them are in relationships, and they don’t seem any happier than I am, some are even really unhappy and are stuck in those relationships for one reason or another, even though they want out.

I think that for most people, those disadvantages and risks are worth it. And they’ll have long term relationships and children, etc.

Other people just sort of slip into it without any sort of deliberate choice.

I think I am part of a minority of people who think the sacrifices aren’t worth it and I value my independence too much. I also think I am set in my ways now and even if I did meet someone I liked, it would be probably too difficult to go into full relationship mode.

We only think about the kodak moments when you think about having children, When everyone is happy, and healthy. But that’s not reality, unless you’re very wealthy and fortunate. Life is not a Hollywood movie.” – Mike

β€œI personally would love to find that right guy and settle down, but I don’t know if he’s out there. I got in some legal trouble some years ago, and I worry that I’ll never find a good guy who will accept me for who I am in spite of my past.” – Cscampbell

β€œYou know…when I really put some thought into it, I find myself stuck in this confusing loop where it’s kind of hard to figure out how I feel about it.

There are times when I really just want to be alone for a bit. Whether I’m thinking about something, or writing a story, or just want to put my headphones on and vibe out to some music for a while…it’s something that I do all on my own. Being around someone else would be a distraction, you know?

But there are other times when I really would love to give and receive some much needed affection from someone who makes me happy. I wouldn’t mind going out for a good time, or having long, drawn out, conversations, or cuddling up on the couch for a movie. I’m a die hard romantic at heart. Always have been and I always will be. So I definitely value the benefits and the beauty of being in a committed relationship with someone too.

But…I don’t want to be in a position where I have a partner that resents me or feels neglected when I go in my room and close the door and just want to block the rest of the world for a few hours at a time. And I’m way too selfish to think that I’d be cool with an open relationship or a ‘friends with benefits’ type of deal. So it really is hard for me to say.

If I absolutely HAD to choose, though…?

I think I’d choose love. I wouldn’t want to live in isolation all the time if I could help it. But I’d have to find someone who could be really understanding and independent in their own right. Someone that I can love completely, but won’t feel neglected or left out if I say, “Hey, I just need to be alone with my thoughts for a little while. K? Love you.” And have that be ok. And I would definitely respect them and their habits in the same way. It would be perfection in my eyes.

So I don’t have any problem with being alone, but I can’t say that I ever really feel lonely. I’m not crying or craving the embrace of someone special. But…it would be nice! Hehehe! I would definitely enjoy that.” – Comicality

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If you guys ever want to add your two cents to any one of the ‘Q & A’ sessions for future issues of Imagine Magazine, we’d LOVE to hear your input and your personal stories on the forum! Feel free to attach your screen name, or do so anonymously! Drop by “The Shack Out Back” forum on the 1st of every month for a brand new topic of conversation! We look forward to hearing more from you! πŸ™‚

 

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